DH & drink driving (again)

[abbdabb]

I recently reported DH to the police regarding his drink driving, but nothing happened. He hasn't been stopped & continues to drink & drive.

Yesterday, he wanted to take DS out for lunch. I said they should get a taxi if he was going to drink. I know if he goes out for lunch it will involve lots of alcohol. DH told me to mind my own business, I was being a control freak.

In the end he went alone, DS stayed at home.

I'm obviously not getting through & need to find a way to talk to DH so that he will listen. How do I do this?

Thanks BH!

Have come to end of thread without reading all.

You need to report dh when he is on the road, with car reg details in full, and ideally a route he is taking.

Parsley she has. We're trying to encourage her to keep doing it.

I saw she had reported him, but at that stage he wasn't driving.....I'm just hitting and running really, off to deal with own Arse husband...will come back and read properly at a later point.

Jane..where was I (since you were very pointedly asking) ?

I went away for the weekend from Weds, just back this evening...that ok by you ?

I am confused by the fact that this man was picked up and breathalysed after drinking a bottle of wine, and found to be under the limit

I am more confused by the fact, however, that this man is still welcomed into the family home, for a family meal, where alcohol is obviously free-flowing, even though OP knew full well he would drive home

I expect the children witnessed all this, of course

OP, if you are not dependent on this man, and you denounce his actions so strongly...why don't you just dump his criminal ass ?

that is most confounding, IMO

I wasn't pointedly asking where you were, AF, just 'everyone' as it was really quiet. I commented on that because I felt embarrassed as the OP had come back and suddenly hardly anyone was responding to her.

I have no opinion on your activities outside of MN and hope you had a nice time away.

Anyway, I'm glad you are back. I wasn't sure if I could make any helpful contributions at this stage and I'm sure everyone else will do.

Everyone else including you of course! Sorry, not very clear as I am trying to sort out a biscuit incident between ds1 and 2

Jane, you sound absolutely lovely

but I took the "where is everyone now OP is back ?" to backhandedly mean "where are the chickenshit posters who were telling her in no uncertain terms that her lifechoices are crap, but won't say it to her face girlfriend "

< makes zigzag sign with fingers in girlfriend stylee >

I have repeatedly addressed the OP directly, when she is actively posting and when she isn't, she never answers just what exactly she gets out of a relationship with an arrogant criminal who puts her dc's lives at risk

I had a nice long weekend in the countryside thanks (trusting to God me nor my dc's had the misfortune to be in the path of a drink driver)...it seems my trust may be somewhat misplaced however, when people constantly make excuses for the ones who do it, and the ones complicit in it

No. Initially I was trying to say, look OP I;m sorry everyone's gone. And I think some were using the thread as an excuse to attack an easy target. Not you. Just some of us. And there she was, real and sticking up for herself and it went silent. I felt bad about it. I was being pointed I suppose, but then catsmother had a go at me so I was being sarky when I said and where is everyone?

anyway. sorted I hope and I wasn't thinking about you at any point. I felt we resolved our respective thinking earlier on in the thread.

I think so too, Jane

you shouldn't feel bad though

really

your bad feelings are misplaced, or should I say, been projected onto you

OP has none, it would appear

there are people on this thread I really, really respect who are trying to be the OP's advocate here

I can see why

I am normally a very strong advocate for women

but this woman is hosting family dinners at her home for a drink-driving asshole, and makes no coherent excuses for it (because there are none)

I cannot advocate for that

call me harsh, I am prepared (but not happy) to be so

it would seem so, ITTD

It's SO difficult when we don't know the full situation & it's SUCH an emotive subject.

I agree with you APF & I think everyone on here has a valid point, we're all frustrated with what the situation as we see it but it may be totally different to Abdabb & what seems easy to us isn't to her.

I hold my hand up to being one of the harshest posters, I'm sorry if it upset the OP but I couldn't see we were getting through to her.

I hope Abdabb comes back so we can support her in moving this arse out of her life.

I have to say this:

It just doesn't ring true to me that he would be picked up after drinking an entire bottle of wine and not fail the test? I'm sorry but that's just not possible is it?

OP I don't know what you want from people on this thread? Most of us would die to protect our children and our loved ones so you were never going to get a lot of sympathy for enabling (and make no mistake that is exactly what you're doing) an alcoholic. But worse, an alcoholic with a very real potential to kill someone.

It doesn't come across to me that you want help, I think APF but it best when she said this was a confession and you can go back to making the odd phonecall and absolving yourself.

But you see, a phone call here and there to the police is not doing the trick here so you really need to take action, be the parent that your children deserve and remove this poison from their lives! There's no reason in the world to stay in this. None!

the power of the confessional, eh ?

OP has nothing to say to that

as well as much of the rest of the responses...so no surprises there

I can't cope with this any more. I am leaving him.

Ok, but how can you "leave" if you don't live together. Can you not just lock him out?

How can you 'leave' him when you're living in separate houses? Do you mean that you intend to stop all contact with him and/or that you're going to divorce him?

I'm divorcing him. He's just trashed the house & gone 'home'.

Oh good. I take it this means you won't be letting him back in your house?

Hope he didn't hurt you or DC.