Husband making friends with young women on facebook......

[Facebookisforlosers]

Long story short....

Husband been a dick in the past, never cheated that I know of but I wouldn't be surprised.
We're both 37.

He's new to facebook, emailling one old female friend pages lots of smileys and ggls.(it's fucking lols)
He's now made friends with a girl from work who is 23 and looks like a stripper, pages of photos in lipstick lesbian poses, tiny clothes, short skirts.....

I'm making no assumptions about this girl and think she woudn't be interested in H. But AIBU to think that a 37yr father of four, married, is a tad pathetic to request fb friendship with a woman who he barely works with?

Yep Mal, that's it.

He is new to FB wants as many friends as possible, those people he knows by site are going to get a request.

I feel the same when he shows interest in Amy Childs or Big Brother.

why shouldnt a straight 37 year old be able to find a woman of any age attractive? It is not a crime.

Just because she looks the way she wants to look, that is no reason to slate her for her appearance. You may think she looks like a pornstar, she may be quite happy with the way she looks.. it is her choice.

It is YOUR insecurity that is the problem here, but if he has actively done something (other than look at someone) then he is partly to blame for fuelling your insecurity.

The bottom line here is that you are jealous and insecure. Your energy should be directed as to why.

I have people on my FB who are in their 70's. Some who are still kids. I'm 38 and last week went out last week with a (stunning) girl I met on a course who is 22 for the day. My partner didn't bat an eyelid. Why? Because she trusts me.

Adding someone you vaguely know is par for the course on FB and I doubt the girl gave it a 2nd thought. I've loads of people on mine who i only know in passing and a few I've spoken to online but never even met. Welcome to the 21st century.

The real issue here is why YOU are making this into such a big issue? Deep down do you seriously think he'll be able to pull her and run off into the sunset?

As for my 22yr old friend, I suggested she find an older man whom would treat her better than her previous loser boyfriends. Do you know what she thought was old?.....28! The chances of her finding a 37 year old man with 4 kids attractive is slim to none.

As for why your husband requested her as a friend. Firstly it's normal as I mentioned before. Secondly he probably wants to just have an oggle at her photos.

But your 'awww' and your 'pity' for the way she looks in these photos makes you come across as very judgmental and condescending OP.

Add to that the 'losing respect' for your DH and I'm sorry but I'd say you're using all that as a very thin screen that doesn't quite hide your jealousy OP.

Really, if she were a 50yr old married woman with tweed knickers and a photo of her carrying the Holy Bible, she could still want sex with your Husband.

I think this is all about your insecurity and not this young lady.

Who am I jealous of? Or insecure about? Trust may be an issue, but it's general and not specific here. I was more worried about the pages of messages to an old friend. I think this is just another reminder that DH and I are not on the same page.

I am perfectly secure about who I am, how attractive I am.

The young girl is just the same as every one that you see in town/city centers on a Friday night. I genuinely feel pity and dismay and hope to God that my DD has a little more respect.

This is absolutely about remembering how I felt about men like my DH when I was that age and feeling like he's sad.

And I am pretty judgmental about women who 'perform' for men, but I blame the tabloid, lags mag culture that we live in.

Well I'll be honest, it comes across (to me anyway) as though you're trying to turn this into a 'women's issue' to gain support from MN...re the lipstick lesbian stuff.

I can well imagine these photos are no different to pics of many of the poster's own teenage/early 20's kids. Just a few fun poses on a night out...but your jealousy is clouding your view.

Hey? I hope my daughter is brought up to behave differently tbh.

What am I jealous of Worral?

I think the lipstick lesbian is only relevant because if she was dowdy then my DH's interest or position would be different.

I dont think it really matters tbh. I think its just fb friends doesnt mean anything. I am friends with people I have slept with on there, also my DHs colleagues as well as all my own. It doesnt mean anything and isnt a big deal imo. It seems like you dont trust your DH and that has made it a bigger deal than it is.

Men fancy attractive young women shocker.

You sound a bit bitter and judgemental and jealous OP. Maybe you're not, but that's how you're coming across.

The woman you are describing is a red herring. She doesn't really matter here. You obviously have issues with your partner, it doesn't sound like you have much respect for him. Maybe instead of blaming other women for how they look, you could sort out the problems in your relationship.

Really, I wouldn't give it a second thought. Lots of people collect friends on fb for a past time and she is just one of them. My DH has lots of friends on Facebook who are girls. I am five years older than him which makes no difference at all.
I would give him some trust. Give it six months and he will be deleting a few as you get fed up of people you don't really know popping up on your news feed.
Remember, he is with YOU. Get some confidence and try to be cool about it x

I'm not blaming her, at all. I described her as her 'type' is relevant. I have already said I make no judgments about how she acts.

It's the fact that he's in a different, more mature, stage of life.

I wouldn't be at all impressed if my 21 year old DD had pictures like you describe all over FB, it smacks of insecurity and buying into the shallow celeb culture that is so insidious - DD's latest fb pic is her with the hairy bikers, she got them to sign their book for DH for his birthday and she didn't need to have a skirt up to her arse and her boobs hanging out to do it .

The people screeching jealousy just don't get it. The type of man who likes girls like OP describes are saddoes of the highest order, that goes double if they're over 30.

I think the lipstick lesbian is only relevant because if she was dowdy then my DH's interest or position would be different

No, I think your interest in it would be very different actually.

So what? I'm 28, I have friends who are in their 40s, friends who are 19, friends who have kids and friends who don't. Just cos you're not in exactly the same "stage of life", whatever that is, doesn't mean you can't get on.

Mal, I do get it. If the OP thinks her husband is a "saddo", why is she with him? My partner drives me mental sometimes, but I would never think or talk about him the way the OP does about hers cos I love him and respect him.

Oh and men are always going to like "girls like that" the same way women are always going to fancy handsome men. That's human nature.

Oh and what squeaky said.

I'd trust him too, unless I had a really serious reason not to. But I'd also talk about the shopping/separate lives bit (NOT THE FACEBOOK BIT) and ask if we could have some more quality time + sexy laughs together, just he and I, because I was missing him a bit. Style of fing.

I'm betting that he's the type of bloke for whom mature (in every sense) women hold absolutely no interest.

Well, he's with the OP and she doesn't sound that mature, so maybe you're right Mal.

agreed yellowrancoat getting jealous over people your partner adds on fb is the kind of thing my 14 year old cousin and her friends worry about. If you a mature person with confidence in yourself and trust in your dh you wouldnt care if he added a pretty work colleague