I fucked up first but he has seriously fucked up too. What a mess.

[dammandblast]

And now I feel dreadful.

My Ex was a knob, he cheated on me and joined sex sites etc. When I met DP I told him how hurt I had been and he always swore he would never do the same.

We had been together a year when I randomly decided to check his phone and in his internet history was the page 'you have just logged out of facebook of sex' He said he had only looked at it that day and that he had to create an account to see the photos on the site - that he was curious. I checked his emails and he was telling the truth. He threw the phone in a sink of water, deleted his email address and de-activated his fb account as 'proof' it wouldnt happen again. It took ages to get over it and I think I would have left him if hadnt been pregnant at the time.

For over a year after that he only had a very basic phone with no internet access and we shared an email address - his choice.

Then he was given a blackberry and set up an email address etc although as far as I knew didn't use it to often.

I had a fit of paranoia and took his phone when he was sleeping to check his emails but couldnt find the inbox so went into the settings and set it up so that his incoming emails very sent to our joint email address. I know I shouldn't have but I just had a nagging suspicion.

And then I did something even worse, I used an old phone and put a new sim in it and sent him a wrong number text saying he was the most gorgeous man in the room, and he replied. After a casual few texts he replied that he shouldn't be texing as he has a partner and dc and he didn't want to lose us. I was really happy that he had 'proven' himself to me.

Until he text again this morning asking what I looked like etc and if I could send him some photos along with his email address. So I sent him some from google, and he sent some back. There were lots of dirty texts and some talking about wishing he was single etc and possible meet ups.

Right now he is upstairs in bed and I have just gotton an email to 'her' account saying he is in bed playing with himself and thinking of how beautiful she is.

What have I done

Name changer due to being ashamed of myself.

Sorry about typing, nursing baby.

it would be a case of proving that the guarantor had been misled in to signing the agreement.

The same as with your car.

Most guarantor contracts are fuck ups and never executed properly with houses. So if it goes nasty a lot find they can get out on a technicality. You only find out when the shit hits the fan.

The rental agreements change frequently, most are only minimum terms of 6 months. If the guarantor hasn't re signed. They can't be held accountable. They can ask to pull out. Even with a slight change etc. if they haven't been kept informed properly of certain things. It's a ball ache.

In theory it should be ok for 6 months which is usually the minimum term, or 12 depending on your contract. So many ifs and buts though....

What cheekychops said.

having thought about this

if this is true

why does the OP need a guarantor? they are living together,

surely they would be renting/buying together.

like I said, Boney, I hope this isn't a real situation

I think what the outraged have to remember is. Not matter what he has done, him being a guarantor will potentially fuck him financially and affect him being able to rent himself.

Now, I don't think what anyone does they deserve that. So when this all blows up, yes he probably will do his finest to get out of it. If the contract is as shit as most. It won't be hard.

It also might explain why he hasn't outed his cards to op. I'd be fucking furious if someone was screwing with my life in such a manner.

I thought that too boney, if it's real, it suggests it was calculated by the op.

Why wouldn't you have him on the tenancy?

AnyFucker
"like I said, Boney, I hope this isn't a real situation"

Me too AF.

How will being a guarantor fuck him financially. People act as guarantors for rental agreements all the time. It doesn't cost them anything, unless the renter stops paying the rent, but the OP doesn't appear to be planning that.

Even if they split up he'll want a roof over his baby's head.

I don't think it is. You aren't tech savvy enough to divert emails. Without knowing how to access them. Ohhh and knowing you'll be outed the minuted he clicks a picture.

Actually thunder it will affect him, it's a declarable financial liability. If I was in his position I wouldn't trust op not to screw me over. With all the stuff she is doing. I'd be using the contract as a sieve to see the holes and I'd be outta there.

So many are done incorrectly as many landlords have found out in recent times...

That was meant to say I don't think it is real. You don't divert emails without knowing how to get to them and realise the pics will give the game away. But ho hum.

I'm not going to get into another argument with thunder as she always has to be right!

Re. This picture/ photo thing; what is obvious to some, isnt to others. I don't think we can assume that her parter would be looking for a photo source in the first place, nor that it be would it would be obvious to him that it's a set up even if he did. I don't think it would cross my mind to bother tracking photos...

Anyway, like someone said, regarding the house he may choose to continue to guarantee the property given that his child will be there. I was concerned about OP's options if he did find a way to pull out, or withdrew at the first available opportunity.

One click on the photo would lead him to the source. He'd know it was a set up, it would be straight back to google on op.

Ofc he's clicked it and looked, to try and see more of her. It's really not rocket science. Most people just link off fb, etc.

It hasn't crossed anyone's minds here, because they actually aren't that tech savvy and realised the noob error. Which is the elephant in the room.

People who do this kind of crap, always go looking for more. It just so easy, to trace a pic and find more so easy. Its not as hard as you are making out. He dosent have to track anything, just click as he wants to see more. If she hasn't changed them he will know.

But I don't really understand why he would play along in this way if he had rumbled OP.

It plays into HER hands on every level. He gets the small 'victory' of needling her with the references to sex etc., but on a bigger scale, he stitches himself up totally, especially re access to DC, yes? He totally loses any moral high ground, and once the truth is revealed, he's given the OP limitless ammunition (with all the sexy talk) for her to deny any claims that he knew all along and accuse him of planning to cheat. So despite him getting the opportunity to do a big reveal himself and dump her, he still looks very bad.

I would have thought it more likely that he would virtuously pull back from OW and pontificate about how he'd never cheat etc and how much he values his family... then do the reveal and dump later from his lofty moral perch.

It is all a bit Babooshka, isn't it?

Even if he did click on the photo and it came up in google or wherever, he wouldn't necessarily think it was OP. More likely that the OW didn't want to send her own photo and he would still want to 'get off' on the sex chat with another woman.

I believe the OP, but I do think she's had her doubts for a while which is no surprise. If you've suspected someone for a long time and you finally get proof , rather than send you over the edge mad it can actually keep you calmer as you finally realise you weren't going mad after all.. hence why she's able to keep it up

Depends, if I knew, I was being set up and used like this. She wants shot anyway. Id play along until the last minute.

If she has stupidly sent unmodified photos, and this is real, she needs to presume she has given herself away and stop the game playing. Before she has egg on her face next week.

He wouldn't be sitching himself up with dc. If he knows op is gonna dump him either way, he doesn't have a lot to lose does he? Unless op is also the type to use kids as a pawn.

The picture will lead him right back to the website it was taken and ops pc if she saved it before uploading.

Deary me.

I hope OP comes back, I really feel for her....

It's awful that moment you discover what a cheating backstabbing, good for nothing twat your partner is... Esp as he's being so lovvy dovvy with her. I don't know how she keeps her calm!

This is such a depressing thread on so many levels...

CheekyChoppers
"I don't know how she keeps her calm!"

Maybe because she is not innocent in all this and comes across as someone who is playing someone else.

This is very sad.

Particularly as in the past few weeks I have had 4/5 similar text messages.

The first person I told was my DH :( In my job I have to have adverts in the paper, with mobile numbers etc. We just put it down to some dickhead person picking the number out of the paper and messaging me.

Although I replied once to ask who the msg was from as I hadn't the number saved, once it became obvious that I didn't know the sender, I stopped replying.

My dh was very supportive, I would be so upset if I found out he had done that to test me.

OTOH, I feel for you too, that your suspicious mind drove you to the state you're in now... why did you have to test him?

Although, I'm with those that think he might know it's you.....!! Has he at any stage during the emails/texts ask you who you are? If you're local? If it were me I would be trying to figure out who was in the pub and who exactly was texting me.

How often does he check the joint email that you diverted BB messages to OP?

in fact, where are you OP, and are you ok ?