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advice needed desperately regarding social services

881 replies

wannabestressfree · 28/09/2011 21:10

I am desperate for some advice and wondered if anyone could help......

I have three sons. 14,10 and 7. My oldest is aspergers and ADHD, self harms daily and has had two stays in mental hospitals. On sunday he attacked me with a knife in front of my middle son. He didn't hurt me but obviously it was very scarey. He then absconded {he does this a lot} and eventually the police took him to hospital.

A house officer phoned me in the morning and said he would be requiring inpatient treatment but he is medicating at the moment [he is on a childrens ward} and so they have reversed the decision and say he is fit to return home. He self harms daily and his special education school has told social services they are refusing to have him back. I work full time as a teacher.

I told social services I wouldn't have him in the house......... this is after years of asking for help and they have phoned today and said they will give me respite for a week by placing him in foster care in our old home town. I cannot believe they would do this as this is where he absconds too and drinks and was basically told 'tough'......... no other foster carers would take him due to his mental condition. The social worker insisted I tell my school they were dealing with us {head was super supportive} and said they would be looking at the other children. I am so upset as I just want some help.

He will stop taking his medication when he comes home, attack the other children and roams in and out of the house. We are all exhausted.

So advice please............ do I take him back tomorrow or allow him into foster care that I know is not the right place. I honestly feel like they are emotionally blackmailing me..................

OP posts:
Selks · 04/01/2012 21:41

Yes, hope that you've all had a good Christmas. x

wannabestressfree · 04/01/2012 21:51

Hey
We had an ok christmas. DS was moved the day before the his planned visit to the forensic unit at the Bethlem in London. It is a much higher unit and he is the only one on a mental health hold, the other four are from prison. I have to be searched to go in and both my visiting and phone time is much more restricted.

That said the staff seem a lot more 'on the ball' and they have kept me posted on a regular basis. I do feel very detached from my 14 year old though although I know he is seriously ill. He still has severe psychosis which doesn't seem to be abating regardless of all the meds and his mood swings are very severe. Realistically he could be looking at a year there.

Unbelievably today the child protection officer came to see me today with a form marked 'allegation against a member of staff' that social services had sent regarding my DS. I can't believe they have done that and I feel very lucky about the massive supporting statement my head wrote to say I had been under massive pressure and that the school were supporting me a hundred per cent. He has been there three months and they have done that now. I promptly burst into tears in front of my class. It hasn't exactly warmed me to them............

OP posts:
Seabright · 04/01/2012 22:45

Are they saying your son has made an allegation against a member of staff? Or that someone has made an allegation against you?

Selks · 04/01/2012 22:54

Glad to hear that your Christmas was ok. Also, hope DS settles in to his new unit soon.

Bit confused about your last paragraph...who has made an allegation about who? x

wannabestressfree · 05/01/2012 08:22

When He first went into hospital and social services became involved they told me they would have to inform my school they were involved with us as a family. I informed my head straight away but the school received the paperwork yesterday and the fact it was headed 'allegation against a member of staff' upset me.
He hasn't made an allegation its just protocol apparently. And they have taken three months to sort it out.

OP posts:
Selks · 05/01/2012 11:20

That sound pretty odd then, that they've put 'allegation against member of staff' if there hasn't been one. I'd challenge that to be honest, otherwise it will remain on the records, and I'd worry that it could be misinterpreted in the future.

cornsilxkskiy · 05/01/2012 18:13

the child protection officer brought you the form in front of your class? numpty.
Glad you had an okay xmas wannabe.

wannabestressfree · 05/01/2012 20:15

I am going to check that out.

Thanks for the messages

OP posts:
Selks · 28/01/2012 16:24

Hi Wannabe, how have things been going this month?

Diggs · 30/01/2012 13:15

Have just read this thread from start to finish , my heart honestly goes out to you Wanna.

wannabestressfree · 01/02/2012 23:18

Hi sorry I haven't checked in have been in hospital.

The new place is really good. Much stricter as it is medium secure. He HATES it but I do honestly think its the best place for him. It has a zoning system and due to his behaviour he bounces between the two more strict zones. His sleeping is very poor so he remains on medication for that and he according to the forensic psychatrist definately has a personality disorder. They would just like to hold him for a few months to get to the bottom of everything and I have an appointment to see her in two weeks.

He remains very angry with me and sometimes refuses to talk to me. I do feel for him as he is only 14. I visit regularly but he begs to come home. He is the only child on a mental health hold, the others are from prison for very serious offences and he seems scared. Its not ideal in that respect but they feel he is too much of a danger to go to low secure. He has ballooned weight wise and has to be reminded to wash. I have a CPU soon too to discuss what future plans are.

Sorry if this is garbled, If anyone wants to ask anything specifically I will try and answer. My other DS's are still not allowed to see him and I feel for them all as it limits my visiting and they haven't seen him for nearly two months. Its only just been lifted for my mum and sister to visit.

Thanks everyone for support.

OP posts:
WetAugust · 02/02/2012 00:21

Hi

Sorry to hear that you've not been well. I hope you're recovered now.

It seems very harsh to be the only child in a secure unit full of adult offenders.

There are Tier 3 facilities run by CAMHS for adolescents which can be very secure.

I hope he turns the corner soon.

Best wishes

wannabestressfree · 02/02/2012 00:25

Sorry I didn't make that clear they are child offenders up to the age of 18.

OP posts:
WMDinthekitchen · 02/02/2012 00:31

In the short term, your other DC need to be safe and you need respite. I have no experience of this kind of situation but can you discuss his treatment regime? Is there no possibility of in-patient treatment in an age-appropriate place? I guess not, from the desperation in your post. Can you also post this under Health? Sorry, my post useless but did not want to ignore - cannot imagine your exhaustion or desperation.

Maryz · 02/02/2012 00:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannabestressfree · 02/02/2012 09:30

It was the crohns and just generally run down I think. I do think there is an improvement in him. Its just very slow.

Am taking my two other sons to Blackpool in half term for three days as they are desperate to go. I think a kiss me quick holiday and a bit of fun will do us all the world of good :}

OP posts:
Selks · 02/02/2012 20:33

Thanks for the update. Glad to hear that he is somewhere that is good, even though he's not liking it that much (which is to be expected probably). Is it a mental health unit or a young people's secure unit (non-specialist mental health)?
Interesting re the possible personality disorder. Did they say why they thought that? What happened to the psychosis - has it reduced.....and his self harming...any reduction? Sorry for all the questions.
And don't feel that you have to respond.... Grin
Wishing you well health wise x

wannabestressfree · 06/02/2012 21:58

Its a mental health unit - medium secure at the bethlem Royal in London. Its a small unit , currently six boys up to the age of 18. He is joint youngest. He seems to be self harming less and the psychosis is less apparent. He is still suffering from auditory hallucinations and his sleep pattern is very poor but they seem more equipped to deal with it. Will be meeting his forensic psychiatrist next monday for a much longer meeting and am hoping to find out more then.

I don't mind the questions. Its nice to talk about him. I don't really except to my mum. x

OP posts:
Selks · 06/02/2012 22:32

Good...I won't feel bad for asking then! Grin

Hope you're feeling better health-wise.

wannabestressfree · 27/02/2012 10:50

I know I haven't been on for a while but just wanted to update
My ds remains at Bethlem in London and when funding is secured he will be going to 52 week placement {they think the summer} they will be renewing his section in May.

Yesterday he absconded.............. with three others..........
They broke a grate and a window in one of the boys bedrooms and disappeared for SEVEN hours. My DS then wandered back as they dumped him in London. I am so upset and angry. How can they not notice a window being smashed and why were four boys holed up in their bedroom long enough to get the grate off!!!!

I am not sure what I should be doing if anything? I called this morning and the very nice head nurse said managers had been in as its a serious breach of security but really? He is suicidal, anything could have happened.......

End of rant...... needed to get it out

OP posts:
WetAugust · 27/02/2012 17:00

Hi Wannabe

You must be hopping mad about that lack of care. Truly appalling.

Mine escaped for just under an hour while in an adolescent MH unit. At the hour point the staff told me they would have had to call out the Police.

The staffing ratios are so high in these units that a 'breakout' is serious neglect on behalf of the staff.

Things should improve when he's settled into the new placement.

Best wishes

wannabestressfree · 28/02/2012 13:04

I just don't understand how four boys can remove the grate and smash the window and escape across grounds without being caught. I am upset because he is psychotic and suicidal and he was dumped by the other boys quickly. He then spent six hours wandering around.............

I rang last night but they wouldn't let me speak to him as he was in seclusion. I have been so worried and will try again later. DS has a solicitor so don't know if I should be speaking to him. Everyone seems to forget he is 14........

OP posts:
izzyizin · 28/02/2012 17:49

I'm familiar with the work of the adolescent forensic unit you refer to which is, I believe, Tier 4 CAHMS specialist and reading your account has left me deeply concerned not only for the welfare of the boys, including your son, who were able to abscond but also for the welfare of the general public during the time they were at large.

I would suggest you seek explanation as to how this breach of security came to occur - was it due to inadequate staffing levels, lack of proper attention and/or supervision, inexperienced/agency staff etc, and what measures have been put in place to ensure that there will be no repeat?

I would also suggest you ask for an account of what time the your son's absence was first noted together with the times that subsequent action was taken, i.e alerting police. searching the buildings/grounds, notifying you that he was AWOL, etc.

In short, it seems to me that you are entitled to receive a full account of what took place on Sunday insofar as it relates to the care and welfare of your son on that date, and of his subsequent behaviour and demeanour since the incident.

In addition, I suggest that you ask for an account of how many such incidents have occured during the past year - if the hospital appears reluctant to supply this data, I would advise you to make a request under the Freedom of Information Act 2000.

It's also of concern to me that, some 48 hours after he absconded, you have not been allowed to speak to your son as it seems entirely reasonable for you to expect to be reassured directly from him that he is as well as can be expected after such an incident, albeit that such reassurance may of necessity take the form of a very brief telephone conversation.

The bottom line is that although he will inevitably be subject to sanctions following this incident, your son has been placed in this unit for the protection of himself and others and for treatment rather than for punishment although, of course, it may not seem to him that this is the case.

No doubt your own years of experience with your son have made you sympathetic to the enormity of the task faced by those who treat and care for young people who are conflicted by serious mental health issues.

Neverthless, last Sunday's incident is a serious breach of the duty of care that should confidently be expected from such a unit and I would further suggest that you appraise your son's solicitor of this incident at your earliest opportunity as it may be that s/he is better placed to obtain answers to questions which may be more numerous that the ones I have posed here.

wannabestressfree · 28/02/2012 20:49

Thank you Izzy that really helps. I have spoken to him tonight. He was surly, difficult and my much DS, no acceptance of doing anything wrong or what the ramifications are.

I feel very upset still and annoyed. He told me the reason he had returned was someone tried to grab him which is either a. true and worrying or b. sign that his paranoia is still acute and worrying as well.

He also told the window was open and thus anyone would go through it given where he is. Of the four of them one is in ICU at another unit and two have been returned to prison. He remains on the most acute 'zone'.

I will press for answers and will try and contact ds's solicitor.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 29/02/2012 01:32

I'm pleased you've been able to talk to your ds and that he is physcially none the worse for his 'adventure'.

As I'm sure you know, regardless of whether they are experiencing mental health problems, adoloscents can be exceedingly devious when they are intent on embarking on activities that do not meet with the approval of their parents/carers.

I trust that when you next attend the unit, you will be given a full explanation of what took place and what measures are being taken to ensure that your son won't be put at risk again.

I also urge you to ask for an account of what took place, insofar as staff/managers/police are aware, while your son was out of the unit's care and control. If they travelled into town following their escape, it may be that his fellow absconders are more familiar with 'London' than your ds but, in any event, the fact that he was made his own way back to the unit may provide you with a small ray of hope that he knows that his best interests are served by staying where he is for the time being.

It is a matter of fact that this unit's stepdown and discharge rates are better than many. As I'm sure you also know, there are very few forensic mental health units for adolescents in the UK and it is fortunate that your son is receiving the all-encompassing specialist treatment he needs close to your home.

I trust you appreciate that I am not in any way attempting to minimise this incident which, as related by yourself, is a serious breach of the unit's duty of care to its residents, but I hope that you won't allow it to unduly impact on your confidence that your son is in the best possible place for him at the present time.

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