uknowme, I'm not sure this will help but maybe you should ask yourself what you will do next time your husband wants sex and you don't. If it is to give in because you are afraid of the consequences then you know that he has succeeded in putting fear into you and sadly that is a huge thing to deal with. He will have a lot to do to regain your trust. It is interesting that you'd forgotten that he'd punched you before and you'd never talked about it. The first time my daughters father laid a finger on me he kicked me down a flight of stairs, I was pregnant at the time, we never talked about that. There was a conspiracy of silence by both of us. The silence meant that we could both pretend that life was fine, the abuse that followed was ignored and life went on 'normally' in between each incident. Normal was however far from normal because I lived knowing that at some point I would be on the receiving end of his foot or fist. The point being that I really think your confronting your husband and talking about it with him is a courageous first step. No one can pretend it has not happened. I hope you do get to relate and good luck, it is very easy to say 'I would leave if someone laid a finger on me' but in reality it is so much more complicated. I did leave eventually largely because I did not want my daughter growing up in such an abusive environment, my self esteem was such that I could not have left for me. I probably believed I deserved it. Why would someone considered such a 'nice' guy treat me in such a way otherwise. I "obviously" provoked it. besides his abuse included mental abuse that constantly told me I was worthless and pathetic. If told it often enough one believes one can't cope without them despite the abuse. It was only once I'd got away from him and started telling people what had happened that I really saw how bad it had been, weirdly it had become normal as in habitual. I started to gain my sense of self and my daughter and I quickly moved on to a wonderful violence free life. He tried to intimidate me a couple of years ago having reappeared, briefly, in my daughters life and it was interesting. He expected the my response to be that of the old me. It felt fantastic not to be intimidated and afraid of him. Anyway, I am rambling... take care, thinking of you xxxx