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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I really need some honest advice please.

395 replies

uknowme · 27/10/2003 01:19

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Loobie · 20/11/2003 14:11

UKM I'm so sorry to hear that things didn't go the way you hoped, you really were holding out for counselling to helpHope thing get better either way.

SueW · 20/11/2003 14:19

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

Twinkie · 20/11/2003 15:05

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sykes · 20/11/2003 15:10

Any meet up is fine by me and unknowme is welcome to stay whenever she wants to with/without children. Hope to hear from her. Unknowme, my e-mail at work is working - home around 6:45 this evening.

uknowme · 20/11/2003 16:24

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sykes · 20/11/2003 16:26

You are a brilliant mum. Don't forget if you want to catch up any time I'm around and will be all w/end.

uknowme · 20/11/2003 16:33

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sykes · 20/11/2003 16:34

Marvellous. Give me a call/send an e-mail to work/home.

uknowme · 20/11/2003 17:42

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doormat · 20/11/2003 18:10

uknowme glad to see you and sykes are doing another meet- she will cheer you up.
as for the relate I would still carry on even though it was awful as things might get better
BUT
at the same time why not contact a local zero tolerance centre or womans refuge and ask for some self-confidence, self awareness and/or other courses for yourself, just to give you a boost and make you feel a litle better AND stronger.
HTH
just take care and big hugs coming to you
xxx

uknowme · 20/11/2003 18:20

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uknowme · 20/11/2003 23:42

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mammya · 21/11/2003 00:16

Uknowme, sorry it didn't go as you hoped. HOpe you're OK and that you can find a way to be happy again.

sykes · 21/11/2003 09:25

How are you today? I'm at work until about 5:25 and then home, trains permitting, by just before 7. Let me know what you fancy doing. In-laws are descending on me for lunch on Sunday - good God. But I can cancel/reorganise things so let me know what would be good. Sorry you feel so crap.

Clarinet60 · 21/11/2003 12:37

uknowme, my friend went to relate and spent the first session crying. I think it's quite normal. After that it got better and better as they both began to do the work and the thinking.
I think the first session is usually a consolidation of issues and is bound to be nasty.
Please don't give up and we're thinking about you.
Haven't posted to you recently 'cos haven't known what to say (!), but I've still been thinking about you.
xxxx

uknowme · 21/11/2003 16:14

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maomao · 21/11/2003 16:15

Glad to hear that you're feeling better today, UKM!

sykes · 21/11/2003 16:51

Sorry, can't find your tel no and my e-mail is now down at work so you can't send it. Hope to hear from you tonight at home - call me - probably best option ....

sykes · 21/11/2003 20:20

Hi, ukm, I'm around - did send an e-mail and have just called, hope you're okay and hope to see you this w/end.

uknowme · 22/11/2003 02:18

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Girly · 22/11/2003 08:05

Your absolutley right uknowme, get some legal advice and contact Womens Aid and some of the other recommendations further down the thread. I am sure they will help you and give advice on what the next steps are. I would not tell h anything at the mo, play your cards close to your chest, try and get your finances organised if poss and tell your family.

I know this advice may seem easier said than done, but you will feel better once you start taking control, even if it is behind the scenes.

Please you must do what is right for you and your children, am so upset for you this must be the hardest thing to cope with.

Keep posting, we will all support you for as long as you need.

Beetroot · 22/11/2003 08:09

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aloha · 22/11/2003 08:40

Well done! I do think you are doing the right thing. I would enlist help from your friends, your family and take some legal advice. It is important that you stay in the house and he leaves, not the other way round, esp for your ds. You will need a good support network. I think it is important that you should tell him when you have someone with you who can protect/support you as it likely to make your husband more aggressive. Ideally it will be someone who can stay with you, but I would try to see a solicitor asap on this issue. If you can face it, it might be good to keep the counselling appointment though as it may help you negotiate the divorce/arrangements for your ds in a better way

Batters · 22/11/2003 18:33

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nannyjayne · 22/11/2003 18:41

Hi I have been in you situation my h locked me in the car once. I started saving money and looking for somewhere to live. He had a ski-ing trip booked and I decided to go away with my mum. It happened that I went away 2 weeks befor him so we had a month apart He realised how much he neede me and loved me so when he got back we talked and started to work things through our marriage is100% strong now he knows that if ever he did it again that woild be it. He knows that violence does not work. Have you thought about councilling I have never regretted trying again