Husband has left me while am 5 months pregnant with first child.

[bidleyboo]

I am devasted. On sun 23 Oct i came home at 2pm to find that husband of 2 yrs had taken all his belongings and left home. I had panic attack called ambulance went to hospital. He never came but said he cared for me and baby but wants seperation and most probable divorce. He had stopped talking to me properly for 6 months, says no other person involved. I have no family/ siblings and totally isolated. Have lost 5 pounds weight in since 23 Oct and frightened that I will not make it. He wants to be at scans and birth. I am detroyed.

I feel a bit sad and low today. I have an early scan for kidney stones then a follow up in the afternoon. I just feel upset going in to the hospital where sometimes I went with him. He is angry with me but he left me and a week later I was sent a divorce letter through him. I feel like a door mat because up until a week and a half ago I kept asking him if he was really sure he wanted this divorce. He adamantly replied yes each time. I just wanted to what I could to help him, us. I feel he is in a lot of pain and turmoil but he does not want to let me in. If I told him this he would most probably get angry and lock me out even more. How can you walk forward in life when you lock yourself up and others. He never let anyone in and this deeply hurts me to know.
His voice and texts are full of fury towards me. I have had to distance myself from them and remind myself that I always wanted to talk, just communicate but he never did.
Yesterday I tried to keep busy all day and in evening to exhaust myself so I could go to bed early bed. Sometimes in the day when I had a free second to think about all the recent shocks and the future for my baby and me, my eyes welled up many times and I just had to look down so nobody could see.
My heart feels heavy today.

I asked him for £40 for window cleaner and his angry reply was, as I was living in the house I should pay all the bills. I replied that how could I as I had not recieved much from him. He said nothing. I feel he is having a breakdown but I have for my own sanity, distanced myself from him and his nonsense.
I really want this divorce over as quickly as possible but I feel that is wishful thinking as He is digging his heels in as he wants me and baby to have nothing or a few crumbs.
I cried on fri from 4pm to 1am Sat morning. At times like this you can really see who your real friends are and the ones that could not care less what you're going through but even so I am only getting through this from the kindness of others and I am grateful for this.
Has anyone gone through something similar and if so have you ever been able to fully trust anyone again? I feel this has caused me some deep trust damage.

Sorry to hear you are still having a hard time

Have you got a solicitor? Try Women's Aid for advice if he is planning on not paying maintenance. Also are you seeing a counsellor? Not just for your own sake but you could end up having a very expensive time of you get bogged down in stuff at the solicitors which would be better dealt with by the councellor.

Have solicitor and counsellor. H tries his best to give me his usual snipes and emotional bullying at any given chance. As I don't want to see him H does it via texts or phone calls. I am going to talk to lawyers so that I have no contact with him at all. H says he told his father who is 100 times worse than him and surprise surprise does not seem to care about his son's behaviour. The whole family is weird.
His sister 5 years ago began bullying me and this is after I spoilt her by giving her a dolce and gabbana coat, expensive face creams. She was jealous and at the time she was having an affair with a married man at her work place whose wife was expecting twins. She hated me and then she left the house as H finally after 9 months told her to. He only told me H had told her to leave 3 months after she left. She put dirt and soil in my cupboards and drawers after leaving. I found out 3 months ago that H younger brother 11years ago got girlfriend pregnant, few days before wedding girlfriend found wedding invitationd in boot of car. H I remember a month before he ran off joked with me that when he moved his new wife into his house that I could live in the shed. I said that was a bit of an extreme thing to say. H also said that his father plays mind games with people including his children. He did this to me and 2 years ago at Christmas in their family home in Ireland I burst into tears as his father asked me repeated rude and disturbing questions about my deceased father. My H was also playing games with me of not talking or coming near me and when they opened their xmas presents he did not even look at me or say happy xmas and his sister would just glare at me.
I feel stupid that I let this man in my life and I tried to do my best for his family, cooking , cleaning, giving nice gifts to them but they incl him did not care. His sis has strong issues with other women coming into her family and hated that i got on with everyone. The house in Ireland was a state but I did not mind as I went there thinking this would be my new family but instead they did not care and were exremely unpleasant and on top of this i had to deal with his games of silence and distance.

Sorry about my grammer/ spelling mistakes. When I look back at how awful my experiences were my heart races and I fall over myself in typing and trying to get it all out.
I just want ask anyone if you think I am over reacting, last week a "freind" made rather cold comments to me but this her usual way of talking always a bit catty and she thrives on other peoples gossip. I was reluctant in telling her what happened as I knew she would not be much support which is the case. I would not care less about her comments but at present I have lot to process. Should I stay away from her at this time. I just want to be around supportive, understanding people right now.
Can anyone give me any advice on how to handle her. I certainly do not want to tell her what is going on in my divorce as I know that she only interested in what how much money is invlovrd and this makes me feel unsettled, I feel even more down after sharing with her and then her being rude/thoughtless in her replies. On Fri she was so dismissive and I was in tears that it triggered of a sadness ans dissapointment in humanity in me that I cried from fri 4pm to 1am Sat morning. I must say I called another freind and she was so lovely and kind and made me feel really clam again.

You really need to stay away from people like your so called friend, H and his dysfunctional family - they can suck the life out of you. Detach yourself from them - do not answer their calls, texts etc, tell them to send you an email or go through the solicitor before hanging up. If necessary change your phone number.

Be strong and stop being a pushover.

I think you need to do things like will help your self esteem - is your counsellor helping with this?

Yes you're right in me keeping away from toxic people/situations. I have started doing nice things again for myself and some people noticed a real positivity in me this week.
This will take time but I do feel that I am on a healthier path in life.
I am not a rude or impolite person but I did make a hundred excuses at why H and family were the way they were.
Counsellor so far has been taking me through footsteps of last few weeks and where I am now but I would like to mention your point to counsellor of me doing things now that I truly like and what make me happy and to recognise and walk away from toxic people quickly and not to make excuses for them.

That's great re you doing nice things and starting on a healthier path in life...keep going x

That's great re you doing nice things and starting on a healthier path in life...keep going x

Hey Biyaboo

I hope your doing okay. I really do think of you daily and hope everything is okay with you.

I'm sorry about your weird friend who wants to know about the money. To be honest though, maybe she is just curious to know if she should advise you to fight for more? I know it's the American way (I'm American). It's no secret that in the states, when a woman finds out about her husbands indiscretions she is advised: 'don't get even, get everything.' Ultimately though, your financial matters are your own and if someone wants too many weird details let them know they are being crass.

Also, the more you say about your ex and his family, the more I wonder why you ever dated him or tried so hard with his family? A relationship is never supposed to be this challenging. A family is supposed to be inclusive and supportive--it's good that you are out of this horrible trap now. Your baby deserves better.

You can think whatever you want about men you see, but remember they aren't all assholes. Next time, (when your heart has been healed and you are free from whatever anchors that lead you to your ex) make sure to love yourself first before you let anyone else in. Your still young, you shouldn't give up hope on love.

xx

Thank you eandz. I really wanted to try my best with my relationship from very start with H. Yes, no relationship should be so hard with the actual person or their family and I have a learnt some serious lessons that I hope will tune my radar in the future . I now just want to focus on baby, I can feel a flutter of movement as I am typing right now and that gives me a reminder of good things to come.

:) I think you're doing well! I know this time is tough, but when baby comes everything will be much happier, even if a little bit more frantic. You are going to be such a good mummy. xx

I was on my way home today on bus and bumped into a lovely lady who runs a local cafe with her husband and she noticed my bump. She asked if H was excited and I just did want to lie and put a brave face on for somrthing that is not my fault. I told her what H had done. She was shocked and said that she had asked him recently if I was pregnant and he had said no and seemed all quiet. I did not care that I told her, H has behaved appallingly and is still trying to bully me. I am angry that when I tell a new person that I am pregnant I have the joy of that moment, then comes an immediate flip side of the current situation I am in. I will never forgive him for this, even if he dies before me I will never forgive him. It gives me some peace to think that he is ill but I can't go further than thinking that.
I am really looking forward to the baby coming and just wish I could keep H and his weird sick family away from us.

Feel upset this whole week. I have paid £5000 to lawyers and all H is giving me is £12.50 a week and that is not even for baby. He hid our £6000 worth of wedding vouchers from me and is saying he is kindly going to give me half but half belong to me anyway. He is refusing to pay any of my legal fees for a divorce that he wants.
My close freind is going to Australia for xmas as a ticket was sent to my friend from daughter overseas 2 months ago. I am upset that I will be all alone at xmas and can't travel too far as around 6 and half weeks pregnant.

Dear mickle macklematernity, could I take you up on your offer and come and meet you one lunchtime. Best time would be any time on this Mon. Thanks

biyboo - just found your message. Hopefully by now you will have a beautiful baby! But I am in the same situation as you - H left me 2 days after I told him I was pregnant. No rhyme or reason. I'm also in central London, can we meet up?xx

Just came across this. I hope ur in a much better time in ur life OP.

Zombie thread. That Ava keeps reinstating old threads. I think she's bored.