worried about OH porn use leading onto something more?

[unicornshoes]

Hi, just wanted some advice from those that know. OH has been looking a quite a bit of porn recently on line, which I am a little upset over having recently had a baby and feeling very unattractive myself. Everytime I ask if he has been looking at porn he says no, even though it pops up the next day as I open a new tab. But he prefers to lie than just admit it? Recently though having looked at what he had looked at because of his denial thing and pop up came up. Saying something like "hey sexy, Im dying to speak to you". I asked him about it and he said he has no idea why this popped up. Anyways I didn't believe him so clicked on this pop up which then took me directly to Adult Friend Finder, on a page which showed local women looking for sex. So to me it seems as though he must have searched that site?

I again asked him about it and he said it must just be linked to some of the other websites he has looked on and that they know is location through our IP address?

I feel sick to my stomach to think he has been searching for local women or god knows what else. I just dont know if what he is saying is true re the IP address?

He is pretty convincing and I don't know if I'm being a bit dim.

Our relationship hasn't been great recently, two young children, no intimacy so I think who would blame him if he was looking elsewhere. I just can't figure out if he is telling the truth.

If I asked DH if he wanted to come all over my face I know exactly what his reply would be, it would be " why the bloody hell would I want to?"

I firmly believe that porn influences what boys/men think sex should be, if they grow up wanking to films of men literally wanking all over women then it becomes hardwired, there are a lot of porn users on the love honey forums, they all talk about ejaculating on faces and women squirting pints of fluid as if it's part of everyone's sex lives - if I gushed pints of liquid I'd assume I had a severe bladder problem and if DH could only finish by wanking himself over me I'd assume he was sexually dysfunctional.

UA - I remember the disgust I felt when I had a look at some typical mainstream porn, and I wept when I saw a woman crying while choking on a dick being shoved down her throat, you could see the fear in her eyes...no wonder many porn actresses end up on drugs and booze.

Jk. The only person treating men like children is you. Presuming they are so sexually incontinent. They must use porn or they will be unfaithful. A man has gotta go somehow right?

How patronising. I see you have no advice for the op, just more if your agenda.

This is clearly more about the porn. He isn't going to change op listen to ua.

Look at any of the porn "mega" sites and there are adverts for sites such as "18 and abused", truly disgusting imagery, even if it is only acting, for the women who are perfectly fine and blase about their partner using porn, how would you feel if a site like that was in his favourites?
Care to answer JLK2?

Could a man really remain unaffected by regularly getting off to filth like that? IMHO it's on a par with images of child abuse and should be illegal.

Yes and that's what it's all like.

And the ads on some sites make me want to throw up - "local sexy chics want to fuck you right now"

Really? well god, round where I live everyone wears tracky bottoms, is two stone overweight and skint. I include myself. It's a small place where I live so she can't possibly be local or that thin. She'd get lynched outside the pound shop.

I never get to some site and have a picture of a genuinely local bloke who lives say in Willow Crescent near me, who is hung like a baboon, has a six pack, come-hither eyes, is 'online right now waiting for me' and furthermore and is dying for me to shag him right that minute.

And if there was, well I'd run a bloody mile. I had the flu once and that was bad enough thanks.

But poor deluded men seem to think it's their divine right to be able to pull/buy/get handed on a plate, local hot chicks just gagging to be spermed all over.

I had a boyfriedn once who kept demanding I 'swallow'. The second time, I held it in my mouth as I was about to wretch and dribbled 'if you like it so bloody much you swallow it'.

He looked as though i had just set fire to his gonads and dumped me.

He is divorced three times and has four kids by different women. leopard and spots OP. His porn use just escalated from a young age to pure abuse.

She'd get lynched outside the pound shop

< snort >

I think what I find so sad about these pathetic dick-led men is they believe that fantasy

on some level, they really believe it

they do think that Cock is King

is it any wonder that excessive porn use is associated with fucked-up sexual boundaries in these bloke's real lives ?

female porn apologists ...your sons and daughters are being brought up to think this crap is increasingly socially acceptable

so when your precious 15 yo dd comes home in tears because her teenage boyfriend expected her to submit to anal sex and threesomes on her first time you will say "boys will be boys, they can't help it"

and when your sweet teenage son thinks it's expected to make his gf choke on his nob, and he has her dad after his nuts, you will make excuses for him yes ? "he didn't realise it was wrong"

and porn is just harmless release of sexual tension ?

yeah, right

That last post was all over. I was on my phone. But it's not the porn per se. It's the whole, deceit, disrespecting of your partners wishes. Withdrawing intamcy to knock one out over the scenes described.

It actually does men a disservice to suggest they will cheat if they don't have porn. It equally does women a disservice to suggest, putting up and shutting up or their men may cheat.

It's not that way for everyone. Op is unhappy, I don't blame her. She shouldn't be grateful, that he isn't going elsewhere.

Fwiw, men so attracted to porn, that they forgo a normal sex life. Are more likely to move on to sex with workers, or meet sites. So she is right to be concerned.

You know he probably has some spyware/adware on his computer that automatically pops up porn adverts. He could be completely innocent and you ate all jumping on the bandwagon to demonise him.

An argument was made (well, an excuse) earlier in the thread about the ethics of porn being on some sort of par with the ethics of clothes/coffee etc.

Yes, while it is important to consider ethics in all your actions, there is a difference when you're actually wanking off to unethical practices. If you happen to buy clothes or coffee that isn't fairly traded, are you getting off on imagining kids in sweatshops or poorly treated food producers?

That's what porn is - it's getting off on abuse. Or, being completely nonchalant about whether abuse was occurring and still managing to get off.

Nice.

Who said that it wasn't pop ups? I think everyone agrees pop ups of this nature occur on adult sites.

Op is concerned his usage could go further. A valid worry as he is decitful, uses it a lot and is withdrawing from an intimate relationship with his wife.

All the signs of a huge problem,

I don't think that's true at all. In most porn that I have seen the women are seen to be consenting to and enjoying the sexual acts involved. I know there is porn where this is not the case but I do not think it is mainstream. I do not know many men that enjoy having sex when there partner is not enjoying it to.

do you know many porn workers, JLK ?

If I included a link here to an horrific programme about the reality of so-called "mainstream" porn, would you watch it ?

They all seem to be enjoying it. That old chestnut. Have you seen a mainstream porn site lately?

I have. I did so as I want to know what my kids are going to be facing. I wanted to see why blokes like frankie cockhazard are popular.

I felt physically sick and so sad. If I found out my husband got off to mainstream porn like that, I'd end it.

He was genuinely disgusted. He has used porn in the mag days, his attitude has changed as he got older and became a Dad. We are both now really bothered about how to deal with this when our kids hit puberty and start finding out through mates.

But anyone who's done any research knows that most are NOT enjoying the sexual acts, and many are not even consenting. And how are you going to know exactly? Those very scrupulous porn sites pointing out that 'all the women are of legal age and all activities are consensual'?

Hmm.

And as for not many men being into non-consensual sex (in porn or otherwise), ever tried googling 'rape porn'.

Hardly any pages come up because it's so very very unpopular. (sarc)

actually, I have changed my mind

I am fucking sick of trying to educate people

...the ones that don't want to hear it, anway

It's acting. The point I was making was that the women involved were acting as if they were enjoying it. If the point of porn was getting off on "abuse" wouldn't they be acting like they didn't enjoy it?

I've no doubt that "rape porn" and the like exists.

I wouldn't want my kids looking at porn when they are young children.

Does anyone think she missed the point?

You haven't answered my question JLK.
Do you know what porn your husband likes? What if it isn't all happy, smiley women enjoying mutually respectful and enjoyable sex, how would you feel if he liked rape porn or barely legal stuff? Would you still not have a problem with it? Please answer, I'm genuinely interested.

she's been missing the point in every post she has made

I can only conclude there is a problem of deliberate winding-up, fingers-in-ears denial or obtuse stupidity

Take your pick, folks

OP hope you are still with us and are feeling ok.

Porn really is not the harmless thing many make it out to be.

I will share a little of our history as an illustration of where it can lead.

DH was a heavy porn user a few years ago and we had some serious intimacy issues. He had became so desensitised by looking at porn that he was virtually unable to have a normal sexual relationship. It took some serious couples counselling to pull us through that period. I sat down with DH one afternoon and went through exactly what I didn't like about his addiction. We looked at the lives of the performers and the risks they faced. We also looked honestly at the impact it had already ad on our lives and our relationship.
DH decided that porn was not worth losing what we had over and sought professional help to deal with his side of the issue.
What we both learned is that the porn had replaced healthy lust and sex with a warped substitute that killed the intimacy we had. I don't totally blame DH as I had always been fine with his porn viewing (as I had been with my ex's). But we learned the hard way what it can do to a loving relationship.

DH no longer views porn as harmless, and no longer watches it as in his own words to a friends teenage son "it messes with what you think is right and normal and almost stopped me functioning as a normal bloke in the bedroom"

OP don't get too hung up about the pop-ups as I even get them from film sites and other places (had one offering me the opportunity to enlarge my penis the other night). But I think the lies have to stop right now.
Feel free to show him my post if you think it will help any. To many people think it is all just harmless fun.