Husband making friends with young women on facebook......

[Facebookisforlosers]

Long story short....

Husband been a dick in the past, never cheated that I know of but I wouldn't be surprised.
We're both 37.

He's new to facebook, emailling one old female friend pages lots of smileys and ggls.(it's fucking lols)
He's now made friends with a girl from work who is 23 and looks like a stripper, pages of photos in lipstick lesbian poses, tiny clothes, short skirts.....

I'm making no assumptions about this girl and think she woudn't be interested in H. But AIBU to think that a 37yr father of four, married, is a tad pathetic to request fb friendship with a woman who he barely works with?

As a one off, you're right, but this sounds like the tip of a very large iceberg, we could do with some back story tbh.

I could care less who DH friends on fb, but then he's not an immature berk.

I wouldn't look too much into it. When you first join fb you tend to request the friendship of everyone, even if you have barely spoken and then you realise that it is rather pathetic and delete everybody!

What is it with these fake lesbian poses? I've seen them on my nieces pages and don't get it.

I consider myself a feminist, with feminist values and hoped that as my DH grew older he would have some too. It's a bit the same as views on page three and the like.

Being a feminist doesn't tend to mean judging other women for how they act. Normally it means being supportive of other women. No doubt you'd take one look at how I dress on a night out and tell me I'm pathetic too.

Why did you hope your husband would change as he grew older? Surely you marry people because you love who they are, not for who you hope they'll become?

Um, that's not really what feminism means, yellow.

"I think this is just another reminder that DH and I are not on the same page."

This is the problem. What other reminders are you getting?

To give him the benefit of doubt perhaps he wasn't aware of the photos until she accepted his request.

Um, what does feminism mean then tethers? Judging other women on their appearance?

It sounds like he's befriending young, pretty, self-confident women to raise HIS stock. Perhaps he feels insecure and needs an ego boost? Adding 'beautiful people' to your profile page of FB can bolster your 'league' if that kind of thing matters to you.

Have a look at his friends and see how many 'plain', un-showy people are on his list maybe?

Well, I was under the impression that it was about challenging the patriarchy and dismantling oppression, but I could be wrong.

I am certain that it's not about 'being supportive to other women'.

Judging appearances which adhere wholly or partly to patriarchal constructs is actually quite a feminist thing to do.

Feminist or not. I do think 'feminism' is also used at times on MN by people who won't admit they're jealous of another woman/other women.

It's the same when the subject of porn comes up

So many cries of "Oh, I don't judge the women in the movies...I feel sorry for them because they're forced into it etc..etc"

Now whilst I don't doubt some people truly feel that way, I do think for some it's something to pull out of the bag instead of admitting they're jealous of the women and insecure about their own appearance.

It's all a bit convenient to "feel pity for that type" and pretend it's a feminism thing imo.

I consider myself a feminist, with feminist values

How about stopping making disparaging comments about young attractive women then, who have made their own choice, to dress how they want to dress.

I feel sorry for any girl in her twenties who comes into your orbit, because unless she is dressing like a stereotypical librarian, you are going to be looking down your nose at her.

So far, all we know about this bloke is, he has added a colleage (who happens to be younger and outgoing) on his FB, and has had a friendly conversation with another woman who is his own age.

Op says she doesnt think he has ever cheated on her. Op says he has been a dick (whatever that may mean in her terminology) in the past, and considering they are only 37, if you didnt know the ages, you would think this was a couple in their fifties.

Everyone has their own versions of feminism then, because frankly I think women, especially young women, get enough bs from men for how they dress without me starting on them too.

Dons sackcloth.

Agree with squeaky, worra and yellowraincoat

To give him the benefit of doubt perhaps he wasn't aware of the photos until she accepted his request

Precisely... I dont judge my friends on the content of their FB photos.. most of the time photos cannot be seen until you accept a friend request anyway.

OP doesnt know this girl, but is judging her purely on her appearance... which is not exactly very "feminist" behaviour... is it...

There's no shame in feeling jealous, though worra.

It is possible to be a feminist and be jealous- we live in a patriarchal society where youth and looks are prized above all things. You'd have to be made of stone to not feel jealousy.

This doesn't mean that you have no right to criticise the society which sees young women eschew equality and feminism in favour of stripping and fake lesbian photos on facebook, and question her motivations for doing so.

I dont ever feel jealous of others looks tethersend and I think it is very sad to get jealous of some poor girl that has done nothing wrong other than have an fb profile and be a passing acquitance of the ops dh

Really molly? I do. Not a lot, but I do. When I am feeling fat and old and pregnant and I see images of lithe young things I do sometimes feel jealous, because they are so adored and desired.

My point is that my feminist views are not driven by this jealousy- and, TBH, I don't think that the OP's are either.

Oh I will happily admit to feeling a bit jealous when I see photos of my mates who are much younger than me looking stunning, but not bitter, or begrudging. I just wish I was still able to get away with it! Sadly at 42, I dont think a short skirt, boob tube, and fake eyelashes would be a great look unless I wanted to scare the neighbours!

If I was in my 20's again, I am sure I would be the "lipstick lesbian" poser too... . In fact, there are quite a few recent photos of me on my facebook, mucking around with my mates on nights out and pouting and posing for the camera.... I dont consider myself a budding, or ageing pornstar though... just someone having a laugh.

I dont pose in the hope that some bloke 14 years older than me is lusting after me, or anyone else either... but if someone sticks a camera in my face when I am out, I will happily strike a pose! ... and if they tag me on facebook, so be it.... doesnt bother me unless its a really really shite photo, in which case they get asked to take it off!

Im not older yet but I dont think being pregnant means that I am not adored and desired.

I dont do the lipstick lesbian thing but have photos of me in tiny little skirts and tops, even bikini tops and hot pants (and shock horror I have kids and I am married) I think the op is being harsh to this poor girl tbh.

I have read the entire thread and the one thing that stands out above all else is how little respect the the OP has for her husband.

Facebookisforlosers you describe with such condescension and such a dislike of your husband that I wonder why you are with him.

Right I'm pretty damned attractive by all accounts, always have been and feel even more so now I have children.

The way this girl dresses says little about her to me, to the rest of the world it's a man's ideal view and projects certain attitudes. It is this that is relevant to me, the relevance is that my DH is drawn to this....part of the attitude that drives this. I am embarrassed.

Agree with squeaky, worra and yellowraincoat

So do I.

OPN. Yes I wonder too.

You don't sound like you like your DH very much OP.

From the sounds of it I wouldn't either.

What he's doing is pretty pathetic, but more importantly you don't sound as if you like and care for your husband Facebook. You also sound very distanced from him.