advice needed desperately regarding social services

[wannabestressfree]

I am desperate for some advice and wondered if anyone could help......

I have three sons. 14,10 and 7. My oldest is aspergers and ADHD, self harms daily and has had two stays in mental hospitals. On sunday he attacked me with a knife in front of my middle son. He didn't hurt me but obviously it was very scarey. He then absconded {he does this a lot} and eventually the police took him to hospital.

A house officer phoned me in the morning and said he would be requiring inpatient treatment but he is medicating at the moment [he is on a childrens ward} and so they have reversed the decision and say he is fit to return home. He self harms daily and his special education school has told social services they are refusing to have him back. I work full time as a teacher.

I told social services I wouldn't have him in the house......... this is after years of asking for help and they have phoned today and said they will give me respite for a week by placing him in foster care in our old home town. I cannot believe they would do this as this is where he absconds too and drinks and was basically told 'tough'......... no other foster carers would take him due to his mental condition. The social worker insisted I tell my school they were dealing with us {head was super supportive} and said they would be looking at the other children. I am so upset as I just want some help.

He will stop taking his medication when he comes home, attack the other children and roams in and out of the house. We are all exhausted.

So advice please............ do I take him back tomorrow or allow him into foster care that I know is not the right place. I honestly feel like they are emotionally blackmailing me..................

Am debating starting a new thread as this is quite long now......... oh to think of the name lol

Thinking of you and yours x

What I feel so sad about is that he should be here, studying for his gcse's, going to school, meeting friends, just being 14. Instead he is in a locked down room in a boiler suit with just a mattress. I feel like I am grieving for him. And if he is given a diagnosis of schizophrenia then how will he manage and how can I support him. Very low tonight

Thanks Maryz you have pretty much echoed how I am feeling. It wasn't unhelpful it helped a lot x

Maryz no one should think you can detach because he is adopted. He is your child.I don't think anyone can understand just what an enormous strain and drain everything is on your life. The constant worrying is exhausting.
The nurse phoned today to say he was demanding to leave and has said he will kill himself within 24 hours. She said he is psychotic at the moment and that he is now on a new 28 day doctor signed section. She was just saying I had the right to appeal but obviously I won't be.
I can't even bring myself to ring him as I know he is going to beg to come home. I feel, as hard as it sounds, he needs to be left to get on with it and get better.....

wannabe, Maryz, I can only express immense sympathy for what you are going through, and great admiration for your strength and clarity.

I will be thinking of you both x

Just wanted to say that your son is ill now....but that's just now. I know schizophrenia (if that is what it is) is different for everyone, but a good friend of mine had two episodes of psychosis in his late teens. He stabilised on medication for a few years then gradually came off medication altogether (with agreement of psychiatrist). He has not had another episode since and leads a happy and productive life - he is married and works, and is hoping to start a family. He was discharged from mental health services and has good mental health. So there is hope.....we can't tell how the future will be. It's natural to grieve and worry, and of course you feel so sad for your poor son for what he is going through, but please try to keep in mind that things might be a lot better in the future.

Thank you both and Selks its amazing what a semi decent nights sleep can do. I feel much more positive on his behalf. I was so exhausted I couldn't think or see straight. Onwards and upwards

That's great to hear. I hope you have a good day.

How are things going now?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have no experience of this, so cannot help at all, but am sending un-mumsnetty hugs.

I just wanted to give an update. I am so glad that ds is where he is. The plan is to treat him for psychotic depression. If this remains under control they will discuss the next move. We had a meeting tuesday with doctor, social services and education and at no point did anyone mention him coming home. I honestly think he will remain there for a few months {they have discussed upping his section to a 3} and then they have discussed residential or a secure unit. He has to have a forensic examination to see how or if he can function in the community and some psychological tests.

In spite of being in a secure unit he remains on arms length nursing and is able to superficially self harm and make attempts on his life. It is so worrying. In his current state all section 17 leave from hospital is suspended and i generally manage 10 minutes a night on the phone with him.

I continue to thank everyone for their support. I have a meeting again on the ninth of November and am going up to see him sunday. Am wracking my brains for things to take him {they are very strict} was thinking maybe some art supplies? Or cds or ipod? Any suggestions would be appreciated

Thank you for popping in with the update. I have been thinking about you and wondering how your DS is doing. It sounds like his illness is being taken seriously at last, thank heavens, and people have finally realised how unwell he is, and how impossible it is for you to manage at home. He sounds like he's receiving a high level of specialist care, although I hear what you're saying about the 'arms length' care meaning that he can still self harm, how worrying and horrible for you.
Re what to take him, it's hard to know what to suggest without knowing what might be allowed or not. Art stuff could be good, if that is something that he likes....maybe some oil pastels, which as far as I can make out wouldn't pose a self harm risk. Other things .....magazines or books? Ipod definitely if he likes his music.....is he allowed video games? Does he have a playstation or similar that you could take in? Some edible goodies - chocolate, pringles, pop etc?

If you are too busy to keep posting on here I quite understand, but if you would like to keep going on here I would too, and will pop in regularly to check on updates.
Best wishes to all.

Hello all just wanted to give another update...
Had CPA today and DS's section was upped to a section three so that he could have ongoing treatment. He remains extremely volatile with episodes of self harming, violence and trying to abscond. He spends roughly four days out of seven in special care. Regardless of this he seemed happier today and secure in the fact he wasn't being discharged. The consultant has recommended that when he is fit to leave he goes to a aspergers boarding school and has asked the social worker at the hospital to organise this. I have been looking on the internet this evening.......

Can anyone tell me the difference or why some are 38 and some 52 week placements? Is this to allow time at home? Am a bit confused. Also has anyone got any experience of these schools like Cambien group or the Priory?

Just wanted to send you a huge hug. My god, what you are going through. I will keep you and your son in my thoughts. I'm so glad at least that he is finally somewhere that people can, hopefully, get him on the road to some sort of recovery. I think you are being amazingly brave.

He needs a 52 week placament. This deosnt mean he cant coem home in the weekends or holidays, if things improve. But if you only get a 38 week placement the school will expect him to be at home the other 14 weeks a year. In theory they could arrange foster or respite care but in pratice it never happens.

Im so so sorry to read about what you and your children have gone through.

Thanks for the update Wannabe. Glad to hear that your son was seeming a bit happier today. Maybe this is an indication of a little positive progress. Good to hear what the consultant has recommended too - how do you feel about that?
Best wishes to you all. x

Hi Wannabe
Sorry not to have been back recently - this thread fell off my watched list.

I would agree with KristinaM that a 52 week placement may be the best bet. All this means is that the school does not close for school holidays. Some students there will return home for holidays and end up haveing 38 week placements, but others may not.
Your ds will be able to come home for holidays, weekends etc if you would like him to, but there will be no running around trying to find alternative provision if you feel that this is not appropriate.

In my experience though, LA's (and this would likely be joint funded by Education, Health and SSD) are not keen on 52 week placements and you will need the continuing support of the consultant and other professionals to indicate why such a placement is appropriate.
You son's SEN Statement will need to be updated to reflect the service provision he now needs, and, once you have found a school that you are happy with, name this school on his Statement.

I say once 'you' have found a school that you are happy with, as although it is not your responsibility to do this, I would say that giving the LA options that you like, is better than leaving it all to them. Take their advice by all means, but if you have a strong preference for a particular school then you need to tell them this.

Perhaps post on the SN board regarding advice about specific schools and go and visit any that seem to fit the bill.
I would also suggest that you make sure that any school with an Aspergers specialism is not put off by very challenging behaviour and mental health problems - the last thing you want is for your ds to be excluded because they can not manage his behaviour.

I really feel for you, and think that your son is very lucky to have such a caring and committed mother; I think many would have found all this just to painful to face day after day.

I also wanted to say to Maryz - I have often admired your posts and the support you offer others - now I do even more.

Thank you everyone for such lovely and caring posts. I cannot over emphasise how much it has meant and also how much the info posters have given me has assisted.

I found the experience incredibly upsetting and pretty much crashed and burnt on thursday. I think the realisation of it all hit me quite badly and I was sent home from work. I was expecting what they said but it doesn't make it easier and I miss him terribly. Am going up again saturday for an hour and can't wait. I know its the best place for him at the moment but sometimes it all gets a bit much.

Consultant did seem to think that though they are going to recommend a forensic assessment she didn't think it would turn up anything too sinister. She thinks the aspergers coupled with poor mental health is the issue

I'm pleased you have had time and strength to update.

I hope you find a good school that will give both of you the time and help you need.

Wannabe, maybe it's only now that he's in a safe (as far as is possible) place that you're emotions have hit you full force...only natural. It doesn't make the painful feelings and grief any easier though, knowing that (Hugs)
Is he still attempting to self harm, of is he more stable now? How's his psychosis responding to the medication?
How are your other children at the moment with it all?

Maryz, wishing you well with your son also. x