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Original poster

advice needed desperately regarding social services

881 replies

wannabestressfree · 28/09/2011 21:10

I am desperate for some advice and wondered if anyone could help......

I have three sons. 14,10 and 7. My oldest is aspergers and ADHD, self harms daily and has had two stays in mental hospitals. On sunday he attacked me with a knife in front of my middle son. He didn't hurt me but obviously it was very scarey. He then absconded {he does this a lot} and eventually the police took him to hospital.

A house officer phoned me in the morning and said he would be requiring inpatient treatment but he is medicating at the moment [he is on a childrens ward} and so they have reversed the decision and say he is fit to return home. He self harms daily and his special education school has told social services they are refusing to have him back. I work full time as a teacher.

I told social services I wouldn't have him in the house......... this is after years of asking for help and they have phoned today and said they will give me respite for a week by placing him in foster care in our old home town. I cannot believe they would do this as this is where he absconds too and drinks and was basically told 'tough'......... no other foster carers would take him due to his mental condition. The social worker insisted I tell my school they were dealing with us {head was super supportive} and said they would be looking at the other children. I am so upset as I just want some help.

He will stop taking his medication when he comes home, attack the other children and roams in and out of the house. We are all exhausted.

So advice please............ do I take him back tomorrow or allow him into foster care that I know is not the right place. I honestly feel like they are emotionally blackmailing me..................

OP posts:
Selks · 10/10/2011 20:30

Have been reading this thread with interest and with great sympathy. Has you son been given a diagnosis of psychosis now? Is that what's been building up with him?

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 10/10/2011 20:51

He is still in the 28 day assessment period at the moment. It has been discussed that he may have psychosis before but I am not sure what the ramifications of that diagnosis will be for him. He is certainly being treated with anti- psychotics at the moment.

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Maryz · 10/10/2011 23:37

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Original poster
wannabestressfree · 11/10/2011 13:01

Just had phone call from hospital. He is refusing medication again and is being extremely disruptive. I can't help but feel a little bit pleased, generally he would be behaving to get home by now and I think the fact he knows he isn't coming home for a while means we are seeing the 'real' ds1.

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Maryz · 11/10/2011 13:26

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Original poster
wannabestressfree · 11/10/2011 13:55

When I saw him saturday he was agreeing it worked. I honestly think he gives it a few days, feels ok then stops again. The hospital have said he is complaining the voices in his head are bad and he is disrupting group sessions but he is not helping himself. It probably sounds cruel but I feel I need to keep my distnance a bit and let him deal with it with their help.

Maryz I feel for you as ds1 has also tried that as was told in no uncertain terms last time that he was in hospital that people with autism should NOT drink or smoke as they would have a detrimental effect on his mental health.

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Maryz · 11/10/2011 14:02

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Original poster
wannabestressfree · 11/10/2011 14:24

I will pm you later Maryz. I think he must be willing for a period of time which I am relieved about and will then and only then be moved to open hospital. If he has a problem in there he goes back up to medium security.

I hasten to add although he is only 14 he smokes and is going cold turkey so I imagine he is vile at the moment.

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Maryz · 11/10/2011 15:10

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Original poster
wannabestressfree · 11/10/2011 19:31

It does make me feel better as I feel like a bad parent. Ds has smoked since that age too. I have just spoken to him on the phone and he is asking for a visit but I know its because he wants to leave for a fag. I can tell by his voice........ and the fact he got aggressive when I said I couldn't.

His nurse told me they are considering changing the section he is there on to a doctor held one. His medication has been doubled but he is non complient {sorry for spelling tired}

To top it all I had a call from social services today {they left a message} to say they want to visit....... I imagine to discuss what happens next

OP posts:
Selks · 11/10/2011 20:29

Oh, let us know how the social services visit goes.

I too am 'glad' that the hospital is getting to see all sides of him. He clearly needs a long stay this time and full assessment and care planning.

Stay resolute with social services - don't let them guilt trip you into agreeing with anything that you're not comfortable with.

Selks · 11/10/2011 20:31

And by the way you sound far from being a bad parent. You sound like an excellent parent who has a son with a number of difficulties and who is not well.

whatever117 · 11/10/2011 20:31

I feel so sorry for you. Can you get some kind of advocate or lawyer or parent representative just to help you make sense of everything?

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 11/10/2011 20:39

I have spoken to mind who can provide help/ advocate when the time comes that he is deemed fit to leave.

Just waiting for ds' designated nurse to ring. Ds is convinced he has a full diagnosis of psychosis now which scares me to be honest. I am not convinced he has any intention or wants to stick to a med schedule. He is on larazopine?, an anti depressant, two lots of anti anxiety medications and his sleeping tablet {seroqil}. Feel quite low tonight, thank god I only have three days of school left before two weeks off.

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Original poster
wannabestressfree · 11/10/2011 22:12

Have spoken to nurse and he is in quite a bad way. His auditory hallucinations are so strong he is having one - to- one nursing and they had to move his room. All leave, visitation etc has been suspended and psychiatrist will be calling me tomorrow. My poor son. I have never felt so far away. I know he is safe though thank god. Wish I could give him a hug

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Maryz · 11/10/2011 23:13

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whatever117 · 12/10/2011 00:50

You know - sometimes a DC is just too much too cope with.

My eldest Sister is just too much and my parents had to section her. She was a danger mostly to herself, but also to me, my other sister and them.

My parents are nearly 80 now.

Having watched them go through this for 30 years I would say protect yourselves and your other kids and don't apologise.

Harsh, but I think that.

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 12/10/2011 21:12

Social services came this afternoon for a chat and let me know when the meetings are for Ds' care. There is a LAC review in a fortnight and a 'what happens next' meeting in three and a half's week time. They seem to think no plan is possible until the hospital have an idea of whats wrong and what the diagnosis is. It makes sense.

They chatted to the other children, looked around their rooms and told me they had no problems with them and wouldn't be opening a file. I am pleased but feel totally battered at the moment by life. Drowning is a good way to describe it....One day is just blending into another

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Maryz · 12/10/2011 22:07

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Original poster
wannabestressfree · 12/10/2011 22:31

Thanks Maryz that's really sound advice. I was considering doing something with them as we don't get to do it normally. Thanks xx

OP posts:
lisad123 · 12/10/2011 22:54

Sending you loads of hugs, munsnetty or otherwise Grin
You sound like your doing your best for all of them. Ds is safe and cared for where he is, which right now you can't do as a parent but they can as professionals. Sometimes thebest thing can do for our kids is stop trying to manage it ourselves and let someone else do it, but excepting is so hard. Then when we do, we don't get it Hmm

The doctors and nurses there will whip SS butt into place, nothing sw hates more is a doctor vs sw fight!
Keep holding on in there x

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 13/10/2011 11:51

Hospital have rung and his section has been altered to doctor held one for his own safety. Major problems with him apparently will come back on later. Thank you everyone for your support x

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Maryz · 13/10/2011 12:04

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Selks · 13/10/2011 21:33

Reading and thinking of you and your family. x

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 13/10/2011 21:43

I cannot stress how much the support on here has been a real crutch for me. I have found actually talking to anyone in real life so difficult as i am so emotionally exhausted. Thank god its the last day of school tomorrow for two weeks. I have two meetings and his PCT meeting is on the 9th of November when I may have a diagnosis and a plan from the hospital. Then its decision time. The hospital is a five hour round trip but due to him threatening another member of staff with a knife he is on lock down anyway at the moment. He is on a doctor held section now. A 5.2 I think its called. Its a minefield. So thank you all xx

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