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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

worried about OH porn use leading onto something more?

208 replies

unicornshoes · 01/11/2011 12:53

Hi, just wanted some advice from those that know. OH has been looking a quite a bit of porn recently on line, which I am a little upset over having recently had a baby and feeling very unattractive myself. Everytime I ask if he has been looking at porn he says no, even though it pops up the next day as I open a new tab. But he prefers to lie than just admit it? Recently though having looked at what he had looked at because of his denial thing and pop up came up. Saying something like "hey sexy, Im dying to speak to you". I asked him about it and he said he has no idea why this popped up. Anyways I didn't believe him so clicked on this pop up which then took me directly to Adult Friend Finder, on a page which showed local women looking for sex. So to me it seems as though he must have searched that site?

I again asked him about it and he said it must just be linked to some of the other websites he has looked on and that they know is location through our IP address?

I feel sick to my stomach to think he has been searching for local women or god knows what else. I just dont know if what he is saying is true re the IP address?

He is pretty convincing and I don't know if I'm being a bit dim.

Our relationship hasn't been great recently, two young children, no intimacy so I think who would blame him if he was looking elsewhere. I just can't figure out if he is telling the truth.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 02/11/2011 20:42

thanks, KO

your story illustrates that porn is also harmful to men

KoPo · 02/11/2011 20:45

Yes it is harmful. So harmful it nearly broke my relationship with DH up.

And DH is a very caring loving and self aware man who I adore and most people who know him care for as well.

To think that nearly came to an end over imaged on pape and a srean is shocking.

KoPo · 02/11/2011 20:45

damn this silly keyboard! .... Typo's all over my last post

Original poster
unicornshoes · 02/11/2011 20:49

Yes I am still here, thanks KoPo just been trying to catch up a little, thank you for sharing. Will have to come back tomorrow now. I need some sleep and DD just dropped off so need to make the most of it.

Will keep reading/posting tomorrow.

OP posts:
UnlikelyAmazonian · 02/11/2011 21:25

JLK9whatever, you can't spell.

UnlikelyAmazonian · 02/11/2011 21:30

Well how very disappointing and predictable. I just typed 'men with big dicks' into google and what do I get?

no no no, oh no not men with giant penises ready to give me one dressed up all sexy for a ladee-like..

or men just flailing their enormous hot willies around,

no, I get some poor wild-eyed woman with a big dick stuck in her gob.

www.yobt.com/bigdicks.html

UnlikelyAmazonian · 02/11/2011 21:34

Sleep well unicorn sorry if thread taken over.

LisaLovesWine · 02/11/2011 21:46

Some of you lot are very niave, your husbands dont do it because you dont want them to or because he doesnt like it. in reality he couldnt give a rats arse about and hes sat there like a nodding dog yes darling, no darling 3 bags full darling.

bubblegumpop · 02/11/2011 21:50

It's naive. Don't judge everyones husbands by your own diabolical standards.

You realise some men can actually be clever enough to have political thoughts on the sex industry right?

Cannot compute? Why are you on this thread wino? Is it to make the op feel stupid?

LisaLovesWine · 02/11/2011 21:54

You talking to me? wino? Lmao

bubblegumpop · 02/11/2011 22:00

Do you mean to come across as so terribly uneducated? It undermines your point of view. Making you look like a silly, illiterate, daft, school girl who acts the slapper as it is cool.

If you don't have anything constructive to say to op. Even if it's a different opinion. Note constructive, then leave her alone.

You really are making yourself look stupid.

Malificence · 02/11/2011 22:02

Oh so we're naive, damn, how did I miss that? Hmm

Some of us are also twice your age Lisa, with marriages older than you are and husbands who are honest and decent men who actually like and respect women and who have daughters , it must be quite shocking for you to have actual proof that actually, not all men use porn and not all men lie to their wives as a default setting.
I'm not surprised that it puts you on the back foot because it challenges your brainwashed, force fed assumptions about male sexuality and it's a hard thing to face .

UnlikelyAmazonian · 02/11/2011 22:06

Can I just say I love Gavin Hewitt, or is there no time?

AnyFucker · 02/11/2011 22:08

who is Gavin Hewitt ?

KoPo · 02/11/2011 22:10

LLW : Please don't assume what is and is not the reality in other peoples relationships. I was fine with DH viewing porn, unfortunately in our case that viewing turned into an addiction and big problem.

That came as a slap in the face for both of us. I thought it was just images and not a problem, until we looked at what it had already done to a loving good relationship (now back on track). For us it wasn't a political thought process, it was personal experience of what it had done in our lives.

Think about what you are saying before you say it

LisaLovesWine · 02/11/2011 22:11

Lmao yes somwtimes you can tell how old you lot are wirh your 50s democratic views. women should be confined to the kitchen ways.
I cant be arsed no more you cant educate pork. Yes so what im 25 married with 2kids doesnt mean i cant have an opinion. Just because my opinion doesnt shadow yours it makes me a stupid uneducated illiterate little girl. I refuse to be a sheep.

LisaLovesWine · 02/11/2011 22:12

I am hiding this thread now. Cba.

LisaLovesWine · 02/11/2011 22:14

Oh and slapper? [Hmm]

Malificence · 02/11/2011 22:16

I'm afraid you've painted yourself as an uneducated and illiterate young woman from your very first post ( which was wrong but you won't admit it) Lisa.
I would have thought that a woman who has been betrayed the way you were by a man would have a little more empathy for another woman's distress.

LisaLovesWine · 02/11/2011 22:21

Malificence Wed 02-Nov-11 22:16:56

I'm afraid you've painted yourself as an uneducated and illiterate young woman from your very first post ( which was wrong but you won't admit it) Lisa.
I would have thought that a woman who has been betrayed the way you were by a man would have a little more empathy for another woman's distress.

Errrm could you ellaborate on that please as i have absolutley no idea what you are on about?

LisaLovesWine · 02/11/2011 22:23

You might think i have painted myself as an uneducated and illiterate young women from my very first post but that is my view! My first post was about the pop ups. Pops ups do not just occur from adult sites. They can occur from download sites. Does your DH (OP) download movies? If so there is your answer!

AnyFucker · 02/11/2011 22:23

lisa , the rather sad thing is you don't realise you are the follower, not the free-thinking individual you say you are

LisaLovesWine · 02/11/2011 22:24

Who am i following then, the majority seem to be following you AF, if i was a follower i'd be following you.

Malificence · 02/11/2011 22:24

You are a name changer, yes?

Using a previous name, did you not say that your ex had given you an STI from using street prostitutes?
If not, my apologies but you did give 2 previous incarnations on another thread.

LisaLovesWine · 02/11/2011 22:27

Oh that, yes he did because he was a knobhead, but he wasnt using porn he was using prostitutes, he was a wanker hence why i am not with the knobstain now. This thread is about porn not prostitutes - whole different thread there.