Husband has left me while am 5 months pregnant with first child.

[bidleyboo]

I am devasted. On sun 23 Oct i came home at 2pm to find that husband of 2 yrs had taken all his belongings and left home. I had panic attack called ambulance went to hospital. He never came but said he cared for me and baby but wants seperation and most probable divorce. He had stopped talking to me properly for 6 months, says no other person involved. I have no family/ siblings and totally isolated. Have lost 5 pounds weight in since 23 Oct and frightened that I will not make it. He wants to be at scans and birth. I am detroyed.

CBT during pregnacy*

And my health risks weren't particularly serious other than being suicidal, having palpitations and raised blood pressure. I didn't have PTSD or flashbacks which must have been awful for you. Doctor clearly didn't have a clue.
xxx

it was yrs ago and blanket policy re pregnant women with PTSD could not be treated until after birth...I think? risk of increasing the risk of sucide at first when starting treatment and that means two lives at risk I guess?

I went private in end when ds 18 months old and had hypnotherapy and NLP which stopped the flash backs which helped reduce some of the anxiety ...thankfully they have not returned only twice when my life was threatened (part of my job) but they disappeared within days again.

Samaritans which OP suggested also a great idea...I spent many an hour early in the morning sobbing down the phone...they were fab! Bi grab what you can when you can and that includes sleep...your dc is growing when you sleep and get as much rest as possible.

It was so nice for you to join to tell Bi about your experience as it does help knowing that you are not alone...as it can feel this way at the time. Just so glad Bi has found MN as you mums are fab at giving support and fantastic ideas re eating/what to do re ex etc...do you have a faith Bi...would going to church help? Their may be people their that can help?

seriouschanger can I ask what your job is? i suppose thats understandable that the suicide risk increases, but i thought the increased risk of suicide was only in adolescents, maybe its the same in PTSD. I certainly wish I had been on mumsnet when I went through my experience, lots and lots of people to talk to and help when it's needed. :) Bidleyboo please fill us in on how you are asap xxx

My OH did the same to me when I was was 7 months pregnant. I managed to find out his brothers email password and found lots of pictures of him and the OW.
I could not believe it, we had been together for years. I was one of the silly mares who thought that "he would never cheat" I gathered up what little self respect I had and walked away. But I was not prepared for the nasty backlash from him. He said he hoped the baby died or that we both got cancer.
I did get very sick with pre eclampsia (even then he txt me in hospital asking if I was with another man! Even though I'd never even looked at anyone else!)

So I do urge you do look after yourself and your baby. You both deserve the best life has to give.

Sucks - ! What a nasty bastard!! I hope he is well out of your and your child's life - what a fucker!

I was working alone with person with PD...the previous worker forgot to hand over that they too were threatened in person's home ...this was after ds was born btw and I had NLP..they went after 5 days thankfully.
I am guessing that was the reason Alim but told the PTSD team didn't work with pregnant women....but the anti D's increased risk of wanting to commit suicide is high in first few weeks of taking most ADs and I guess GP didn't want to put me at risk when due in that time? I just told I had to wait as in last trimester 7 months when I eventually had strength to approach GP.

Yes Bi please let us know how you are?

Thanks Thzumba! He is 7000 miles away now (not bloody far enough IMO!)

I am in Windsor,Berks Op. Also can be on hand to help x

I am probably not placed to be able to help as am in Australia (unless the OP is also out here) but it does make me more useful if you are awake in the wee sma' hours of the morning and in need of a listening ear on here. Hope you are ok, Biyboo.

oh sucks they turn into demons when they backlash your ex v nasty and twisted thankfully your ex otherside of the world...mine is overseas too but not far enough as comes back easily to attack(until cctv stopped the t@at)....that is why worried about Bi. These men that we thought we knew and loved turn into monsters overnight....if one thing it helps us to fall out of love with them faster by their nasty behavior.
That's a good idea Thzum as 4am can be lonely on MN.

What a bastard. What a seriously selfish, self absorbed bastard. I won't call him a man. I'll call him an it.

O.P. believe me, anyone who waits until you are 5 months pregnant to drop a bombshell like that on you is not worth one tear, or any words from your lips.

You are worth more than that. No one should be treated like this.

Of course you feel like the bottom of your world has fallen from under your feet and you will feel numb, depressed and shocked, I have been where you are and it takes lots of time, but believe me you will emerge stronger.

Do not give 'it' any time. At all. Give it the cold treatment, only talk when strictly necessary and then leave it brief. DO NOT beg him to come back, ask for answers, or show how upset you are. Resist any of those temptations.

Believe me 'it' will start to reassess when you act like you couldn't care less if 'it' died tomorrow.

Also, do not start thinking about what you might have done wrong. Your self esteem has taken a serious bashing and the voices in your head will start putting you down. You did nothing worng and there was nothing you could have done to prevent 'it' taking the course of action 'it' has.

Pamper yourself everyday, and lean on others who are willing to give support.

Thinking of you.

Women's aid - call them now please!

Then get yourself to your GP.

You are the most vulnerable you will EVER be right now and need nurturing and protecting from this man. Nobody who honestly gives a shit about their own flesh and blood treats the mother of their child this way.

He KNOWS he's being cruel, and putting the child at risk and he just doesn't care. He's an adult - stealing the pregnancy books etc was an act of sheer spite on his part as was banning you from his work place.

If he runs true to form for a barsteward over the next few months he'll totally reinevent your mutual history to any fellow aquainatnces putting himself in the role of victim to smother his guilt. Women's aid will help you sort out any financial practicalities - you need to asap as he cannot be trusted.

You have the right to be very angry with him, once the shock passes. Whether he has another woman or not is irrelevant - by leaving you in this state and being emotionally abusive to boot he is putting YOUR CHILD at risk. Anyone who puts their own child at risk is beneath contempt and is owed NOTHING. No contact, no converstation - it's not selfish, it's self (and baby) preservation.

Put an intermediary in place such as a solicitor for any contact while you heal yourself from the damage he's done please.

I went to doctor today and told all. She was not my regular doc as she is ill. I will try and see regular doctor next week. The doctor today said there was not nuch she could do. I also told local priest and he thinks I should just ignore him. He has put me and future child at risk. I just did not think he would be so evil to go like this. This will scar and affect me probably for rest of my life.

I would completely ignore him! He has no regard for you and your child. What a LOSER.

I hope you've read all the stories on here, so many, so many MNers who have been in your shoes and look at them now, biy! They bounced back and so will you. :)

Am sitting next to hot radiator but my jaw, hands and torso are shaking non stop. What has this man done to me. I just ate a banana but i feel full and sick. I really hope he does not get on to this website. He uses computer a lot.
Thank you every body you are all helping. I would love to reach out and meet some of you but do not know how to do that through MN.

He won't! But if he does, he can read this from me:

You're a top class wanker, you know. You don't deserve her or this child. If you were any sort of man, you'd leave them both alone so they can find someone better (and you're probably a cheating scumbag as well).

:o

Why would he be looking? It doesn't sound as if he has a great deal of interest or concern about you, if he has behaved this despicably.

I'm sorry to say this, but I too think that you should prepare yourself for the fact that there is another woman on the scene. Of course he will deny it until the cows come home, but it is a staggeringly common scenario.

I hope he is reading this. He will see a unanimous vote on MN that he is a wanker of the highest degree. He is utterly vile and you are well shot of him.

He has forfeited all rights to play a part in ths pregnancy. Hold your head high and make alternative arrangements for a birthing partner, Give the repect that he has given you straight back to him and text him of his DC's arrival when you feel fit.

He is NOT a man -he is a coward who does not have the balls even to tell his DW that he is leaving--he just disappears.

Words fail me ...

biyboo - I have no words to add, but I'm thinking of you. You can message any posters here to talk privately, or to talk about meeting up with anyone (see the 'message poster' link in the blue bars with the posters name?)

I'm in Oxfordshire by the way, close to the Warwickshire/Northamptonshire border.

Please see another GP and ask for counselling - I had depression for years, some GPs just don't get it.

I think I'm quite close to you op, Edmonton, north London. Pm me if you like, happy to talk.

OP, please listen to all these wise and generous posters. There is a vast amount of support that you can access both here and from various agencies. I would second calling the Samaritans every time you feel alone. If you want to be physically near to someone most Samaritan agencies have an open door policy where you can go and speak to someone face to face.

Like other posters have said you need to sort out the practicalities to protect yourself and your child from him. Especially financially. If you don't know where to start, CAB would be a good place.

Please look after yourself, you need to keep your strength up and you deserve to be looked after properly.

Another Londoner - you are more than welcome to pm me any time you like.

When I was in your shoes I found the single Mums over on what is now parentslounge a very supportive group - to the point where I ended up with a couple of life long friends.

Oddly you'll find the sheer joy of a smile from your baby first thing on a Sunday morning heals all the little holes in your soul this man has left. I'm not for a minute gonna pretend you have an easy road ahead of you but a child's love can't be replicated in any other way. I've said it before but one day in years to come you will wake up and feel pity for the man who chose not to experience the wonder that is a child's inconditional love.

I am also not working at the moment and won't be on maternity pay either.He knew all this. I think now that he only married me as he knew both my parents had passed away a long time ago and that I had no family. I had just saved up for a whole year and bought him some nice cufflinks for his xmas present and they can't be returned but putting that aside I am dreading and worried about xmas on my own as when my parents died I had some xmas's on my own and they were just so depressing and pulled me right down. I feel so tired, I rebuilt my life over 10 years and this sick, sick man has ripped out my nerves within a few moments and filled me with fear and more suffering for now and future. How will I trust again, he has ruined my sense of trust for any type or level of relationship. He really has damadged me deeply.

I know from a long time ago that nobody can fix you but I thought I had a friend, a companion on my side but instead it was a monster. I am so stupid. I always told him he could talk to me about anything and that I was his friend, how weak and naive I was. My chest is getting tight and I forget to breathe and then I take big gulps of air. I feel ruined. He had the nerve to say that I would feel better in a few days.

Oh biyboo :( I can only echo what other posters have said. What a vile excuse of a creature he is. Please do not answer his calls/ respond to him/ give him any room in your life. Every interaction has just rubbed salt in the wound. You need to get advice, and fast.

CAB
Check which benefits you are entitled to
Samaritans 08457 90 90 90

Contact any and all of your friends for support. Message MNers who are local (sadly I am nowhere near London).

Just concentrate on yourself. Look after yourself as best you can. Think about your immediate needs and nobody else's. I also agree you should change your number asap, do everything you can to protect yourself from him. When you are feeling stronger, and the anger starts to hit you, use that anger to be productive and start making changes, but for now, just concentrate on looking after yourself mentally and physically.

Sending you a very unmumsnetty hug. Hope some RL friends can rally round and give you some support.