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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I always said I would leave him if he hurt me, and now that day has come

305 replies

spareroomsleeper · 05/12/2011 10:45

Ive been on here before. Several times, seeking help and advice. Each time Ive received it. Each time, Ive lived on in denial.

Last night he grabbed me from my throat, and his fist was inches away from my face. DD (2.5) slept moments away in the next room. He pushed me out of the room and my head banged into the wall. I vomited with shock and because my throat choked from where he had grabbed me. He called me a whore continuously. I cried all night. This morning he woke up and said i want you gone by the time i come back, or I will smash your face.

I am at university here, so I cannot move from this city. Im in the process of finding accomodation from the university. If they cant do anything, I'll go to a refuge. Anywhere to get out of here.

I havnt told my mum. I lost my dad in may this year, and I just cant share it with her just yet.

I just need someone to hold my hand I suppose.
Really heartbroken and need a shoulder.

OP posts:
MistletoeAndFlump · 05/12/2011 21:01

Hope you're ok OP Smile

QueenCess · 05/12/2011 21:03

Did she say she had managed to leave with her daughter.

I so hope so.

MNHQ
OliviaMumsnet · 05/12/2011 21:05

@hackneyzoo

Queen, I think she mentioned her dd's rl name so maybe she had it pulled?

Hi yes - just to reassure you that was what happened.
Thanks M Towers

MMMarmite · 05/12/2011 21:06

Really hope you're safe now OP.

BertieBotts · 05/12/2011 21:11

Good luck spareroom.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 05/12/2011 21:39

Oh my goodness, SRS

I am so, so sorry things have ended up going this way

You have had brilliant advice on this thread. please get away from this dangerous man, before he hurts your daughter as a way to hurt you

That will be next on his agenda, believe me

I hope you are very far away from him right now, with a police report made against him

Original poster
spareroomsleeper · 05/12/2011 23:24

Sorry all, I mentioned DD's name by accident so I had my last post removed.

We're at mums now. I've brought all my things to mums. My brothers have brought it all up to my room and fussed and flapped over DD and avoided talking about anything too 'deep'. Although I've had several reassuring (awkward) pats on the back. I could tell mum wanted to talk but I escaped to my room as soon as we'd eaten because I just don't feel like I can sit there explaining it all to her.

I'm lying in my old bed that I had from the age of 15, in the room my parents helped me decorate years ago. I miss the sound of my parents talking in the bedroom below mine. Dad, can you hear me? I miss you so much Sad...I'm so sorry I am such a failure. Sorry DD, for being a rotten mum.

I am exhausted, and my throat is still very sore. I wish I could close my eyes and sleep here forever.

OP posts:
MMMarmite · 05/12/2011 23:30

You're not a failure. You've protected your daughter from a dangerous situation, you've taken action to improve both your lives, even though it was hard and scary. You've been a great mum today.

It's good to hear that you are safe.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 05/12/2011 23:31

Aww, I wish I could give you a hug from your dad x

You are not a failure. You are not a rotten mum. You have done the right thing. he left you no choice.

You tried. You tried much harder than he ever had the right to expect.

Please stay away from him now.

BertieBotts · 05/12/2011 23:33

You are NOT a failure or a rotten mum! You've done an amazing, incredible thing today. Well done you. You have done the absolute best thing for her, and it can't have been easy. You made a mistake, so? How on earth were you to know what he'd turn into? You've put it right now, a million times stronger. She is going to be alright, and you are. I hope you manage to get some sleep.

BertieBotts · 05/12/2011 23:34

That sounds really garbled reading it back, sorry. The same sentiment with spacing!

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 05/12/2011 23:35

Big Hugs. I'm sure your Dad is still looking out for you x It's bloody hard isn't it. Try to get some sleep, there's a lot to do tomorrow x

QuintessentiallyFestive · 05/12/2011 23:36

You are absolutely not a failure. You are a formidable woman!

isitmidnightalready · 05/12/2011 23:38

Sleep well and sleep safe, OP. You have just saved your own life and your daughter's future. You are safe and can relax now.

What you have put up with in the last 24 hours is unbearable and you have made it. You are safe and your great family are rallying around you. You are protected.

Sleep well.

Fisharefriendsnotmincepies · 05/12/2011 23:40

Well done spare room. Well done. Please keep us informed Smile

SchrodingersMew · 05/12/2011 23:51

I felt very sad reading this. :(

OP, you are not a failure. You are exactly the opposite, none of this is your fault and you have done the best you can for your DD by getting away from that horrible man.

I hope you keep safe.

x

Hardgoing · 06/12/2011 00:16

You are the opposite of a failure, you are a massive massive success by having the guts to get out and take your child with you, you have done something amazing by doing that and protecting your child. Mums are wonderful, I have retreated to mine several times as an adult, but always got back on my feet and got back out there. You are just regrouping.

toody · 06/12/2011 00:23

you are not a failure as a mum and nana myself I would be so proud of the courage you have shown. It doesn't seem like it now but your life can only get better it's an old cliche but today is the first day of the rest of your life!!!
Let your family fuss and spoil you you deserve it.

squeakytoy · 06/12/2011 00:33

You are not a rotten mum, or a failure. You have been a very brave, very loving mum who has done the absolute right thing.

There will be many women who are still trying to get the guts to do what you did today and your story will help them too.

Well done, and you and your daughter now have a much better future to look forwards too, and will have a peaceful christmas.

If your dad is looking down, he will be so happy that you are safe with your mum.

nickelbabe · 06/12/2011 03:51

completely not a failure.
yo uhave taken yourself and your DD away from a horrible situation.

I think you're a hero.

RainySmallHands · 06/12/2011 04:36

You are NOT a failure. I have no doubt that this will turn out to be one of the biggest, best, BRAVEST things you have ever done. And in time your daughter will be proud. And I'm sure your Dad would be proud, too.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/12/2011 05:17

Another person here who can't let you call yourself a failure. You have rescued your DD and yourself from a dangerous situation and got her somewhere safe and protected. That is the very best thing you could do. It is the essence of what being a good mother is. All the other stuff is just window dressing.

The same way you have saved your DD, that is how your Dad would feel about you.

ComradeJing · 06/12/2011 05:29

I'm so, so glad you got out OP.

You are a fantastic, strong person and a great mum even if you don't feel that way right now.

He is is a failior. He is worthless. He is a bad dad. He is a terrible husband. He is a terrible person. This is 100% his fault.

Blame him, not yourself.

jjkm · 06/12/2011 06:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

randommoment · 06/12/2011 06:29

Good morning Spare. Hope you got some sleep last night. I've been offline since mid afternoon yesterday, so relieved you're safe. You're going to have a busy day today I hope what with reporting the assault and getting things moving with the paperwork of your new life.

I hope your mum doesn't try to persuade you to do anything you don't want to do or shouldn't do. Would it help to get her to read this thread?