I fucked up first but he has seriously fucked up too. What a mess.

[dammandblast]

And now I feel dreadful.

My Ex was a knob, he cheated on me and joined sex sites etc. When I met DP I told him how hurt I had been and he always swore he would never do the same.

We had been together a year when I randomly decided to check his phone and in his internet history was the page 'you have just logged out of facebook of sex' He said he had only looked at it that day and that he had to create an account to see the photos on the site - that he was curious. I checked his emails and he was telling the truth. He threw the phone in a sink of water, deleted his email address and de-activated his fb account as 'proof' it wouldnt happen again. It took ages to get over it and I think I would have left him if hadnt been pregnant at the time.

For over a year after that he only had a very basic phone with no internet access and we shared an email address - his choice.

Then he was given a blackberry and set up an email address etc although as far as I knew didn't use it to often.

I had a fit of paranoia and took his phone when he was sleeping to check his emails but couldnt find the inbox so went into the settings and set it up so that his incoming emails very sent to our joint email address. I know I shouldn't have but I just had a nagging suspicion.

And then I did something even worse, I used an old phone and put a new sim in it and sent him a wrong number text saying he was the most gorgeous man in the room, and he replied. After a casual few texts he replied that he shouldn't be texing as he has a partner and dc and he didn't want to lose us. I was really happy that he had 'proven' himself to me.

Until he text again this morning asking what I looked like etc and if I could send him some photos along with his email address. So I sent him some from google, and he sent some back. There were lots of dirty texts and some talking about wishing he was single etc and possible meet ups.

Right now he is upstairs in bed and I have just gotton an email to 'her' account saying he is in bed playing with himself and thinking of how beautiful she is.

What have I done

Name changer due to being ashamed of myself.

Sorry about typing, nursing baby.

Arrange a meet up (preferably somewhere wet, cold and windy, isolated with no shelter) and not turn up. When he asks you where the hell are you, say something like 'sorry, someting came up' and you couln't make it.

You could have some fun with this one, but the bottom line IMHO, is that your relationship is over. In your shoes I would be making plans to leave. So sort out your finances etc.

If he asks why, then show him the evidence. Alternatively, you could always claim that "someone else told me that they saw you with x". That's the problem with communicating with strangers on-line. You don't know exactly who you are in contact with, so it would be difficult for him to disprove the version of events that you know is true, seeing that you are the other woman!

I'm so sorry this has happened OP but I would never believe such an implausible story; how would someone who has never met me know my number and names of my kids? I too strongly suspect he knows it's you and is very angry you don't trust him. Good luck but be careful.

I think waiting a week playing games will make you ill.

The other side of it, is I'm one who also thinks he has probably clicked.

He passed your test, but then paused but decided to find out how far he could push you before it blurted out.

Some of the things he is saying seem designed to provoke a reaction from you. They don't seem to be designed to impress a potential ow at all.

Not nice. But can't say what I'd do either. As if I thought my husband was trying to play games with me like this. I'd probably play along and kick his ass out.

I think by keeping this up for a week. You could be causing yourself issues either way.

Awwww sitting in my happy Sunday morning bed reading this all through and GUTTED for the op!!! I mean really!!!

Sending texts about fucking his wife and then telling her about it!!!

I too am astonished that you can be around him, but understand cos of the house thing. Poor you.

I also think, how can men be so callous? I have had the lovings texts and messages from my man this year, only to find out he had been messaging other women the same sort of things. I don't understand how people can present two sides of a face so consistently and live like that.

Hence my advice to you is - be OUT this week. I would not send anymore texts. You don't need to. I frankly, would be sorting the kids out and then getting out walking, in the fresh air, to think this all through. I would also be silently packing for the date you move.

Good luck to you, I really feel for you on this one.

Also, isn't it dirty when you comms stalk? Says it all. I did a bit of that, and it stank and I feel better with it over.

You seem so calm.

I would have given the game away by now - looking after my DC, checking Emails, Emailing, texting to him, texting as OW, lack of sleep AND posting it on MN!!!

My mood would have been sure to give me away if my partner was messaging this stuff... !

She knows the name of DC because he told her in a text, she has said nothing that he hasn't already told her iyswim. She calls me his wife and he hasnt corrected her, he referred to me as his partner. Now its just 'She'.

The first text I sent to the wrong number was new years day saying 'you were the best looking man in the pub last night' and it went from there.

If it wasn't over already it will be now after this mornings emails, he made excuses to go to the shop so I knew he would email. He said he wanted to fuck her so badly today that it hurt, and that he cant stop thinking about her, and that next time he fucked me he would be thinking of her etc etc.

To be fair I have spoon fed him a bit this morning and said I am available any time, now I know its over I am just collecting damming evidence although really I am just torturing myself. I need to stop but its like a car crash that I cant look away from. He keeps making excuses to be away from me to email but at the same time being extra nice to me. Telling me he loves me etc.

A few more days and he will have signed the paperwork and I can get rid of him.

Oh and She did suggest meeting for a shag and He said he didn't want to lose everything he had because he was scared he would get caught. Not bothered about me only about losing his DC he said.

He is a lying twat, and yes at least emotionally speaking he's a cheater too, but I think you should admit to yourself that you wanted this over long before you started all this texting and emailing crap, you've been waiting for him to fuck up, it hasn't happened quick enough for you so you've given him the shove.

Nasty games to be playing on both sides really.

I agree. I still think he knows personally and is playing op at her own game. Several people have said this, which she seems to be ignoring

The stuff he is saying, like when he is in bed, fucking her, etc. It seems more designed to get at op rather than impress an ow.

Either way it does seem that because he hasn't done anything of note since the last incident. The emails haven't shown up anything. Op has decided that actually no she doesn't want him, so has done this to justify the dumping.

It's not pleasant from either side.

dammandblast

"A few more days and he will have signed the paperwork and I can get rid of him."

sounds like there is a whole lot more to this than your story and your drip feeding.

OP already posted re her dp/dh standing guarantor for a place she's moving to in a week, no drip-feed that I can see.

Ok. Imissed that bit but

she is waiting for him to sign so she can fuck him over.

very nice. I don't think.

I was behind her at the beginning but she has been far to manipulating over all this.

Well yes she's using him and then going to use this to dump him. Both as bad as one another.

It's also worth noting that if you aren't tech savvy enough to get in emails on a BB. I very much doubt you've changed the properties of the google pictures, am I right? Which you've saved and sent On.In which case he'll know damn well it's you. I can't imagine for one minute, that he hasn't checked the properties of these pics to see where they came from....

That would explain him egging you on, rather than trying to charm the ow with his correspondence. Refusing to meet.

I'd stop the games now and talk to him. As come next week I think you'll have egg on your face op.

I don't think that he knows and is 'playing along'. That makes no logical sense whatsoever, unless he is a bitter, cruel arsehole who wants nothing more than to hurt his partner by playing some sick game... If he did know, he would either a) confront her about it, or b) not engage with the OW hoping this will cement the trust and thus protect himself enabling him to cheat in the future if he so wished.

I also don't agree that the OP is in any way to blame for this situation, as suggested by other posters. She set him up, and he failed miserably ffs. She was right not to trust him and this confirmed it for her. Sometimes you have to look for the 'infidelities', otherwise you will never be none the wiser, and IMO it would foolish to ever feel 100% secure in a relationship (I know this goes against the grain!)

Nobody needs an excuse to get out of a relationship, if she didn't want to be with him then she wouldve just ended it surely?!

Yes, she's using him, but she needs the housemove to get the right support for her dc at school. Not just so straightforward. :(

I would play my oh, then dump him. I'd be furious if he started fucking me around like this.

He will know its her. I gte she has slipped up on the pictures, google pics she has saved and sent on. If he's looked at the pictures not see if he can trace her, he will know in a flash op is playing silly buggers. It's a noob error.

So, if you knew that your OH was insecure anyway, and this hadn't been helped by your actions in the past, and you had suspected that he was setting you up... You would seriously play along?!

My god, if my husband tried to set me up, I would be mortified, not furious, I would be upset that i had made him feel so unsafe in the relationship. It would make me feel guilty and would do anything in my power to reassure him... I certainly would never play along!!!

I will add that I feel bad for the op, that within a week of setting the trap for him he's taken the bait so freely and after a little 'I shouldn't be doing this' he's managed to throw away his family. I would be feeling sick to the stomach to find it was that easy for my DH to do it.

If I knew my hubby was looking for a reason to dump me. After we'd signed for a new house, so he had what he wanted and he was trying to set me up to dump me.

Then yes I'd be furious, play him at his own game and dump him at the last second. Thankfully we don't play games in our marriage or have this tit for tat.

The crux of it is, op wants him to sign the house over, but she also wants him gone, so has concocted this little trap to get rid when she has what she wants.

The fact that so many people bar the odd few seem to be missing, is he knows alright. Op isn't tech savvy, she won't have reformatted or redone the pics.

He gets curious, he will, men always do. He will want to know where the pic came from, so he can see her fb, her dating page, her website, etc. He can do this with one click of the mouse.

The pictures are going to lead him straight back to google and op. So I suggest she stops playing games and presumes he knows. As it could all go tits up for her very soon if she carries on.

OP, I would get some advice about where you stand with the house when he pulls out of being guarantor, even after signing the terms, and youve moved in, etc.

As for all of the 'assumptions', that's what they are, assumptions. Only the OP knows what's happening in RL, and as far as I can see, there is no reason to disbelieve her.

That is exactly the advice she should be getting. What if he pulls out. What if he stops after the initial term, what action could he take.

Unless the guarantor contract is watertight, they often aren't he can easily pull out. It's all over Ll forums.

Because if she didnt redo those pics, which I bet a tonne she didnt, he knows. There is no way he hasn't had a look at the origin, to see if he can peek at her fb profile, dating profile etc.

He will know its a set up.

I really hope this thread isn't real, because it's making my heart sink like a fucking ten tonne truck

So lets look at the options here

the OP's DP is a bastard and she dumps him after getting him to sign as guarantor, the first thing he is going to do is stop being her guarantor.
OP will lose the property

the OP's DP is not a bastard but a bloke who is savvu enough to know that she is playing him along IF she gets as far as getting him to sign the first thing he will do is stop being her guarantor. she will lose the property.

Becauseimperfect

"Unless the guarantor contract is watertight, they often aren't he can easily pull out. It's all over Ll forums."

given the information here he would have reason to pull out.

is this how guarantorships work ?

you have to stay sweet with the person who did it, for the lifetime of the rental agreement or whatever it is in case they drop you right in the shit ?

christ, I hope I never ever have to live like that

back when i was a teenager, my dad was guarantor for a car loan

he couldn't "withdraw" once signed up, but if I defaulted he would have to pay up

is this different ? < clueless >