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Original poster

advice needed desperately regarding social services

881 replies

wannabestressfree · 28/09/2011 21:10

I am desperate for some advice and wondered if anyone could help......

I have three sons. 14,10 and 7. My oldest is aspergers and ADHD, self harms daily and has had two stays in mental hospitals. On sunday he attacked me with a knife in front of my middle son. He didn't hurt me but obviously it was very scarey. He then absconded {he does this a lot} and eventually the police took him to hospital.

A house officer phoned me in the morning and said he would be requiring inpatient treatment but he is medicating at the moment [he is on a childrens ward} and so they have reversed the decision and say he is fit to return home. He self harms daily and his special education school has told social services they are refusing to have him back. I work full time as a teacher.

I told social services I wouldn't have him in the house......... this is after years of asking for help and they have phoned today and said they will give me respite for a week by placing him in foster care in our old home town. I cannot believe they would do this as this is where he absconds too and drinks and was basically told 'tough'......... no other foster carers would take him due to his mental condition. The social worker insisted I tell my school they were dealing with us {head was super supportive} and said they would be looking at the other children. I am so upset as I just want some help.

He will stop taking his medication when he comes home, attack the other children and roams in and out of the house. We are all exhausted.

So advice please............ do I take him back tomorrow or allow him into foster care that I know is not the right place. I honestly feel like they are emotionally blackmailing me..................

OP posts:
Original poster
wannabestressfree · 02/12/2011 23:23

See I still forgot!
They are saying its more likely to be schizoprehenia as unfortunately he has the 'genetic code' for it. My father is one :{
He is still the same as when he went in which is why they have discussed moving him to higher level hospital. He was going to be allowed to stay where he was if he stopped attacking staff and others and he can't/won't. After talking to them tonight they are prepared to keep him until assessment though.

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seriouschanger · 02/12/2011 23:39

Do they think he has schizoid personality re forensic assessment rather than schizophrenia? Psychosis is the illness...schizophrenia is a psychotic illness.

He is getting reinforcement from 1:1 special care....ummm they need to offer Special care when he doesn't self harm then and do opposite when he does self harm....hard to ignore self harming but his negetive behaviours have caused the attention he seeks.

Yes that is why I said ABA as it is an education method to stabalise behaviour so he can learn....do yo think he learned these behaviours in other school in response to get attention?

Maryz · 02/12/2011 23:40

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Selks · 02/12/2011 23:50

Wannabe, thanks for the update and info. Please don't apologise for not posting on here sometimes. I would not wish for this thread to be a burden for you, I would hope for it to be a support. Getting the thread moved to the mental health (or whatever section of the site you feel most appropriate) is a good idea.

I'm so sorry to hear that there is no improvement with DS. It does sound like he is very poorly and is probably very complex in terms of assessment and care. It sounds like services are doing all that they can (finally) now.

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 03/12/2011 08:54

I think, as far as I know, the assessment is to see if he is a danger to others outside and what help exactly he needs. I am very out of my depth so bare with me.
With regard to the special care he likes it as I think he feels quite safe. Any relaxing results in him become stressed and the psychosis seems worse. He seems to have episodes.
I agree the AS makes it extremely difficult to deal with. He has gone five days days without incident and was asking me yesterday if I would discharge him. He is very impatient and demanding. He needs to maintain behaviour and that's where he has a problem.
Will post later

OP posts:
MadamTwoSwords · 03/12/2011 13:53

I have no experience with AS but just wanted to say I am in awe of you (and every parent like you).
You seem an amazing mum who obviously only wants the best for all of your children and they are lucky to have you.

I hope that doesn't come across as patronising I just wanted to voice my support for you and your children.

PipinJo · 03/12/2011 16:57

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 04/12/2011 19:48

They do think that stress is triggering psychosis to some extent. I think that's why he finds 'outside' life and homelife so stressful......
I am dreading school tomorrow. I had friday off and still feel terrible. It just all seems too much at the moment..........

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Original poster
wannabestressfree · 04/12/2011 19:49

And thanks madam you didn't sound patronising at all and its nice to hear. I long for normality at times........

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ohanotherone · 04/12/2011 20:48

Neither! Refuse to take him back! Refuse foster care! Demand a multidisciplinary team meeting with you present so you can advise them of his behaviour! Calmly state you will contact the papers if they discharge him when it is clearly unsafe. Repeat that this would be an unsafe discharge. Ask to speak with team manager! Stay calm. Keep repeating that he needs more help than you can give! It's not safe to let him home/foster care. I hope they listen to you!

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 04/12/2011 20:53

This is an old thread ohanotherone he is in a psychiatric hospital. He has been there a couple of months now

OP posts:
ohanotherone · 04/12/2011 20:56

Sorry, posting on iPhone and I only saw early posts! I have a sister who has very serious mental health problems! It sounds like he is in the best place! It is awful seeing a loved one in a hospital/ unit but he will be helped there! It always takes so much time though!

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 04/12/2011 21:29

That's ok and don't worry. I really value anyone's advice especially if they have children or siblings with problems. Helps to get a perspective.

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Maryz · 04/12/2011 21:36

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Original poster
wannabestressfree · 04/12/2011 21:49

Oh Maryz I don't know what to do really. I work in a secondary school and they have been understanding but if I am honest I am struggling to do a full week with everything else going on. Even friday I had social services here and was on phone to the hospital.

It didn't help that thursday I was in the unit with the naughties and was repeatedly called a fat c**t and verbally abused for about an hour {by one child}. By the end of the day I felt like I was on the verge of cracking up............

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Maryz · 04/12/2011 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 04/12/2011 22:21

I did think about that or even asking if I can trim my working week down just until christmas so that it gives me a clear day to deal with things.

I think I will take your advice and thanks. Just don't feel like I am doing anything 'well' at the moment. I only started at the school in september and I am not very focused. They have been lovely but I am struggling

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Maryz · 04/12/2011 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CinnabarRed · 05/12/2011 05:47

My MIL was a deputy head and since retiring is a supply teacher to keep her hand in. She says it would be easier for the school to cover an agreed period while you're signed off than reduced working hours or ad hoc days here and there. I second talking to your head to see which s/he would prefer because it sounds like something needs to give.

I don't have any practical experience to offer, but you have my heartfelt sympathy and my very best wishes.

brandysoakedbitch · 05/12/2011 07:39

I don't have any advice wannabe I just wanted to let you know I read the whole thread and I am thinking of you all, this is such a terrible thing for you all to be dealing with. I can feel the love you have for your son and I cannot imagine the stress you are under trying to find the right solution for him.

What about approaching your GP and asking to be signed off for a while? I wish I had a magic wand for you all to make it all ok - you are a remarkable woman for just keeping going through all this and trying to fight for you son.

prettyfly1 · 05/12/2011 12:01

Wannabe I cannot add much in the way of productive advise however as the mother of a six year old with ADHD who has to watch him like a hawk my thoughts go out to you. I feel tired at the level I deal with and it is nothing like yours. Your ability to show love and compassion even through all the strain is nothing short of amazing and regardless of what happens with you and your son I hope you get a quiet moment to feel proud of how hard you have worked to find solutions and safety for all of your children.

Selks · 05/12/2011 21:02

Wannabe, if you need to take some time out to look after yourself then you should consider doing so. If not, it could make any stressful feelings that you are experiencing now worse in the long run....it could make you unwell. You have had, and still have, a hell of a lot on your plate. Maybe something has to give, if only temporarily. I'm glad that your school is being understanding.

Original poster
wannabestressfree · 05/12/2011 21:16

I have decided to get through the last two weeks and have a good think over the holiday. Ds has managed seven whole days without a major incident. Am hoping we have turned a corner. I know its early days but he has had his pass to his room returned so he isn't being watched constantly and he was quite chipper on the phone.
Am hoping he may get home for the day christmas eve. I know he will have nurse with him but I think it will do him good. Should hopefully find out this week when his forensic assessment is also.

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Original poster
wannabestressfree · 05/12/2011 21:21

The only way I can describe how I feel is that i feel constantly thirty seconds off crying, forty off having a panic attack and that my chest hurts. I want to go to bed when my other ds' do and I wake up exhausted. I don't want to go out and everything is an effort........... i also have a constant headache. Moan moan.... sorry

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brandysoakedbitch · 05/12/2011 21:38

I think how you feel is entirely normal actually (not nice for you though I know) all that physical anxiety is dreadful and grinds you down. As I suggested before I wonder if a trip to the Docs would be the right thing for you. I have suffered in the past with the most awful anxiety (during breakdown of my marriage to someone with MH problems) and I took beta blockers for a period that helped dampen down all the horrible physical symptoms of stress without affecting me emotionally IYSWIM. Besides not sure that anti depressants are the thing when one is really stressed rather than depressed.

Do try to eat and sleep as well as you can and I am so sorry for you all to be in this situation. I really hope things will be clearer with regards to treatment for your DS when his assessment is completed.

It's OK to moan, I am quite sure day or night someone will be here with a kind or encouraging message for you so don't be afraid to ask. I know this must feel sometimes an insurmountable problem but your courage and love for your family will out in all of this and you will find a solution.

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