I fucked up first but he has seriously fucked up too. What a mess.

[dammandblast]

And now I feel dreadful.

My Ex was a knob, he cheated on me and joined sex sites etc. When I met DP I told him how hurt I had been and he always swore he would never do the same.

We had been together a year when I randomly decided to check his phone and in his internet history was the page 'you have just logged out of facebook of sex' He said he had only looked at it that day and that he had to create an account to see the photos on the site - that he was curious. I checked his emails and he was telling the truth. He threw the phone in a sink of water, deleted his email address and de-activated his fb account as 'proof' it wouldnt happen again. It took ages to get over it and I think I would have left him if hadnt been pregnant at the time.

For over a year after that he only had a very basic phone with no internet access and we shared an email address - his choice.

Then he was given a blackberry and set up an email address etc although as far as I knew didn't use it to often.

I had a fit of paranoia and took his phone when he was sleeping to check his emails but couldnt find the inbox so went into the settings and set it up so that his incoming emails very sent to our joint email address. I know I shouldn't have but I just had a nagging suspicion.

And then I did something even worse, I used an old phone and put a new sim in it and sent him a wrong number text saying he was the most gorgeous man in the room, and he replied. After a casual few texts he replied that he shouldn't be texing as he has a partner and dc and he didn't want to lose us. I was really happy that he had 'proven' himself to me.

Until he text again this morning asking what I looked like etc and if I could send him some photos along with his email address. So I sent him some from google, and he sent some back. There were lots of dirty texts and some talking about wishing he was single etc and possible meet ups.

Right now he is upstairs in bed and I have just gotton an email to 'her' account saying he is in bed playing with himself and thinking of how beautiful she is.

What have I done

Name changer due to being ashamed of myself.

Sorry about typing, nursing baby.

Stop this now and tell him.

Carrying on is only going to hurt you more.

Oh and the bastard was texting me (when he was out) in between emailing her. Being all lovey dovey with me, kisses on his texts and saying he was missing me.

In one of his emails it says 'I want to be your thong so I can be near to your hot wet pussey all night' - his spelling. [Vomit]

I just heard him get up to go to the bathroom. Discusting man.

Fair enough DaB but two wrongs don't make a right. You know what you know now and keeping it going beyond this evening will just make you feel worse.

Title a picture message. This is what you could have had. Then send pic of you and baby titled GOODBYE

Have you/her and your dp texted about meeting up? That's as far as you should let it go really, that's kind of confirmation he is willing to cheat. As someone else said, the longer you keep this going, the more it will hurt you.

I am very sorry for you OP. Keep strong.

Anyway. Let's talk about what will happen when you tell the fool. Will you be ok? Accommodation wise?

Yes, this is my (rented) house and I have my own bank accounts, I don't need anything from him. I learnt from the last twat I was with.

I am meant to be moving next week though (again in my name only) and he is the guarentour on the house. I need to be within the postcode of the new house and cant afford to lose the money I have already paid out.

He must have 'finished' as he is texting me from upstairs saying he is cold and wants me to come for cuddles, and also asking whether I will still love him when he is an old man - that'll be the guilt then.

Fingers crossed, the OP is in a position to blow the twit right out of the water and is hopefully doing it now.

What is it you are trying to achieve OP? Surely it was the beginning of the end when you felt you needed to check his phone/e-mail. It must be such a drain of energy all this testing and trying to catch him out. For your own well being think you should stop texting and just decide what it is you want to do.

Cross posts! OP. Tell him sweetheart, enough is enough.

Just stop texting, this is ridiculous. Tell him what you've done and talk to him like an adult.

Oh and for me, that would be the end.

Ask him if he will stay faithful to you until you're an old woman. Ask him if he would ever even consider having an affair or lying to you. If he doesn't squirm he ain't human.

you just need to confront him now, Or even don't, you could just leave, you don't owe him an explanation, actually. Good luck.

How long till he suggests you meet so he can get his leg over?

You are going to put up with this?

If you tell him it is you, he will more than likely go white, stutter and then tell you that of course it was you, he knew it was you and he thought it was a sexy game the two of you were playing.

But you know. You know that he is an unfaithful rat at heart. You just have to decide whether you are going to accept that or not. Nobody can make that choice for you.

Stop torturing yourself with this, you have enough evidence keeping this up is not good for you. Confront him now

dammandblast, how awful.
You tested him, he has failed and miserably.

I dont think you can let this go on though, you owe it t yourself to stop now. Does it really matter how much further he would go?
Could you salvage the relationshop from this point? If you think there is something to save, then stop it now. Have it out with him try to see if there is anythig to save.

If you think its over, if you cant see it being saved then tell him. End both the testing and the painful experience for you

I dont think you will gain anything more from lettign it go further. I think it will just mean even more pain.

I am off to bed now, to sleep next to the creature. I only have about 2 hours before one of my DCs wakes up.

I will have to do whatever it is I am going to do about it tomorrow. I haven't had more than an hours sleep in one go for months and am exhausted.

Will update. Thanks all.

Dealbreaker for me even if he didn't take it further.

He is a rat.

I don't understand

Do woman text men like this for real???

Where does he think 'she' got his number?

So sorry this has happened to you op.

Only you can decide what you want to do now with the relationship, you are holding all the cards.

If deep down you feel he is using this imaginary woman for "wank-fodder" and nothing else do you feel you can ever forgive him and get counselling? For some men it's another version of sex phone lines (but much cheaper) so he could be doing it just to get his rocks off IYSWIM? I'm the last to stand up for a cheating man, and I in no way condone his behaviour - but is anything he is saying striking a chord? Have you both stopped giving each other attention? Have you stopped having sex for a long time? Is there any way back?

I would be angry about him giving details of your lovely DC and whereabouts though, she could be any kind of oddball! For all he knows she could be a man!!

I would be tempted to see if he is willing to meet. This would cement it for me i think. If he's prepared to actually cheat you know exactly where you stand.

Whatever the oitcome of this op, you need to get some kind of therapy to help you deal with your experiences and avoid future painful mistakes.

For now, give him an excuse that you have to stop texting and give yourself some headspace to decide what to do. going further into the sex talk will only make you more anxious.

Breath deeply, remember what you went through before, confront him and kick him out.

Ok, you'll cry for a while but self esteem is worth a few tears op.

Don't carry on this charade, please dont.