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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

'D'H punched through door in front of DC

196 replies

foggybrain · 17/12/2011 19:29

We have already talked about seperating, this is the latest in a long line of incidents which seem to be escalating. We had an argument this morning and I did shout at him, so I do feel it is partly my fault. I went out after for 30mins or so and walked back into the house in time to hear him really screaming at our baby. Our three year old and the baby were both hysterically crying. He had lost his temper and punched through a door in front of them both and was screaming at our baby to shut up. 'D' H hasn't even said sorry, has been snappy on and off all day, flying off at the kids and then apologising.

I want him out in the new year. I am telling him this tonight, but he already knows it. What I want to know is what to say to my 3 yo who has been very distressed today. I have already said that Daddy shouldn't have done it, that I am sorry it happened, but feel there is nothing else I can say. I heard DH apologise to her and say it was because he felt poorly (like that's an excuse). Not half an hour later he completely overreacted to her squeezing too much toothpaste out of the tube. I feel sick every time I see the huge hole in the door.

Is there anything else I can say or do to help our three year old?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 17/12/2011 19:31

Is it possible for your husband to spend a few days away, at his mum's or at a friend's? He shouldn't be living with you or the children whilst he's so angry.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 17/12/2011 19:35

He should go now

Right now

MrsSnaplegs · 17/12/2011 19:36

What any fucker said!

scentednappyhag · 17/12/2011 19:36

Agree with AnyFucker Sad your poor DCs.

Original poster
foggybrain · 17/12/2011 19:36

Possibly, if he will agree to it his mum has a spare room. I don't have anywhere to go with DC. I'm afraid to leave him alone with them without me in the house.

OP posts:
Original poster
foggybrain · 17/12/2011 19:37

X posts with AF. I think I am going to be sick. I need to be strong here. He's calmed down and is rocking the baby to sleep (I am listening and checking every few mins),

OP posts:
namechangerbat · 17/12/2011 19:37

He should go now.

Is there any one you can call that can come over and support you?

flatbellyfella · 17/12/2011 19:37

Just reashore her you are there for her and lots of hugs & cuddles, what an awful thing for them to whitness , I hope he has come to his senses now & calmed down.

santastooearlymustdache · 17/12/2011 19:37

He needs to go now, lying to his child about the reasons he did it is just plain nasty.

Making excuses to a 3yr old? He's not poorly, he's a twat.

Meglet · 17/12/2011 19:38

Call the police and get them to get him out. IME a man like that will not leave in any other way and it will escalate.

The police will probably refer you to Womens Aid.

Relate / anger management / mediation for him in the meantime.

I really wouldn't muck about TBH.

XP scared our then 2yo, DS was terrified. It was that moment I knew our relationship was over for good.

SolidGoldStockingFilla · 17/12/2011 19:38

Yes, you need to put him out of the house tonight. Ring the DV unit at the local police station, say he has been aggressive in front of the children and to them and you don't feel safe, and they will get someone round to be with you while you tell him to leave and, if necessary, forcibly remove him. Tell them about the hole in the door.

Original poster
foggybrain · 17/12/2011 19:38

Could I call MIL and explain? Not sure she'll take it seriously, they all know about DH's temper in his family.

OP posts:
SolidGoldStockingFilla · 17/12/2011 19:39

Or if you feel that's too far, ask them to log the incident, so that if he kicks off again they will respond quickly.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 17/12/2011 19:40

You and your dc are in a very dangerous situation

If you are too frightened to leave him alone with your dc, then your relationship is over and he must leave

I am really sorry, this must be horrible, but please do not swayed by any stupid maudlin thoughts about "But it's nearly Xmas"

all the more reason to get a violent man, who thinks nothing of terrorising his children out of your house

santastooearlymustdache · 17/12/2011 19:40

you were right with your 1st post Solid

bigTillyMincepie · 17/12/2011 19:40

foggy, call your MIL asap

santastooearlymustdache · 17/12/2011 19:40

and AnyFucker is bang on

SolidGoldStockingFilla · 17/12/2011 19:40

Never mind MIL if she has a history of trivialising his violence, get the police to come and remove him. They will do. And if he hangs about outside and tries to force his way back in, they will come round and remove him to a cell for the night, or longer.

Original poster
foggybrain · 17/12/2011 19:40

Is it really that bad? Jesus, I know it is. I don't think people will believe me, they'll say he's under a lot of pressure etc... that I'm overreacting.

How, how, how can he do this to them? He's so lovely with them usually, except when he goes off like this.

OP posts:
bigTillyMincepie · 17/12/2011 19:41

And do the Police call too.

FairToMiddlin · 17/12/2011 19:42

this is the latest in a long line of incidents which seem to be escalating.

Look at what you have written - you cannot take any chances

Please get him out of the house now.

namechangerbat · 17/12/2011 19:43

I've been in your shoes. I wish I had called the police.

MrsMcEnroe · 17/12/2011 19:44

Yes, you do need to get him out tonight. Don't wait until the New Year. Don't leave him alone with the DC.

Definitely phone the police, report what he has done, and ask if they can get him to leave (I have no idea of the legalities, which is why I'm suggesting that you ask the police what you should do). Show them the hole in the door.

Ideally you need him to leave the marital home, not you. However, the safety of you and your DC is paramount so, if there is no other option, can you stay at a B&B/friend/neighbour's house for a few days??

Please do not wait until the New Year. You need to do it now.

I'm so sorry.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/12/2011 19:44

Agree also with Solid; call the police now and have him removed from your home. They will take it seriously; there have been recent newspaper adverts from the police re domestic violence, please call them for your sake. Do not call MIL; she could well end up siding with her son here.

namechangerbat · 17/12/2011 19:45

Seriously phone the police.