DH & drink driving (again)

[abbdabb]

I recently reported DH to the police regarding his drink driving, but nothing happened. He hasn't been stopped & continues to drink & drive.

Yesterday, he wanted to take DS out for lunch. I said they should get a taxi if he was going to drink. I know if he goes out for lunch it will involve lots of alcohol. DH told me to mind my own business, I was being a control freak.

In the end he went alone, DS stayed at home.

I'm obviously not getting through & need to find a way to talk to DH so that he will listen. How do I do this?

When he gets in the car drunk you phone the police say Ive just seen a drunk man get in car registration number blah going down blah road.

They live separately.

You are almost split up anyway

So what on earth are you doing continuing with this relationship if you've gone as far as to have separate houses?? Cut the remaining, redundant ties and tell him you look forward to seeing him again when he's sorted himself out and got off the drink.

AF - I did call the police. I gave details of his car, reg no, where he lives & the roads he would be driving along, approx time.

So you love in separate houses anyway?

Why are you clinging on to this horrendous situation when the hardest bit has already been done?

live in separate houses.

do it every single time he gets in the car.

Sorry you had to go through that Madonna, I wish your Dad had left with you too. It must have been terrible for you to witnesss all of that.

Someone very close to me has just been killed in a car crash. Not a drunk driver but someone speeding. It has devastated so many people's lives. There is just so much pain, anger and sadness. The girl who was killed was 17 years old, a beautiful, intelligent wonderful girl. She was killed because of some cretin wanted to show off in a car and so many people will never get over it.
PLEASE OP if you are for real, do something about this situation.

We have always lived in seperate houses.

Is he the childrens father ?

You have separate houses, he's a drunk who drives,, he insults you, and wants to take your children out in the car when he's rat-arsed.

Ok. Call me old fashioned, but that isn't a marriage to aspire to, is it? Why on earth are you with this man? His redeeming features would be....??

Well then it's simple

Never allow the DC to get in a car with him and KEEP ringing the police every single time you know he is in a car whilst drunk.

QuickLook it's just awful awful awful.

I used to have recurring nightmares about my mum killing someone.

Luckily (?!) she only ever used to drive 1 minute down the road to the local shop and back to pick up her vodka and cigarettes . She never went anywhere else in the car because deep down she knew she was massively taking the piss.

But even so, that was too fucking risky. She even got a 12 month ban for ramming into a parked car outside the shop while shitfaced, but she STILL drove even during the ban. I know people will blame me and my dad and brother for not doing more to stop her, but it really was just the most exhausting, debilitating battle to stop her getting in that car. Because her not being able to drive = her not being able to get booze, so she would pull out all the stops to make sure she could get it. Her craving was animalistic. And walking to the shop was out of the question since her health was so bad and she was so weak.

The rows about the car could last hours. And when you're trying to get to school or college, or see your friends, we just didn't have the time. So we used to give in.

God, OP, just writing this down is bringing it all back. How old are your DCs? You need to get them far, far away from this situation now. I have had so much counselling and stuff because of my mum but I don't think I'll ever get over it or feel 'normal'.

AF, he is dad to the 2 youngest DCs.

They will have enough loss to cope with over the next few months. My (adoptive) mum has breast cancer, from the sound of her symptoms I think maybe secondary also, my brother has cancer (but very good prognosis).

I'm trying to hold it all together. I know if I divorce he will drink more. he will be taking the children out more.

If she puts an end to this marriage, she will have NO say in how he spends the weekends with their kids during contact. It might be worse. Unless she puts up an almighty fight regards visitation, etc.

The way it is now, her children live with her, and he visits, and they dont have to experience his alcoholism full time.

Ops only concern is on the occasions he wants to drive with the kids.

OP, do you have a driving license? Why dont you do the driving?

In any event, Abbdabb, you need to grow a back bone.

So, what you going to do op?

What's the plan?

OP have you looked into how much contact he'd have if you did split up?

Surely no court would let him have unsupervised custody if he's an alcoholic.*

*Not an expert.

So op what are you looking for. Conformation, you are saving him from himself and that its better all round if you stay.

madonna-i can completly sympathise.i dont think you do realise just how bad it was until your older and have your own family.for me,i assumed everyones daddys were like mineit was normal.
my dad isnt drinking now and weve had really good chats about his and my feelings.its heartbreaking but fantastic at the same time.

abbdabb-he might well drink more if you leave but get a good solicitor and he wont be taking the children out more.do you really want this how your dc?

You don't need to divorce right now

You tell him you are seperated, relationship-wise as well as geographically

You do not have anything to do with him

You do not sleep with him, nor cook for him, nor spend any time with him

You do not allow him to take your dc anywhere

If he threatens to physically manhandle them away, you call the police

When he turns up after drinking, in the car, you call the police

If he threatens to take you to court for access, you say go ahead and that you will disclose his drink driving to your GP, health visitor, social worker, his employers and the police

when he loses his temper, you call the police

you tell his family and your family he is a drink driver and you are no longer enabling it

shame him, shame, shame him...tell the world, stop absorbing his shame for him

I am sorry about the illness in your family, but that is no excuse

in fact, it is all the more reason that you remove your dc's from danger, fo good

I suspect I am going to regret engaging with you again, however

OP, you seem to think you are trapped in cicumstances

you are not

no one here would agree you are

you are as trapped as you allow yourself to be

hurrah to anyfucker!!!

Quint, her only concern should not be just the occasions he wants to drive with HER kids. I don't want MY kids or anyone else's kids killed by this knobend being on the road. She needs to phone the police every time he is on the road having had a drink, and if he is not stopped and tested, she needs to make a complaint so that he IS stopped.

Stay in your house, refuse to let him drive the DC's anywhere, stick to you guns.

I'm sorry you're having such a shit time with the family as well , but really the situation with your H is not going to get any better.

Just stand firm, don't let him in the house if he's been drinking.

There are support counsellors for relatives of alcoholics
Here

get some support that isn't family & put yourself & the DC's first