I really need some honest advice please.

[uknowme]

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uknowme, i unfortunately have no "advice" but i do hope things get better soon......how old is your son?

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i have no experience of violence but i have seen my sis go through alot of it, i would say don't blame yourself, god i am a total BITCH at times but if dp hit me i'd certainly think it was his problem.............i think, but i've not been there, how are you now?

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what about your parents.............actually as i typed that i thought "no" as i know that would be it for them! I really feel for you but don't know what to say to help you! I do think it's worrying though as i could push my dp to the limit and i know he's never do that........don't know how to help but wish i could

uknowme, i must go to bed as i'm knackered! but am worried about you now..........are you o.k?

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Have you spoken to him about that night?

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how many kids do you have then?

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i'm sure he's thought about it, it would not be normal for him not to have if this was an unusual event, can't you talk to him when you have some time alone and are both calm? Is your other baba a little one then?

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ok, the only reason i was asking( apart from sheer curiosity) is that my dd is 2.6 and i have totally gone off sex since she was born.......well conceived really but my dp would never resort to violence and it seems so wierd for someone who you've been with for years to.........what kind of "agenda" do you mean?

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i just don't know what to say but it's so difficult to get a claer picture of it! (and i understand that you can't say too much). I have never been physicaly abused so don't know what i'd do but i understood from your first post when you said "please don't say leave"that it's not so clear cut as that. All i can say is, i think you SHOULD bring it up when all is nice and calm and you should talk about what happened so he does not think it's something he'll get away with!

have to go to bed now but will talk to you again tomorrow i hope Night night+++++++++++++++++++

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uknowme, sorry to hear - this sounds really awful. I'm also really surprised, given what you've said, that he hasn't at a minimum apologized. Was he drinking? You don't mention it. I think you should have a serious talk with him and should seek counseling. Seems you are not attracted to him any more, and that's a problem, and his possible tendency to violence (and yes, abuse) is obviously also a problem. Good luck to you. You really need to talk with your dh if you want this to work without further violence.

uknowme, I am so sorry to read what you are going through. Please, please don't blame yourself in any way. This is utterly down to your husband. Don't leave it either. You cannot and should not live in fear. I would suggest seeing your GP, contacting women's aid, anything but get some advice and support. There is no shame on your part. Somehow you do have to be able to speak to your husband about this. Can't write more now but thinking of you, take care Winniex

uknowme, I'm sorry to hear this. Honest advice? You need to talk to him about this, you really do and you need an apology and you need to be very sure that it's not going to happen again. It is NOT acceptable to hit you, no matter what. I don't know if you agree with me on this - do you? Or do you think in some way you 'deserved' it? Because let me tell you, you didn't, absolutely not. I do know that it's maybe not as simple as telling you to leave but he hit you. You were bruised and hurt. He is in the wrong and you are not so you don't have to leave your house - if anyone's going to leave it should be him. Of course you want to keep your family together but you need to let him know that this is totally unacceptable behaviour and you won't tolerate it. It's very common to feel guilty but I agree with Winnie, please don't and please don't leave it. Womens Aid are here and they may be able to help. I really hope you manage to talk to him about it and stop it happening again - let us know how you get on.

Uknowme, just wanted to second what www said, what he did is just not acceptable and it was not your fault in any way. Thinking of you, let us know how things go. And remember you'll get support on mumsnet whatever you decide.

WWW is right uknowme, you are not at fault, you should not have to put up with it.

It amazes me why any man gets the chance to do this more than once as surely if he can do it once he can do it again and that must be a terrifying thought to have to live with.

He is at fault, the minimum you should expect is an appology and an explanation. Personally if I did something that stupid I'd expect to be out of the door in very swift order.

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