I fucked up first but he has seriously fucked up too. What a mess.

[dammandblast]

And now I feel dreadful.

My Ex was a knob, he cheated on me and joined sex sites etc. When I met DP I told him how hurt I had been and he always swore he would never do the same.

We had been together a year when I randomly decided to check his phone and in his internet history was the page 'you have just logged out of facebook of sex' He said he had only looked at it that day and that he had to create an account to see the photos on the site - that he was curious. I checked his emails and he was telling the truth. He threw the phone in a sink of water, deleted his email address and de-activated his fb account as 'proof' it wouldnt happen again. It took ages to get over it and I think I would have left him if hadnt been pregnant at the time.

For over a year after that he only had a very basic phone with no internet access and we shared an email address - his choice.

Then he was given a blackberry and set up an email address etc although as far as I knew didn't use it to often.

I had a fit of paranoia and took his phone when he was sleeping to check his emails but couldnt find the inbox so went into the settings and set it up so that his incoming emails very sent to our joint email address. I know I shouldn't have but I just had a nagging suspicion.

And then I did something even worse, I used an old phone and put a new sim in it and sent him a wrong number text saying he was the most gorgeous man in the room, and he replied. After a casual few texts he replied that he shouldn't be texing as he has a partner and dc and he didn't want to lose us. I was really happy that he had 'proven' himself to me.

Until he text again this morning asking what I looked like etc and if I could send him some photos along with his email address. So I sent him some from google, and he sent some back. There were lots of dirty texts and some talking about wishing he was single etc and possible meet ups.

Right now he is upstairs in bed and I have just gotton an email to 'her' account saying he is in bed playing with himself and thinking of how beautiful she is.

What have I done

Name changer due to being ashamed of myself.

Sorry about typing, nursing baby.

SweetLilyTea

under normal circumstances I would agree, "you've cheated get out" etc.
I wouldn't be bothered about that, but this is all happy homes and we will move toghether to the new place from both sides.

It really is sick on so many levels.

But if the OP didnt do that Boney then there was a good chance that she would end up homeless too! And as she wasnt the one who cheated, why should she suffer?

the circle begins again :)

There are always options for a single parent as far as living accomodation is concerned.

Even if the property that she is/was in is already signed up for someone else, she will find/be placed somewhere. If not its in her name.

conversely should he suffer for the honey trap?

I firmly believe that if you do not trust someone you should just end the relationship. Setting up traps. going through emails, generally snooping is just an excuse to make you feel better and makes you look like you are about 6, better to just end it.

neither the OP or her "D"p comes out of this in a good light.

No, sorry. If OP was doing it for purely selfish purposes I would agree with you about the moving bit Boney. But she's doing it for her child, to get her SN child into a particular school. Have you any idea the lengths some mums have to go to to get their SN children the right schooling? Some have to fight like lionesses for their dc. Why should she just 'be placed' somewhere?

If I was op I would absolutely try to get another sponsor (and in my personal circumstances I easily could) and get rid now. This man clearly cannot be trusted. But if the op has no other option? Well, she's doing for her child and it wouldn't be happening to the partner had he not done the whole cheating thing. Child comes before cheating lover in my estimation.

I'm guessing Boney won't agree though. (waits to be flamed for being 'as bad as the cheating lover')

I agree with SweetLily, this is about more than just a home. If I was her, I would do exactly the same.

if you believe that the end justifies the means then thats your view, I just believe that they as bad as each other.

Yes, I think that describes it well - the end justifies the means. Of course, the move is all planned, which makes a difference. It's not like she has intentionally tricked her partner from the start, she is just going to go along with planned events. It's not even about 'getting on over' the partner - it's about the home and schooling for her child.

Op - I hope you are still reading this and seeing you have some support.

Well, just to chip in - there are 2 points really. The first is that if the op thinks the relationship is over, then I think stringing the bloke along until he signs as a guarantor is hugely unethical.

The second point is about the "she needs to for the sake of her child" argument. Which I can't help feeling is crap. If her child has a statement then she can ask for him to be placed in an appropriate school no matter where she lives. If he does not have a statement there is no guarantee he will benefit from the programmes run by the school anyway.

How is lying to someone in an effort to get them to be your guarantor (and I am afraid playing happy families whilst planning to get rid as soon as he has signed IS lying) so you can move into a school catchment area acceptable, but lying about where you live not acceptable? Seems much of a muchness to me.