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Original poster

advice needed desperately regarding social services

881 replies

wannabestressfree · 28/09/2011 21:10

I am desperate for some advice and wondered if anyone could help......

I have three sons. 14,10 and 7. My oldest is aspergers and ADHD, self harms daily and has had two stays in mental hospitals. On sunday he attacked me with a knife in front of my middle son. He didn't hurt me but obviously it was very scarey. He then absconded {he does this a lot} and eventually the police took him to hospital.

A house officer phoned me in the morning and said he would be requiring inpatient treatment but he is medicating at the moment [he is on a childrens ward} and so they have reversed the decision and say he is fit to return home. He self harms daily and his special education school has told social services they are refusing to have him back. I work full time as a teacher.

I told social services I wouldn't have him in the house......... this is after years of asking for help and they have phoned today and said they will give me respite for a week by placing him in foster care in our old home town. I cannot believe they would do this as this is where he absconds too and drinks and was basically told 'tough'......... no other foster carers would take him due to his mental condition. The social worker insisted I tell my school they were dealing with us {head was super supportive} and said they would be looking at the other children. I am so upset as I just want some help.

He will stop taking his medication when he comes home, attack the other children and roams in and out of the house. We are all exhausted.

So advice please............ do I take him back tomorrow or allow him into foster care that I know is not the right place. I honestly feel like they are emotionally blackmailing me..................

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 11/12/2011 16:42

I agree, Memoo - I think he would feel much more secure in hospital than outside at the moment.

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 11/12/2011 18:01

I agree actually. I think it upsets me far more than DS. Have been today to see him and he was on really good form and seemed a lot happier and secure. He was telling me with his nurse the plans for christmas day - most have to stay in- he is being moved off acute wing on wednesday if he stays stable and in two weeks he can have a shave :} He is also using his 15 minutes outside tomorrow to go for a haircut. I am so relieved and he was much happier to be around the other ds. They played jenga and chatted and he was quite smiley. What a lovely day :}

He finds life in general quite scary and his auditory hallucinations are less acute and more 'good'. The voices are friendly now. I miss him terribly but I know the hospital is the best place for him. Thanks Memoo its nice to know he probably does feel happy. If you don't mind me asking do you still have problems now or did it completely subside?

Eatmedates I totally understand. I don't think it hurts to be prepared and from the responses I have had on here there are lots of people with AS children who have or are suffering similar problems. I fond CAHMS useful when he was younger.

OP posts:
Memoo · 11/12/2011 19:13

I'm glad you've had a good day Wannabe.

It has taken 2 years but I'm finally stable now. I still have to take medication every day and it took a long time to find the right combination of meds. When I'm anxious I do occasionally hear what sounds like whispering voices but I can cope with it now and they go away very quickly.

I'm not sure it will ever go away completely and it may be the same for your ds, but with the right support and medication I'm living a normal and happy life.

CinnabarRed · 11/12/2011 19:24

Memoo, what incredibly brave and uplifting posts from you. Thank you for posting Smile.

Memoo · 11/12/2011 20:12

Thanks cinnabar

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 11/12/2011 20:25

Yes thank you memoo its such a minefield and its nice to know there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's nice to hear perspectives and I feel like I may need to give him the space to get better. They have explained they think this will take some time...........

OP posts:
Earthymama · 11/12/2011 20:56

I am just sending some Bright Blessings your way. If I recommend something please feel free to ignore.
I have been a carer but not in any way comparable to your situation. I have found Mindfulness to be an invaluable support, please look it up on internet or FB.
I hope you have some fun with your children over Christmas and that your eldest DS finds some peace for his troubles.
Bless you x

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 12/12/2011 17:58

Spoke to new social worker today from children with disabilities team.....
a. why do they never read the file? She asked me repeatedly what was happening and what they wanted to happen to him after hospital.
b. she said although he had been in 48 placement he wasn't LAC as he is now on a section 3.
c. She said she doubted very much he fits the criteria for her team as his IQ is too high. So were does he get shoved to now?

Back to feel quite wobbly and stressed today. Thank god its the last few days of school as I feel nervy again................

OP posts:
Selks · 12/12/2011 20:46

Oh dear, that sounds like a very difficult meeting. Hopefully as the new SW gets familiar with your sons situation she will be more helpful. Sounds like nonsense about his high IQ meaning that he's not for the children with a disability team....many disabled children are high IQ after all. Remember that if you are not happy with what an individual social worker says you can take it higher - team manager, then senior manager etc.

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 12/12/2011 20:53

She said she would talk to her senior manager and ring me next week. Also spoke to hospital tonight again and they have u turned and said if he continues good behaviour he now CAN have a visit pre forensic assessment. Don't know if I am coming or going again..............
If I didn't have speaking and listening exams at school tomorrow I would stay home now until after christmas........ I have run out of head space

OP posts:
Selks · 12/12/2011 23:31

I would ask for written confirmation of what the criteria is for acceptance into the children with a disability team.
Hospital u-turning sounds a bit Hmm....surely what your DS needs is consistency of care and planning?
When do you break up for Christmas? Can you just focus on the last few days of school and not try to deal with much else, then rest / deal with stuff / more rest once you've broken up?
Other thing I was thinking of is do you have any support for carers in your area? There are often carers support services and they can be very useful and can act as an advocate for you / moral support / give advice etc.

scummymummy · 13/12/2011 00:06

Has he been referred to the CAMHS team? They should have an early intervention in psychosis branch and I suspect a team with expertise in mental health would be better placed to support him than a children with disabilities team from what you've said on this thread.

You have been such a brave, amazing rock through this. I so hope you and all your boys will have a peaceful Christmas break.

ImperialBlether · 18/12/2011 15:26

How's it going, OP? I hope he's feeling better now and that you are, too, of course.

NanaNina · 18/12/2011 17:33

It sounds as though the sw was new/inexperienced and made matters worse. The fact that she has to talk to her senior means that she is probably out of her depth with this case. If I were you I would speak to her senior yourself if the sw continues to sound muddled and muddle you in the process.

Was a sw for 30 years (now retired) though not in disabilities. Some sws are fresh out of college and like a lot of other jobs, you have to learn on the job. They often don't make time to read the file first, and I know they are overloaded with work, but reading the file (not word for word) but to get the gist of the case is essential. Ah how standards seem to have dropped.

Hope you manage to get things sorted.

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 19/12/2011 21:22

Hey sorry I haven't popped in for a while. My DS was assessed forensically thursday and is being moved up a level to a unit at a hospital tomorrow. Am devastated to be honest as he was due home for the day wednesday and I honestly can't see that happening now. This is a 10 bed unit for very serious psychiatric illnesses and those who pose a threat. He is understandably very distraught but the hospital he is in now feels it cannot do anything more for him.

I am really shocked at the lack of communication - I haven't been told this by a doctor. His nurse called me today to say he was moving at 11.00 tomorrow. They have informed him he could be there up to a year. I really feel for him today as he hates change. I can call tomorrow to find out new rules/ visiting/ etc but I am guessing a its more draconian the children won't be able to go and apparently he will be on 2/1 nursing to begin with. I just have a horrible feeling he will feel he has nothing to lose............

OP posts:
Original poster
wannabestressfree · 19/12/2011 21:23

Oh and my understanding school bloody docked my pay for having time off to deal with him. Would have been better just to go sick......... really hacked off........

OP posts:
roundcornsilkvirgin · 20/12/2011 12:01

I can't believe your school docked your pay.Sad

NanaNina · 20/12/2011 12:40

Feeling for you wannabe but I think that you just have to accept the MH services here, as they would not be moving your son without good reason. The main thing surely is that he gets well again, and if that takes a year, then so be it. You musn't worry about him feeling he has nothing to lose and understand what you are inferring, but he will be kept on very close watch. I have had 2 spells in a psych ward (both for 3 months) with 15 years apart, and some people did get transferred to the high dependency unit, as that was for coping with more serious psychiatric disorder.

With the ward I was on I have watched nurses following a patient everywhere if she/he was a suicide risk (I imagine, though obviously we didn't know this because of patient confidentiality) even sitting in the bedroom doorway at night while the patient is sleeping.

Sometimes patients refused to get up in the morning and then someone would sit in the doorway to esnure the patien't safety.

so very sorry you are going through this but you must hope that this journey will end in better mental health for your son.

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 20/12/2011 19:49

I feel a bit more positive today after speaking to the staff and then my DS. He is on 2/1 but they don't think that will last more than a few days and it is for the period he settles in. I am going up there friday afternoon with his presents and to meet the new staff.

I, of course, hope it will end in his better mental health. I just feel exhausted with worry sometimes, especially when I don't feel I know what exactly is going on. The new unit sounds good though and they have promised me lots of extra information friday. I know I sounded a bit me, me, me last night but we geared everything up for him coming home for the day and then they moved him very quickly with no explanation............I know they are trying to do their job but I just want the full picture so that I can do mine as his mum.

OP posts:
Selks · 20/12/2011 20:42

Of course you want to be kept informed - you're his mum. I hope he settles in there as quickly as can be expected. Glad to hear that it sounds like a good unit...hopefully he will feel positive about it soon.
Did the forensic assessment offer anything more in the way of diagnosis or further understanding of his psychiatric problems?

That's bad about your school. No wonder people end up going sick.

I hope you have a good day on Friday and I hope DS enjoys his presents Smile.

And if I'm not on this thread again before Christmas (things are getting busy at Selks Chateau) I'd like to wish you and your family a happy and relaxing Christmas xx

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 20/12/2011 20:56

I should find out more friday. They will assess him over the next few weeks. His reason for being moved was that they found a list of people he wanted to /intended to hurt so he is forensically a risk.

Thanks for messaging Selks and I hope your christmas isn't too hectic. I am sure everything will be fine and I will get to spend lots of time with him..........:}

OP posts:
roundcornsilkvirgin · 20/12/2011 23:01

have you finished work for xmas now wannabe? I hope you manage to find some time to rest - you must be exhausted.

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 21/12/2011 09:08

Yes am off for two weeks...........:}

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 18:44

I hope you have a peaceful Christmas, OP. It must be so distressing but at least he is being helped by experienced people.

I find it odd he writes these lists when they've got him in so much trouble before. Better that he does, of course, rather than just thinking it. What are his reasons for wanting to do away with those on the list? Have they caused him harm or is he having paranoid thoughts?

I hope you'll be reassured when you see him. I don't blame him for disliking change, but if he's there for a while, he will quickly become used to it.

Best wishes.

seenbutnotheard · 03/01/2012 13:14

I have been thinking of you and your family over the Christmas break - really hope that you got to have some rest and had some fun.

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