worried about OH porn use leading onto something more?

[unicornshoes]

Hi, just wanted some advice from those that know. OH has been looking a quite a bit of porn recently on line, which I am a little upset over having recently had a baby and feeling very unattractive myself. Everytime I ask if he has been looking at porn he says no, even though it pops up the next day as I open a new tab. But he prefers to lie than just admit it? Recently though having looked at what he had looked at because of his denial thing and pop up came up. Saying something like "hey sexy, Im dying to speak to you". I asked him about it and he said he has no idea why this popped up. Anyways I didn't believe him so clicked on this pop up which then took me directly to Adult Friend Finder, on a page which showed local women looking for sex. So to me it seems as though he must have searched that site?

I again asked him about it and he said it must just be linked to some of the other websites he has looked on and that they know is location through our IP address?

I feel sick to my stomach to think he has been searching for local women or god knows what else. I just dont know if what he is saying is true re the IP address?

He is pretty convincing and I don't know if I'm being a bit dim.

Our relationship hasn't been great recently, two young children, no intimacy so I think who would blame him if he was looking elsewhere. I just can't figure out if he is telling the truth.

you are following the brainwashed masses lisa

the FB version of real life

men have "urges" and women have to accomodate them or face that most heinous of situations... singledom < sharp intake of breath >

Oh dear Lisa, I have a trowel if it helps.

lisa porn is video-taped prostitution

don't you see the connection

dfferent aspects of the same industry

Good god lisa, do you not read what is right there in the first post????

OP said he had been using porn sites, they are there in his history and when she went on them, the pop ups came from them, she saw them appear!
WITH HER OWN EYES.

I am convinced that knobstain had never used porn before he went out to find a prostitute

I stand by my oopinion.

He stumbled across this woman who wanted him to spurt his sperm all over her eyelids quite by accident

Lisa. I thought you were leaving the thread. Oh I'm 30 fwiw. So not much older than you. Amazing how much you grow up in 5 years. My Dh is 29.

I used to be like you. Then realised I was the sheep and that the sex industry is painting a really dismal future for my children's relationships.

I think Lisa is actually George Osborne. He should be chewing his nails over greece fgs.

GO TO BED/VOTE Mr Osborne. Jeez some gov ministers. What are they Like?

Ohh now we are getting to the ram reasons for the skewed views on what is cool. I get it.

silly old George

lisa, hide the thread like you said you would

none of us are getting anything out of this pointless sniping, tbh

it seems our POV's have no meeting place

perhaps with a few more years on your clock, some things will become clear and you will remember these conversations you had and cringe

I did

hopefully you will, too

But my situation was completely different to the OP!

Ram** main. Stupid iPhone . I'm off to bed.

Whatever.

night bubble x

I am enjoying this pointless sniping (yawn)

Lisa : Do you consider me a sheep or a woman who has made her own mind up?

UA, I am fucked off with myself for getting drawn into it again, tbh

Oh dear Lisa, I'm :( for you. Do some reading on the subject.

It's a terrible industry, please don't demean yourself by supporting it. Hide this thread, take a deep breath and do some reading - other MN threads on the topic have some excellent book recommendations. My dh does not like porn - no word of a lie. Some men I know do, other men don't. The ones that don't tend to be of the more 'socially aware' type. They are aware of what they are watching.

I've no doubt that some men don't like or watch porn. I've also no doubt that there's far more men who claim to not watch porn, maybe even are ideologically against it, but still watch it. And to me, that is more of a problem then men who are more open about it.

Also, OP can I just say that over the years, and during the babyhood of our 3 children, my dh may have found our sex life less than amazing - let's face it , pregnancy, birth and stitches aren't that sexy - but he hasn't felt the need to turn to to porn.

Please don't accept that porn is something a man needs - it isn't. Wanking off and looking at online porn are not synonymous. I can't help feeling that the type of online porn we are talking about here is nothing to do with lack of sex at home - it's something that excludes the partner, it's not something that is necessarily done in place of rl sex.

OP, I've just read/skimmed your thread and I think you were brave to post it.

I also think you have every right to be concerned that your man's porn-use might escalate...(and I've bookmarked AF's UA's and others arguments for future reference, many thanks to you and please DON'T STOP!)

DD (20) told me about a work colleague who was chatting on ( amusingly ffs ) about discovering her boyfriend had been on more hardcore sites than usual
When DD said she would hate her dp doing that, wc replied, 'Well that's because you're still young. You've not got enough self-esteem yet.'

I'm glad DD can talk to me about stuff like this and double-glad we've had access to MN Wisdom.

(ExP is paying a debt-collection co for much credit-card phone-porn. Sad)

Great thread.

One of the reasons Amsterdam is cleaning up the red light district is the shocking amount of women trafficking going on there now.

You should take a stroll down there - I live here - and see how thrilled those women are to be standing in that window.....

Why would it be any different in the porn industry?

I would be horrified if a partner was into porn. It would be a reflection of how he sees women and consequently me too.....

It would be a reflection of how he sees women and consequently me too.....

Exactly. Women need to understand this and fast.

Seems like I really have a lot of thinking to do and don't even know where to start. My head is jammed, I selfishly hadn't really considered the moral aspects of porn and feel guilty about that tbh.

I wonder if someone could kindly provide some links re trafficking for the porn industry and other nasties I should be aware of.

I'm 31 (only mentioning this as I feel I should know better by now) and as tallwivglasses mentioned above I felt that it was my low self esteem that made me feel sad about my H looking at porn, but realise now maybe that I have been slightly brainwashed into thinking that its ok. Now feeling very silly/gullible but starting to see things from a different viewpoint entirely.

Thank you for opening my eyes.