advice needed desperately regarding social services

[wannabestressfree]

I am desperate for some advice and wondered if anyone could help......

I have three sons. 14,10 and 7. My oldest is aspergers and ADHD, self harms daily and has had two stays in mental hospitals. On sunday he attacked me with a knife in front of my middle son. He didn't hurt me but obviously it was very scarey. He then absconded {he does this a lot} and eventually the police took him to hospital.

A house officer phoned me in the morning and said he would be requiring inpatient treatment but he is medicating at the moment [he is on a childrens ward} and so they have reversed the decision and say he is fit to return home. He self harms daily and his special education school has told social services they are refusing to have him back. I work full time as a teacher.

I told social services I wouldn't have him in the house......... this is after years of asking for help and they have phoned today and said they will give me respite for a week by placing him in foster care in our old home town. I cannot believe they would do this as this is where he absconds too and drinks and was basically told 'tough'......... no other foster carers would take him due to his mental condition. The social worker insisted I tell my school they were dealing with us {head was super supportive} and said they would be looking at the other children. I am so upset as I just want some help.

He will stop taking his medication when he comes home, attack the other children and roams in and out of the house. We are all exhausted.

So advice please............ do I take him back tomorrow or allow him into foster care that I know is not the right place. I honestly feel like they are emotionally blackmailing me..................

[Marne]

i don't know what else to say other than 'you have done the right thing' .

Will ss let you know how he is? if he has settled?

[SeenButNotHeard]

Have you had a Placement Planning Meeting yet? Have you had an opportunity to meet with, or at least talk with the foster carers on the phone?

Please do feel free to PM me if you have private questions that you need some support with and, as Maryz has said, hold on to the fact that you really have done the right thing and for the right reasons.

[radiohelen]

Do not despair lady. He is with people who are good at dealing with self harmers, he is taking some medication, you have some kind of peace in your house. You love him and you are doing the best thing for him. What maryz said.
Write him a letter explaining it all. Put it in a box somewhere for some point in the future when he starts getting all narky and you can get it out to show him. Write more if they help.

[LottieJenkins]

Hi wannabestressfree....... Hoping that you are having a good weekend and that things are going ok?!?

[PeachyWhoCannotType]

Hiya, sorry I didn't post again- bit of a chaotic one.

Love, you are doing exactly what you need to be a good parent to all your child: keeping each safe. What more could you do?

[wannabestressfree]

Sorry I haven't been back on been an eventful weekend. Thought I would post to give the latest
Foster parents were lovely but sadly had not been given full facts or medication. As a result ds made a serious attempt on his life last night and has now been sectioned. He is on a childrens ward and awaiting a bed after an assessment.

I am so angry as placed him for his own sake and feel ss have seriously let him down. He had no meds for 48 hours and both myself and foster carer spent all of saturday trying to rectify it. I drove some over by the time he had gone missing from their care.

He has acute paranoia and psychosis. He is 14 years old. I just want to keep him safe.

I apologise if this sounds quite robotic but I feel exhausted

[PeachyWhoCannotType]

I'm sorry although I do think it's the best place for him; sadly you have to hit rock bottom before you get the support to get back up again

Please don't feel bad: from here he can be really and properly helped. You are a good mother and have remained on his side, that is all you can do.

[wannabestressfree]

Thanks Peachy am just wondering where he will go. We are back on the bed lottery. There is only one secure unit in Kent i think and the others are in London { Bethlem} etc

[chickchickchicken]

that is shocking. you have all been badly let down. when you feel up to it come back if you want some specific advice on what to do next with regard to ss and education.

i am glad, for your son's sake, that he is sectioned

so sorry, really am sad for you all

[Dawndonna]

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I know it's no consolation, but you are doing the right thing, for him and the rest of the family.
I hope this week brings a calmer and quieter week for all of you.

[PeachyWhoCannotType]

If you ask on the MH boards someone might know the MH system in Kent? I do know the Teen MH system does a lot of good work- when I studied years ago I was in accom next to a school attached to a MH secure unit that specialised in teens- eating disorders, children like your son etc. They were exceptional.

[wannabestressfree]

I know in a round about way its the best thing. The assessment team from CAHMS were very nice when I spoke to them and said they were taking everything seriously. I am just trying to stay on an even keel for the sake of my other ds'.

Maryz that is exactly my concern. He is suicidal and why place him without disclosing the full facts and without medication. I will be discussing it with ss tomorrow. Also no one from ss rung to tell me! I rang his foster placement to find out what sort of night he had and she told me what had happened. He wasn't even assessed until five this evening. I just feel they have really let him down..........

[wannabestressfree]

He has been moved to intensive care unit in Surrey. Thanks everyone for their support

[radiohelen]

God I'm so angry for you. In the words of my DH (I've just ranted at him at length): "They have been a bit shit really haven't they. Someone has seriously let him down."
Stay strong. We both hope he sees some improvement in hospital and SS get their act together.
Sleep works.

[wannabestressfree]

When I spoke to CAHMS earlier I said I had been asking a long time for help. I really feel the system has pushed him to crisis point. I am more secure in the knowledge he is safe but he has now gone under a section so all I can do is wait......... from another county!

Maryz I share frustration with ss. I needed guidance as this situation is beyond my capabilities as a parent. I think it would be beyond most.

[youarekidding]

and that is just how I feel I cannot imagine how you feel - but I can tell you everyone of those feelings (except guilt) is justified.

You are his mum, they placed your son in 'care' for his own good and forgot to care for him.

I really really have no advice and I'm so desperatly sorry for that but didn't want you to think I'd disapperaed. I'm here if and when you need me. As I said mine experience/ knowledge is the educational side of LAC.

Try and rest. I do hope theres positive news for you tomorrow.

[wannabestressfree]

Thanks youarekidding........ do you know what happens with a section? No one tells you anything...... its so frustrating!!

[wannabestressfree]

I will update when I hear anything. And I truly thank everyone for their support. Am dreading work tomorrow but I think normality is probably best for the other two

[youarekidding]

Not really except what I've learnt from TV although we have had a pupil sectioned - but from home not school.

It is when someone is put under care for their own safety, it can be initially for 24 hours whilst assessment is carried out. They can then extend the section or offer voluntary psychiatric care.

Sending some very unMNy but probably needed (((hugs))) to you and your DC's.

[cory]

So sorry to hear this, wannabe. Your poor son and poor you! But at lest there is no way they can't take you seriously now.

If at a later stage you have the energy - a big if, I realise - you should make a forman complaint about the person who placed him with foster carers without information or medication, they were putting both him and them at risk and ought to be hung out.

As for section, this (from the Department for Work and Pensions website) seems to explain it:

"Compulsory admission to hospital can be achieved through sections 2, 3 and 4.

Section 2 allows compulsory admission for assessment or assessment followed by treatment. It can last up to 28 days. It is the most common way for people to be detained,
Section 3 allows compulsory admission for treatment. It can be for up to 6 months, and may be renewed for a further 6 months, and after that 12 monthly,
Section 4 allows admission in an emergency and lasts up to 72 hours. It can be converted to another section (usually section 2) if circumstances require.
After discharge from compulsory hospital admission (section 3) some people with severe mental illness will be on section117 aftercare. This means that the local authority and the social services are placed under a duty to provide the person with any aftercare services that the person is assessed as needing."

So basically compulsory medical treatment, unlike ordinary medical treatment which the patient (or his guardian on his behalf) is free to refuse.

[SeenButNotHeard]

Just caught up with your thread Wannabe and I have to say I am

It is not acceptable, on any level, that you were not informed immediately of what had happened to your ds.
Even if your son had been accommodated due to a CP concern or if the LA shared PR with you, I would still have expected the information to be passed on.

Please, once all of this has died down and you feel more able to, make a complaint. I would guess that as this has happened over the weekend the EDT were not fully aware of the circumstances, but informing next of kin is not exactly rocket science.

I hope that your son now has an appropriate place in hospital and is receiving the help that he clearly needs.
If I can offer any advice at this point, it would be this? make sure that everyone who needs to be there is at any planning meeting at the mid-way point in his section and pre-discharge.
At the mid-way point ask to see a copy of the LA?s discharge plans, particularly in terms of future accommodation options ? they will, no doubt push you to take your son home - if you agree to this, you need to know what support they are going to offer. If you feel that his returning home is still not the best option, stand firm and use this time to gather as much information, particularly from those treating your son now as you can.

Push for the completion of a Core Assessment now, if he does not have an up to date one ? insist that the LA can not possibly understand his care needs, or your family?s needs as a whole without one.