DH & drink driving (again)

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I recently reported DH to the police regarding his drink driving, but nothing happened. He hasn't been stopped & continues to drink & drive.

Yesterday, he wanted to take DS out for lunch. I said they should get a taxi if he was going to drink. I know if he goes out for lunch it will involve lots of alcohol. DH told me to mind my own business, I was being a control freak.

In the end he went alone, DS stayed at home.

I'm obviously not getting through & need to find a way to talk to DH so that he will listen. How do I do this?

You leave him

That's how you make him listen

I thought it may come to this, after your last thread

Are you prepared to do this ?

Nothing more to say

Did you phone the Police while you knew he was on the road and drunk?

I think the only way of getting though to him will be being caught by the Police or, heaven forbid, becoming involved in an accident that is caused by his drink driving.

He sounds utterly selfish

In fact AF has it spot on!

If you're not prepared to make it a deal breaker, all you can do is ensure that he doesn't get to drive ds anywhere at anytime while you wait for the inevitable to happen.

Depending on where you live, come the festive season the police will have more patrols on the roads and you may not have to wait too long.

Personally, I'd be upping his life and critical injury insurances having made sure the policies contain no penalty clauses for driving under the influence of alcohol.

I can't leave him, AF.

There is too much going on at the moment.

MrsC - no, I didn't call while he was on the road. I phoned local police station to explain the situation & gave his details.

As for life insurance, izzy - he doesn't have ANY, or a will come to think of it.

The police can only do anything if they catch him. You need to phone them when he is on the road.

Well done for making sure DS sayed at home.

DH can call you what he likes, you have the moral high ground by making sure your kids are safe-keep strong on that one.

if you cannot leave right now then start a running/getting away fund, keep small amounts back from your housekeeping, start looking into alternatives re accomodation & financial support.

Do you have any family locally who can/will help?

Next time he leaves under the influence or drives to lunch where you know he'll drink, ring the police straight away.

For now, I need to be able to cope with the situation as it is.

We are married - in sickness & health & all that. Alcoholism is an illness. I knew he drank heavily when we married, but I didn't realise to what extent or his dependency on alcohol. He has told me he doesn't have to drink, he does it because he likes it, he enjoys drinking.

Bully for him, does he love his children?

So how will you cope financially if anything untoward happens to him?

Look. Alcoholics have got to want to help themselves. You can't matyr your life or your kids life to the in sickness vow.

All the time you enable it. He will carry on, he has got to want to change. He dosent, so this is your life.

Not sure what you want people to say?

I have nothing more to say to you

That 'in sickness and in health' rubbish is the worst thing that can possibly be invoked when one partner in a marriage is an alcoholic. Don't kid yourself with that one.

Sure, alcoholism is a horrible disease, but it's not like cancer. Rather, it's like a mental illness. He can take responsibility for managing it, but he's not. He's being selfish and doing whatever the hell he likes at the expense of your child's safety.

You don't have to put up with that shit just because you said some vows that he's now not sticking to anyway.

I say this as someone whose mum died of alcoholism after battling it for 25-odd years. My dad would never leave her because of 'his marriage vows', which is all very admirable, but it meant that my brother and I were stuck having to deal wwith the horror of alcoholism for as long as we lived at home.

I really wish my dad had said 'fuck this' and left my mum. It would have made my childhood a lot less harrowing and it might have been the kick up the arse that my mum needed to sort it out.

As it was, the whole time my dad stayed, he was just mitigating the consequences of her actions and enabling her. Which is what you're doing now with your DH.

Again, as the child of an alcoholic, I can only say the best thing you can do for your children is LEAVE. Now.

In fact I will go so far as to say, OP, that if you don't leave your alcoholic husband you will be making your children's lives shit.

I really, really wouldn't wish what I've still got going on in my head now thanks to my mum, on anyone.

You'll be separated soon enough when he gets put in prison!!!

Find some backbone and get the hell out! can you live with the consequences when someone gets hurt?

Do you want me to describe what happens to the human body when it's mangled in a mix of glass and metal?I gave seen it, many times when I was a police officer. I was also once with a colleague when we had to go to someone's house to break the news.

If you could just call me next time your dh is drink driving I'll know to keep my children in the house, y'know, just like you do with your ds.

He is an alcoholic, by not leaving him you are enabling him to continue being an alcoholic, this will mean your children grow up in chaos, his life, potentially the children and strangers who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, lives are also at risk when he drink drives. He is clearly nowhere near accepting he has a problem and doing anything about it, there is nothing you can do to change this unless you leave him. I have a lot of experience with alcoholism. Sorry if this sounds blunt but it's a bleak situation.

Kind folks, all this and more was said on OP's last thread

She enables an alcoholic to drive on a road near you, knowing he is under the influence

She would rather save her relationship than give him the one true sign that he has to deal with this

Save your typing, everyone

Go find someone that is willing to do something about an intolerable situation

I don't believe you called the police, OP

I believe you are looking for any crumbs of sympathy that will allow you to put your relationship above the safety of every road and pavement user in the UK

He will either hit innocent pedestrians... Or on oncoming vehicle. It's inevitable

You can't 'love' him out of this, OP.

I know AF, I read the other thread

This makes me so bloody angry!

An alcoholic my arse! He's a murderer waiting to happen.

Well lets see how op feels, when he is jailed for killing someone else's family members.

I hope she can live with herself. Don't blame the police op, they will go out and catch them. So I don't believe you are.

I reported my twattish exh alcoholic. They waited for him at his destination and arrested him.

need to find a way to talk to DH so that he will listen

You have already said he won't listen....alcoholics won't.

He has told me he doesn't have to drink, he does it because he likes it, he enjoys drinking.

ALL alcoholics say that, but never try it. If he says he doesn't have to ask him not to for the sake of your children for one month.

If he refuses (as I strongly suspect he will )then he clearly loves booze more than you or the DC's.

Ask yourself where the better is in this "for better or worse/sickness & health" scenario?

Izzy- honestly, I don't know. I have life insurance, so if anything happens to me the DCs will be ok. DH just laughs when I ask about 'what if', he says he isn't planning on dying. Who is???

I want to know if anyone can advise how I cope with it short term.

madonna - I'm also the child of an alcoholic. My birth mum was an alcoholic, she died of breast cancer. My teenage sister was her carer after she developed secondary cancer (brain tumour).

So, you think by staying I am enabling? but, I can't leave.

Why can't you leave?