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Original poster

Husband making friends with young women on facebook......

222 replies

Facebookisforlosers · 12/11/2011 07:32

Long story short....

Husband been a dick in the past, never cheated that I know of but I wouldn't be surprised.
We're both 37.

He's new to facebook, emailling one old female friend pages lots of smileys and ggls.(it's fucking lols)
He's now made friends with a girl from work who is 23 and looks like a stripper, pages of photos in lipstick lesbian poses, tiny clothes, short skirts.....

I'm making no assumptions about this girl and think she woudn't be interested in H. But AIBU to think that a 37yr father of four, married, is a tad pathetic to request fb friendship with a woman who he barely works with?

OP posts:
Original poster
Facebookisforlosers · 12/11/2011 09:31

No, I couldn't be having a mid life crisis. My youngest is now three and so life is back on track. Just noticing that whilst I think we, family, are getting somewhere together my DH is looking elsewhere.

TBF. Karma, he isn't doing single life so much but that's possibly financial as much as anything else. He does seem to crave the attention of younger women.

OP posts:
Original poster
Facebookisforlosers · 12/11/2011 09:32

And I always want to get out and about, he'd rather go shopping even food shopping.

OP posts:
Original poster
Facebookisforlosers · 12/11/2011 09:34

Case in point. A girl called Jo who he worked with that is going out with one of his friends who he's fb friends with is not his fb friend, but two distant colleagues are....

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 12/11/2011 09:35

Have you talked to him about this? It might not be too late to nip it in the bud. I would be inclined to point out how he is looking to an outsider, and also what he stands to lose if he goes too far down this route. Wouldn't hurt him to know that you will not be around no matter what and to find out where you stand, sooner rather than later.

Manathome · 12/11/2011 09:37

Nobody knows he is it is all female speculation, i would question why he is if he is, obviously he is not getting that satisfaction at home, she says she is better looking and he is getting the best deal e.t.c. so has a high opinion of herself, I wonder if he is fed up of being told he is fat and ugly and someone is actually appreciating him for who he is?

I see no advice to her in how she can start giving him what he is missing (if he is missing anything) rather than spending time snooping, why be on the forum now on a Saturday morning, me included, what a sad life, just motivated myself to go and get a life not waste it on here Grin

Original poster
Facebookisforlosers · 12/11/2011 09:39

Manat. Really? How do you get so much wrong?

children are at tennis and drama, DH is at a supermarket.

I have talked about it, he said with head down oh I'll just delete her no problem. It's the why that bothers me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Facebookisforlosers · 12/11/2011 09:39

Manat. Stop talking about female speculation, it makes you sound about 80.

OP posts:
Manathome · 12/11/2011 09:41

Get OFF this forum for a while, what are your kids doing now while you are feeling sorry for yourself! Go out as a family, even shopping to be with him, have a laugh, get to know him again as it seems you probably just communicate by text or email!

Have a great weekend!

squeakytoy · 12/11/2011 09:41

A girl called Jo who he worked with that is going out with one of his friends who he's fb friends with is not his fb friend, but two distant colleagues are....

And??? you are reading way too much into all of this. Being facebook friends with someone is so innocuous and in no way an indication of feelings for someone.

He is 37, and I assume you are a similar age. It isnt middle aged.

Manathome · 12/11/2011 09:42

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Makiko · 12/11/2011 09:43

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Original poster
Facebookisforlosers · 12/11/2011 09:43

It's his choice of who he seeks isn't it? And I think it's sad....why pick on all the young single women or women from his past?

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 12/11/2011 09:45

Manat, this is not really related to the OP, but people don't have affairs because they are not happy/getting satisfaction at home. Some people have absolutely lovely spouses, but cheat anyway because they can, or because they are bored/easily flattered or because irl they have to deal with problems and the affair is an escape from reality. Some people are just weak and pathetic and it in no way reflects on their spouse as a good partner.

Sorry OP, bit of a diversion there.

squeakytoy · 12/11/2011 09:45

Sorry, just re-read your op and see that you are both 37.

You are both young... not heading into your twilight years for a long time yet. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being friends, facebook or actually in real life with someone who is 23.. male or female.

I am 42, one of my best mates is in her 50's, one of my other best mates is not even 30 yet. I have a male friend who I have known longer than I have known my husband, who was 30 this year. We go to gigs together sometimes because we both like the same band, and my husband isnt that keen on them.

It is all about trust, and I can tell from your Op that seems to be the issue here, rather than the individuals that he is friendly with.

lugwump · 12/11/2011 09:48

I don't think facebook "friends" implies much at all. I've got some I don't even know who they are

tethersend · 12/11/2011 09:51

How do you know this girl is a colleague? Because he told you?

TBH, the fact that it upsets you should probably be enough for him not to do it; it isn't, and that's upsetting.

Or you could do what Manat suggests and stop being so selfish and pose for some lipstick lesbian photographs and become 23, as your DH is not getting this at home. Hang on.

worraliberty · 12/11/2011 10:15

OP are you saying that married men should only have married friends? Confused

You seem to have a big downer on the fact this young lady is 23 and single

Being 23 and single is not a crime and it doesn't automatically make her some sort of man eater.

Malificence · 12/11/2011 10:23

Instincts are there for a reason, presumably you aren't prone to irrational jealousy and so if you feel there's a problem, there is a problem.

I'd lose respect for my DH too if he was befriending young women of our DD's age, he doesn't even like looking at her FB pics of nights out with her friends 'cos it makes him uncomfortable and he feels like a bit of a voyeur.
OP's DH sounds a bit pathetic imo.

worraliberty · 12/11/2011 10:25

Yes but that's because she's his daughter.

I cringe when I look at pics of my almost 20yr old son's nights out because I'm his Mum.

I don't cringe when I look at pics of my 20 odd year old friends having nights out because I'm not their Mum.

Makiko · 12/11/2011 10:28

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Malificence · 12/11/2011 10:30

I like looking at DD's nights out, she and all her friends are beautiful young women out having fun, DH feels it's innapropriate for him to do it.

squeakytoy · 12/11/2011 10:31

Malificence, this bloke is 37, not 57!

worraliberty · 12/11/2011 10:33

Exactly, it's only a 14yr age gap!

Malificence · 12/11/2011 10:34

I don't think this is actually about the age or appearance of his female colleague, I suspect it's about lack of trust and respect for a man who is not very emotionally mature , this just highlights how immature he is.

Original poster
Facebookisforlosers · 12/11/2011 10:35

Awww.....I don't have a downer on this woman because she's anything. Her life, her values is her business. The whole 'pornstar' look makes me feel pity for that type, the Hooters, lap dancing crap that all these girls feel they should measure up to.

The point of my annoyance isn't that my DH wants to sleep with anyone, I hardly think she, if anyone else, would. It's not what his intentions are either really. It's a feeling that he's pretty pathetic in their eyes and that he should grow up.

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