bidley how are you and what are you doing? Have you managed to grab any sleep at all? I am concerned for you. I understand the shock and disbelief as do many of those who have posted. If you are shaking and cold, it's shock and trauma. Your body will be producing tons of adrenalin to keep you going. The body is an amazing instrument and though you say you want to give up and die, it will be fighting its hardest to keep you alive.
You can't wait a whole week to tell the hospital what's happened, you need to let people know right now - and yes, friends have busy lives but they want to help.
I rang the Samaritans quite a few times when I was desperate. Just a calming, listening voice helped.
I agree with others, that you must try to sort out a few things financially. Do you have a bank account in your sole name? If not open one. If you do, transfer any savings or other money into it in case your selfish H tries to take money out. Ring Islington council tax office at once and set up 25% discount as single person household. Are you entitled to any tax credits at all? Check all your accounts to see if your H has taken any money out. How are standing orders for elec/gas and mortgage/rent paid?
You need to see a solicitor - you can get a free half hour with lots of them.
Eat bananas and drink lots of water. Get some bachs rescue remedy. Go and see your GP and HV immediately.
Your H is his own problem now. He is not yours and he is certainly not your lovely baby's. Focus on yourself. If he rings or texts either don't reply or have a set phrase to say: "You will be hearing from my solicitor" or "..and you are?".
Go and see a solicitor - ring round a few locally and see which ones do a free half hour then take them all up on it.
Doing these things is not only necessary but it will also help you feel back in some sort of control of what is happening to you.
Can you contact H's family in Ireland and tell them what has happened? How is your relationship with your in-laws? Some are great, others surprisingly appalling. My in-laws blanked me and our son completely from day one. But then, that's how they came to produce such a cruel and wankerish son (my exH) so it makes sense.
The new little life you have so longed for is going to be the light of your life, so loved and so all-consuming. You will never have known love like it. And he or she will grow up knowing what a strong and fabulous mother he has. I know it feels impossible now, but you can come through this. My husband disappeared when my ds was 6 months old, taking all our savings and leaving me hideously in debt. He hopped on a plane to Thailand. The trauma was hell, but I stumbled through it somehow - we have to because we have a baby to nurture and nourish.
I have written a long post to try and help you see or feel that there is help out here for you.
Do not enter into the head games your husband is playing with you ''....we can see my family in Ireland but as separate people?" wtf? He sounds a bloody nut-case as well as a shit of the highest order. Who the f* does he think he is?
Finally, get some Bill Bailey DVDs and watch them. Keep posting lovely. I kept my thread going for yonks as I so badly needed help and MNtters were so fantastic - like the family I don't have!