DH & drink driving (again)

[abbdabb]

I recently reported DH to the police regarding his drink driving, but nothing happened. He hasn't been stopped & continues to drink & drive.

Yesterday, he wanted to take DS out for lunch. I said they should get a taxi if he was going to drink. I know if he goes out for lunch it will involve lots of alcohol. DH told me to mind my own business, I was being a control freak.

In the end he went alone, DS stayed at home.

I'm obviously not getting through & need to find a way to talk to DH so that he will listen. How do I do this?

No amount of money would make me stay in a situation like this. And I cannot conceive of any reason good enough to make you stay.

There is no relationship here to speak of anyway.

He won't get custody if you split. That's bollocks. Why don't you go and see a solicitor and arm yourself with some facts so that he can't bullshit you any more?

You're so passive in all of this. It's like you're a caged bird, and the cage door is wide open yet you're too frightened to fly so you just sit there.

No, they have always lived apart. But why?

Op, are you afraid if he's caught/loses job, that you will be left with no income? Is that it?

has he relatives you can confide in?

work colleagues?

spill the beans,
tell all

Why do you live seperately yet consider yourself man & wife

Why do you come here seeking advice yet ignore it?

Why do you refuse to condemn your "husband"

Why do you refuse to see your children MAY DIE because of him?

Why do you refuse to see others MAY DIE because of you refusing to act?

OP - why you're so as madonnawhore says.

Where is your fury at his behaviour? There's plenty of fury here from other posters, but we can't do anything about it. You can.

There is only one thing I want to know now, if we are still thinking this is real

where is his dental practice

Do you have means to support yourself? Find a job?

sorry, missed a word - so passive

We have always lived in seperate houses. I gave up my career when we had our first DS to be a SAHM.

Sorry for too many uses of REFUSE!!

Yes, give a few more details OP and perhaps a MNetter will happily phone the police on your behalf...........Where does he work?

He has told you that he drinks because he enjoys it, and his actions certainly match his words. Out of the two people in your relationship, only one of you wants him to stop. He doesn't want to stop drinking.

abbdabb, the simple truth is that you cannot talk an alcoholic into sobriety. How do I know this? Because if that were possible there wouldn't be any alcoholics left.

As long as you cling to the twin delusions that you are somehow able to control his drinking ("if I left he'd drink more") on the one hand and that it is within your power to get him to stop on the other, you are going to remain in this impossible situation. And all the time you remain stuck like this your life is on hold in this sick sham of a relationship and your children are continuing to be exposed to the incredibly damaging influence of parental alcoholism.

How bad will it have to get before you realise that his alcoholism is not something you have any influence over? Because sooner or later it will get that bad. And then it will get worse.

Alcoholics stop drinking when so much shit has hit the fan that it is no longer possible to drink enough to continue ignoring it. Or they die an alcoholic's death. Whichever comes first.

Have you got hold of a copy of "Codependent No More" yet? I really do think you need to.

slarty, I cannot confide in anyone.

Why not?

Op does he have something on you that makes you afraid to leave or to end things? Was just the way he was telling tales on your life together to your mum on your other thread.

If that is the case, take his power away, deal with these things before he can hold them over you. It doesn't have to be this way.

YOU don't sort this, then when he kills someone, (which he will.) Then you make sure you go down to the police station with him as an accomplice - because that is what you are.

Keep your kids safe by all means, but would you mind not letting a loaded weapon out in the hands of an idiot please. For the rest of us if not yourself.

You think this is a nightmare situation, let me tell you this now, if any of my loved ones where hurt or killed by someone drink driving and I found out that their partner KNEW they where doing this and didn't do enough to stop it, I would make that persons life as hellish as mine would be.

People will know you know. Everyone will be talking about it behind your back already. You may as well face it and stop trying to hide the fact he has a serious problem.

You don't want to confide in anyone

You want to get this off your chest anonymously, so you can feel a bit better

Has this thread, and the others, made you feel a bit better ?

I mean, you have "confessed" haven't you ?

A load shared, is a load halved, right ?

I feel sick I was part of that

abbdabb if you in anyway think reporting this will reflect badly on you it is NOTHING compared to how you will feel if your DC's or someone else is killed or maimed by this man.

Bossy, the only conclusion I can see is that she doesn't care

You realise we have all been used don't you ?

She has confessed her sins

She is absolved of them now

fuck that

AF I am coming to the same conclusion, I wish I could show her the children I have tried to resucitate in A&E as a result of RTA's.

she wouldn't care, bossy

The best thing we could all do is simply hide the thread, and cut off her supply

really

it's pointless

I said that at the beginning of this thread and I really wish I had done it

I feel dirty

Trouble is abbdabb quite often drunks get away without a scratch, they don't are so relaxed they don't brace like sober drivers or passengers instinctively do, & ironically it can save them.

Try telling that to a parent in the waiting room.