Husband making friends with young women on facebook......

[Facebookisforlosers]

Long story short....

Husband been a dick in the past, never cheated that I know of but I wouldn't be surprised.
We're both 37.

He's new to facebook, emailling one old female friend pages lots of smileys and ggls.(it's fucking lols)
He's now made friends with a girl from work who is 23 and looks like a stripper, pages of photos in lipstick lesbian poses, tiny clothes, short skirts.....

I'm making no assumptions about this girl and think she woudn't be interested in H. But AIBU to think that a 37yr father of four, married, is a tad pathetic to request fb friendship with a woman who he barely works with?

I used to work with a bloke who has managed to friend loads of lapdancers, I didn't think anything of them but looking through his fb I did think 'prick'.

Totally agree with you funnyperson.

My bloke gets on much better with women. I get on much better with men. Other people have had problems with this. Its never really bothered us, until I've had women question me about why he is so friendly with a certain girl, and thats made me a bit . Thats when its actually caused problems, because he was so upset that I didn't trust him and because he had been honest with me. And in hindsight I was totally wrong to question him - he'd done nothing wrong but be there for a friend who was going through a hard time self harming. He's very honest and open about the friendships he has with girls. I've met all the girls he's most friendly with.

Perhaps thats the approach you should take. Actually go on a work night out with him and met her.

I do find it sad that so many women have been sold the porn story of beauty.
I find that total crap. At 18, I'd wear short or v low cut stuff, not because of porn but more cos I liked it and got a kick out of being a bit outrageous and shocking people. I will admit, it was also partly about finding my own sexuality but that was purely about me. No one else. It had nothing to do with attracting the opposite sex. I don't see whats wrong with wearing certain clothes. Its you who is associating it with porn, not necessarily the girls in question.

I do find it sad that so many women have been sold the porn story of beauty

But who do you think YOU are to decide this young lady looks like a 'porn' star just because you don't like a few pictures of her on a night out?

FGS there's no need to feel 'sad' about it...I imagine many would disagree with your opinion of her looks anyway...especially the young lady herself.

Is there any evidence that your DH has been messaging this woman (women) or in any way behaving inappropriately? I don't think being someone's friend on facebook counts for much really.

How I would see it: your DH has joined FB and because it's new has been feverishly collecting "friends" on it and as such has randomly entered the names of everyone at work he could think of. A lot of "older" people don't have FB or don't advertise their profiles and so out of the 100 employees, your DH has managed to befriend 20 of them whose FB profiles are open to public perusal and by definition these tend to be young men and women.

You are overreacting I think. You would be justified in keeping a beady eye out for any seedy behaviour but your DH is getting a lot of criticism on here for not that much really.

The influence of porn is not necessarily direct.

I would say, you dont like him, you dont trust him and you dont really have any respect for him.

You say you would leave him if you were not in debt.

Does he feel the same way?

Your child is caught in the middle of this, and thats shit. No amount of money or lack of money can replace his childhood, and growing up with two parents who actively show their dislike for each other is unfair.

Leave him, if that is what you want to do. Why hang on when you are unhappy.

I would rather be broke and happy than live a miserable existence looking for arguments where there is no reason to find fault. Which is how your posts have come across so far.

You seem to be rather obsessed with looking into the FB friends of other people and making judgement too.

I have a porn actress on my friends list. Not because I like porn... it doesnt bother me either way, she just happens to be a woman I have known a long time. If you looked through my friends list, you could make rash assumptions without knowing anything about ME, and you would most likely be very wrong too.

Where in essence , your DH is openly ogling a 23yr old women for everyone on your page/his to see, that is disrespectful this issue is his

Rollon do you actually have a FB account?

How on earth can other people see the OP's DH 'openly ogling' a 23yr old woman?

I know there have been some Facebook changes recently, but as far as I'm aware...a bell doesn't ring as soon as you click on 'view profile album'?

Rightly or wrongly, how a person dresses and portrays themselves in public does create an impression of them that other people will judge. I don't believe for one moment that this girl isn't aware of that, but it is entirely her business and no one disputes her right to dress as she pleases. The OP hasn't said that she's a horrible person, only that her dh has a lot of 'friends' who are this 'type'. The description was relevant in outlining the issue with her dh.

God forbid, a woman should object to her partner publicly ogling other women. It is a matter of respect and I would quickly lose all respect for a man who didn't respect me enough to not publicly eye up other women. Lets be clear, this isn't a colleague that he has bonded with at work - this is someone he barely knows, whose 'look' appeals to him. with that in mind, he put in a fb friend request.

No one is saying you can't have friends of different ages/life stages. But this is not a genuine friend. There is a problem, when you are no longer happy or appreciative of the stage you are at and are deliberately trying to recapture your youth and single life.

OP, you sound like all the love and respect has gone. I think you would be better off out of this relationship , if that is the case.

What I meant was if said girls profile has a slutty DP , and shes someone her DH barely knows .

It does show if you've added someone and people arent blind, or stupid its humiliating,

Where on earth did the OP say he's openly ogling though?

I just don't get it?

As has been pointed out already...most photo albums are private until you become friends with someone on FB.

And even if they weren't, he can hardly control the sort of photos she decides to put in her own albums!

Lets be clear, this isn't a colleague that he has bonded with at work - this is someone he barely knows, whose 'look' appeals to him. with that in mind, he put in a fb friend request

One hell of an assumption there

He has quite possibly said he barely knows her at work in case OP goes off on one at him for actually speaking to her in real life. Although I doubt she goes to work dressed "like a stripper"... but you never know.

He may actually know and like her as a person, a work mate, nothing more than that. Would he have to not have her as a facebook friend purely on the basis that she has photos of herself on her profile while she is out socialising?

OP hasnt clarified (or if she has, then I missed it) who sent the request to who, or if he has actually comment to the girl, or to the OP about how she looks attractive in the photos.

In fact, there seems to be a lot of assuming being posted as fact on here.

karabeliever hit the nail on the head there.

What is a 'slutty DP'?

slutty display picture.

Some people change their profile picture on a regular basis. I do. It means nothing.

Ok...bearing in mind that one person's idea of 'slutty' can wildly differ from another's....again how is the girl's profile pic anything to do with the OP's DH?

My friends could all be changing their profile pics whilst I type this

I'm not to blame for that am I?

Squeakytoy, the OP did say that he had made the fb request and also that he barely knows her. In addition she is one of quite a few women of this 'type' on his friends list and it is disproportionate to the other 'types' of friend on there.

I think that once you are on fb, everyone else that you are friends with can see your friends list, even though they might not be able to see specific info about each person. So, it would be quite obvious to anyone looking that all the dh's 'friends' were young women (if they used their own photo for a profile pic). Certainly their mutual colleagues would be aware.

Argh , FFS

IF he has added someone he BARELY knows with a slutty display picture , he's OBVIOUSLY only added for one reason, do I have to spell that out too?

Other people can see he's added a much younger woman with god knows what hanging out, on her dp who again he BARELY KNOWS.

its humiliating to OP and disrespectful, why have people given her a hard time, she just describing what she see's if the boot fits wear it.

Anyone actually refused to add a work colleague on FB. It can be pretty awkward to do without offending....

But you have absolutely no idea what her profile picture is like Rollon as the OP hasn't mentioned it.

For all we know it could be pic of Minnie bloody Mouse

That's what I mean...there are more assumptions on this thread than in a Catholic Church!

Facebookisforlosers I will admit that when I first read your OP I thought you were being completely unreasonable - what you said in your OP (and subsequent posts) about the young woman seemed very unfair. Having said that I went away and thought about your situation some more. I maintain you do come over as quite judgy of this 23 year-old but I think she is bit of a red herring. I actually understand and sympathise with where you are coming from.

Your husband could be the type of man who is capable of developing and maintaining friendships with people of either gender and of all ages. He could be the type to enjoy friendships with ladies whatever their aesthetic appearance. He would be capable of forging a platonic friendship with a beautiful, flirty 23 year old woman or a shy, overweight 53 year-old woman.

Reading between the lines I suspect that your husband isn't like this. I suspect that you know that your husband is a lecherous oaf, one incapable of seeing women as anything other than sexual objects. A man ruled by egotism. A man with little respect for family, himself and none for his wife. A man who given half a chance would cheat.

Unfortunately this type of man is not a rarity.

Facebookisforlosers I feel very sorry for you, and I hope your circumstances change so that if you want to you can leave and be happy.

Disclaimer [English is not my first language and when I write long pieces my reasoning gets a bit jumbled but I hope you understand what I am trying to say above]

This is just awful, awful, awful. This marriage is over anyway. OP hates her husband. This fb issue is a side thing. She just dosen't like him.

All this hate projected onto a young 20 ish year old woman is disgusting. She is still to mature, still to find her way, still having a laugh, still a bit immature.

So she has some pics of her on face book on nights out with her friends in quite flirty poses, show me one 20 year old that dosen't.

She is a work colleague, it's normal to have work colleagues on your fb, you know. Not to mention how do you know he hardly knows her? Unless you are all at work spying at him? Maybe as op is so strong about the "type" of female he can befriend, he knows this so dosen't mention her much.

There is nothing wrong with adding a work colleague as a friend. The women here who are openly judging this poor woman in the name of feminism or whatever should be thoroughly ashamed.

Slutty, unintelligent, thick, pornstar, lapdancer, stripper. This is a DISGUSTING way to talk about a young 20 something female who is just starting out in life, probably yet to find her way. Someone who you have never, ever met. Women ganging up on this unknown female in such a manner should be ashamed and certainly not utter the word feminism. Grown women are supposed to help share their experience, help younger women finding their way. Not talk about them in such a nasty manner. It says more about you than any such "glamour" 20 something.

Have none of you ever learnt, don't judge by appearance?

Some nasty projection and jealousy in this thread. Fwiw I have a strong view on the porn culture, sexualisation of young women, etc, etc. I think here a few of you have got far too carried away, you are projecting and seeing things that quite clearly aren't there.

Lastly, I'll repeat, it's clear this op is a red herring. Op just really bloody hates her husband and appears to be looking for reasons to back up that hate.

Op if you hate him, you can just go, once you are sorted. you don't have to hand wring like this.

Very well put Bubbles.

bubblechristmaspop I love you. Could not possibly agree with you more.

He requested. I have not made assumptions about this girl. She is sending a message though, one I suspect most of the men she works with probably read loud and clear. I've worked there the culture is very sexist.