I fucked up first but he has seriously fucked up too. What a mess.

[dammandblast]

And now I feel dreadful.

My Ex was a knob, he cheated on me and joined sex sites etc. When I met DP I told him how hurt I had been and he always swore he would never do the same.

We had been together a year when I randomly decided to check his phone and in his internet history was the page 'you have just logged out of facebook of sex' He said he had only looked at it that day and that he had to create an account to see the photos on the site - that he was curious. I checked his emails and he was telling the truth. He threw the phone in a sink of water, deleted his email address and de-activated his fb account as 'proof' it wouldnt happen again. It took ages to get over it and I think I would have left him if hadnt been pregnant at the time.

For over a year after that he only had a very basic phone with no internet access and we shared an email address - his choice.

Then he was given a blackberry and set up an email address etc although as far as I knew didn't use it to often.

I had a fit of paranoia and took his phone when he was sleeping to check his emails but couldnt find the inbox so went into the settings and set it up so that his incoming emails very sent to our joint email address. I know I shouldn't have but I just had a nagging suspicion.

And then I did something even worse, I used an old phone and put a new sim in it and sent him a wrong number text saying he was the most gorgeous man in the room, and he replied. After a casual few texts he replied that he shouldn't be texing as he has a partner and dc and he didn't want to lose us. I was really happy that he had 'proven' himself to me.

Until he text again this morning asking what I looked like etc and if I could send him some photos along with his email address. So I sent him some from google, and he sent some back. There were lots of dirty texts and some talking about wishing he was single etc and possible meet ups.

Right now he is upstairs in bed and I have just gotton an email to 'her' account saying he is in bed playing with himself and thinking of how beautiful she is.

What have I done

Name changer due to being ashamed of myself.

Sorry about typing, nursing baby.

Trust is, I agree, a fundamental part of a relationship. However, he breached that trust when he went on fbs and looked at pregnancy porn when she was pregnant. It's all very well for you to judge and say 'she should have dumped him then', but she goes into detail in her op as to how she nearly did. But then he destroyed the mobile, deleted his e-mail address etc.

He breached her trust first, promised he would never do it again and now he has. You seem determined to see her 'breach of privacy/entrapment' as to be worse than the explicit sex texts he has sent to the 'ow'.

ok.

he didn't do anything again till she set him up.
when she got the result that she was after she decided not to dump him but to use him to get her a new home then dump him.

he may have breached her trust first, she may not have planned this from the start.

But she has decided to maliciously use him to get what she wants.

you seem to be determined that her entrapment/breach of trust isn't as bad as his.

I'm not sure she did decide to use then dump him, I wonder whether actually that was actually just a knee jerk thing to say. After all in OP's last posts I thought she was more reflective and starting to waver abit on the situation.

Anyway, none of it matters because OP hasn't been back and probably won't given some of the things been said by some posters. This thread should just be deleted as it has no good use to anyone now, and quite frankly, has turned very sour to say the least. What a shame, it feels that no good work has been done here....

It will be interesting to see what would happen if all the women in here "tested" their partners by sending a random text/email/facebook message.

Let me start first, I can bet that in 80% of the cases the "test" would fail.

Well TheTruth I can only answer for myself. If my husband tested me in this way I would pass, even if he tested me over and over. Because I'm not a cheat.

Lily, no you "test" your husband and not the other way round. The women would obviously pass ( not all ). How mnay husbands would pass the "test" ? Anyone willing to give it a go ?

Just remember that if you confront him you have to be prepared to deal with the consequences... I.e if he says ok it was me... Are you ready to make the decision to either forgive him or leave him? A tough one as I would be fuming too...l

Bollox to him, he's a knob. She was right to trust her instinct and to test him. He failed. Me - I'd go for everything he's got. PAYBACK!!

All this - oh what a terrible woman she is testing her man, they're only human you know, is utter toss. She had been treated badly in past relationships, she had shared this with him, and inspite of that he's done the same. He knew she was vulnerable and had trust issues. So what if she's using him now, SO BLOODY WHAT?? She's doing it to get the best life possible for her SN child. She's not doing it so she can buy a pair of expensive shoes.

Good luck OP! x

(Oh and before all the holier than thou's start up again, I won't be revisiting this thread so you'll be wasting your time having a go!)

ohdearwhatdoidonow, can you try out this test on your DH please and see if he also turns out to be a knob ? You can go for PAYBACK too if test is positive.

Why would women 'test' their husbands, when those husbands (presumably) don't have form for bad behaviour? Trust should be given automatically in a relationship until someone's actions indicate that they are not trustworthy, as OP's partners actions did with the pregnancy porn. Having demonstrated that he isn't totally trustworthy in the past, I think the OP cannot be condemned completely for wanting to know if he is trustworthy now. He made his bed, when he messed her around in the past.

Even if all the women here did that test and even if 80% of husbands failed it, all that would indicate is that 80% of those men were not worthy of the trust which had been placed in them.

Quite karma . And the scathing treatment the op has had on this thread about daring to breach the man's trust and privacy, well I think think it would be reasonable to test my dh would it now Truth?

However, what is blatantly obvious is that the partner failed his test, and not just a tinsy fail either. He has texted really horrible things about op, her looks, their sex life etc. He's not just 'dipped his toe' into sexting here, it's a bigger betrayal. I don't think I could ever come back from that.

Tbh, (obviously I can't be certain!) I think if I sent my dh that 'wrong number' text, my dh would snigger and delete it. I don't think he'd text back 'what do you look like?' and 'I wish I was single'. It's not really his style.

• don't think it would be reasonable, not think think!

Eveything sweetLily and co said really.
I like to think that 80% of attached blokes wouldn't start sexting some random either.... and trust me I'm pretty cynical

Some love and kisses from the OcUK crew for you ladies.

I think his description of the situation has lost something in the retelling. Quite a few relevant facts are missing.

Agreed but that is the OcUK way I am afraid. They are both in the wrong but more so him for taking the bait in my opinion! Hopefully she will ditch him and meet someone that has some self control, obviously after she has sorted out her trust issues first of course.

I hope so too

This whole thread is rife with double standards, clearly the guy in the op shouldnt have entered into illicit conversation with the "made up woman".

Personally, I think her partner has just as much or even more right to be pissed off. It is clear that due to her own insecurities she wanted to keep subjecting him to various tests untill eventually he failed one. If he had not replied to the texts as he did what would her next step have been? She satisfied her need to find something wrong where there was nothing. The way she went about lying to and manipulating is much worse than sending a few messages.

It is shocking that anyone supports her in keeping the truth aboug what she had done untill he had signed the guarentor paperwork. That is absolutely disgusting. This screw him over and ring him for all his worth attitude is just bitter shallowness, how can you condone the lies and deceit on the op's behalf and ignore the morally wrong way that she has got him to sign the paperwork for the house.

Can't believe you chased away the OP! She came to us for help FFs!

given that the bloke lives with her and she is planning to make him homeless after the move.

etc. etc. etc.

Yes, I do feel a little sympathy for the poor old partner. I feel sympathy for anyone who can't remain faithful to their partner, and even a 'wrong number' text becomes an opportunity for sexting, and a discussion on whether to meet up for sex. I feel sorry for a man who has to throw his phone into a sink of water because the temptations of facebook of sex are too strong.

But you Boney, homelessness is something one must consider when one cheats on their partner (I consider sexting to be cheating) and the house is in the partner's name.

*But you know, Boney