advice needed desperately regarding social services

[wannabestressfree]

I am desperate for some advice and wondered if anyone could help......

I have three sons. 14,10 and 7. My oldest is aspergers and ADHD, self harms daily and has had two stays in mental hospitals. On sunday he attacked me with a knife in front of my middle son. He didn't hurt me but obviously it was very scarey. He then absconded {he does this a lot} and eventually the police took him to hospital.

A house officer phoned me in the morning and said he would be requiring inpatient treatment but he is medicating at the moment [he is on a childrens ward} and so they have reversed the decision and say he is fit to return home. He self harms daily and his special education school has told social services they are refusing to have him back. I work full time as a teacher.

I told social services I wouldn't have him in the house......... this is after years of asking for help and they have phoned today and said they will give me respite for a week by placing him in foster care in our old home town. I cannot believe they would do this as this is where he absconds too and drinks and was basically told 'tough'......... no other foster carers would take him due to his mental condition. The social worker insisted I tell my school they were dealing with us {head was super supportive} and said they would be looking at the other children. I am so upset as I just want some help.

He will stop taking his medication when he comes home, attack the other children and roams in and out of the house. We are all exhausted.

So advice please............ do I take him back tomorrow or allow him into foster care that I know is not the right place. I honestly feel like they are emotionally blackmailing me..................

Yes he is still attempting to self harm when he can. For example he was allowed out to watch fireworks with a nurse, absconded and cut his arms and legs. I also noted he had cut his chest again at his meeting {apparently on an xbox case}. He is quite inventive. He is nursed pretty much on one-to-one, has a sterile room, is searched before bed and watched whilst sleeping, showering etc.

He is on lots of medication and they think the psychosis is stress induced. He is still hearing voices and so is on laranzapine? sorry for spelling. Had phone call today to say he had a very bad day and was in special care. He had threatened to cut another child's throat. Its very worrying.

The other two children are generally ok. We had a chat about ds'1's absence and I think they are quietly relieved although ds2 feels guilty about saying as much. It is certainly more relaxed. The hospital are going to make a family room available in two weeks for them to visit him although it will be staffed and the visit will be short. I think they need to see him although this will only be possible if he is stable at the time.

Thanks for checking in selks and Maryz I hope ds is doing well at the moment? x

Sorry to hear that he had a bad day today. Hopefully soon he begin to will stabilise. It can sometimes take a little while to get the medication just right apparently.

Glad to hear that your other two are doing ok. I'm sure that you're doing what you can to help them feel ok about their mixed feelings, which are entirely natural.

I'll keep checking in on here regularly. Whenever you want to write about what's happening we're here to listen. Hope the rest of your week goes ok...and take good care of yourself.

Just wondering how things are now, Wannabe?....

Hi - have followed your thread but not posted and was also wondering how you and your DS are doing. I can't believe what you have been through and what it took to get some proper help and support.

I think you have been amazing to have coped so far.

Same as cider, I'm just amazed at how much you've had to cope with. Hope all is as well as it can be.

Hi
Sorry for not posting. Have taken a personal day today as social services are coming.
Things are still incredibly stressful. My ds may well be moved to a higher unit as he has not improved in two months and has earnt no more leave as he seems unable to function normally. I visited him for the first time last saturday with the the two other children but he couldn't manage the full hour with them. He looked awful and smelt and his nerves seemed shredded. He kept asking if the hour was up :{
Sunday he refused to speak to me.
Monday he tried to hang himself and was put in special care. He bite and kicked the nurses who took him down.
I am literally waiting for the call to say he is dead. I constantly feel on the verge of crying. One evening he is lucid and chatty and begging to come home then he does something else, assaults staff, showers with his clothes on, says the tv is talking to him, is abusive, etc. Its so hard. And I miss him terribly. I don't miss the behaviour though.
I know they are tampering with his medication to try and settle him but he still seems so ill. I am not going to see him this weekend as I am so tired and i feel drained. I just am so worried he will never get better and this is it.
Thank you all for checking in though.

Wannabe, I've just seen this thread again after your other thread in the summer I think, I am so sorry that things are so bad for your son but glad he is at least getting the help he needs and you are not expected to be his carer at the moment.

Are you getting any help with the trauma of this, how about your younger sons. I do hope so, there is so much help for the families of children with cancer and to be honest I think you need it as much if not more

It's no good saying don't feel guilty as that's the mums first response and will be hard to shift, but you are doing the right thing, as is your middle for son for saying things are easier when your eldest is not in the house

Pray that he improves with the changed medication

Really hope that your meeting with SSD goes well today. It can sometimes be really difficult when you are stressed or anxious to remember everything that is said, and also remember all of your questions - so do take notes or ask someone to be with you.

It is so terribly sad that it is taking such a long time to get your ds's medication right and to see a sustained inprovement in his mental health.

Is the new unit in the same hospital, or will you have even more travelling to contend with?

Wishing you and your family all the very best.

Meeting went well actually and she was very supportive. She agreed it was academic looking at schools as he is not stable enough to go. A move to a higher ward with more specialised care needs to be assessed. The hospitals are few and far between so I don't know where it will be. I feel completely out of the loop.

She said she felt my ds' case was completely out of their area of expertise. They need proper advice and guidance. She did feel that his case now meets the criteria for children with disabilities team though so I can see it being shoved to another team again.

She also agreed that my other ds' feelings and thoughts need to be taken into consideration. Finally.............

God I feel emotionally exhausted.

Oh God. I'm sure you feel totally helpless. Your poor DS. Please God they manage to help him.

I suppose at least they are honest in saying it is outside their area of expertise rather than some idiot deciding that you can cope.

Mmmm - my experience with Disabled Childrens Teams is that they have little expertise with young people with mental health problems.

Given that his mental health difficulties may not be permanent, I would be cautious about it going over to them, but perhaps your Local Authority is different.

Really pleased that the meeting went well and that you feel supported, I can't begin to imagine how emotionally draining all of this must be for you. I have worked with the local CAMHS before to offer some sessions to siblings and children of those with mental health problems, to answer questions, address fears etc - is this the sort of thing that you discussed today?

You may also find an organisation called Young Minds useful - they have some great literature to explain mental health and also have a telephone service that is available to parents and young people.

No I agree. I think its a combination of a child with a statement with aspergers, with severe mental health issues and what happens next. I really like the sw we have now so fingers crossed we keep her. Its the fourth we have had.

Thanks Cider for messaging. Is such a relief to just chat about it. I always worry when I meet sw I am going to forget something. I tend to talk non stop for an hour and still feel frustrated by the end of it.

We are under CAHMS. I think with the children with disabilities team they are just asking their advice. At least I hope. Its such a mess. Will have a look at young minds. Thanks x

Just a thought - if your local CAMHS team are unable to offer your other children a session to answer questions, discuss their fears etc, you might want to speak to the hospital that your ds is in to see if they have a member of staff that could do an 'information session' at the very least.

Really hope you have a restful weekend.

Oh that's a good idea I will ask. It must be confusing from them and as time goes on I think they must have questions.........

Thinking of you wannabe.

It's good to have an update but I'm sorry to hear how tough things are. I'm at least very relieved for all of you that he's somewhere secure where people can see how unwell he is. It must be immensely distressing for the whole family though to see him suffering like this.

That's a good idea may email them to ask what mumsnet suggest. The support has really been invaluable on here and I know I can talk freely.

Maryz I take comfort in that. I hope with the combination of right tablets and secure schooling he will improve and come out of the other end. I said to the social worker today that I am always expecting the phone to go to say he is dead. It prevents me from sleeping, working or doing anything well. I just don't feel 'there'..... like I am on this planet. Am just constantly tired and teary.

Hi again - curiously, I just received an email at work from the Social Care Institute of Excellence which includes advice to professionals re adolescent mental health - Here

and Top 10 Principles

It can often be handy, if professionals are not doing a great job to wave NICE and SCIE guidelines and recommendations around a bit. Not that I am suggesting that this is the case with your ds, but you might want to keep it incase you need it later.

I'm sorry to hear this latest news.

You're supporting your son and your other children in the best way you can. I think it's good that the Children with Disabilities team is getting involved, it's important to remember the impact of the AS and it wouldn't be right to treat his case as purely a mental health issue.

The Priory company run residential schools for both AS and students with emotional difficulties so that may be worth calling them and asking about the possibility of a placement there.

Wannabe just seen your post so sorry to here what is happening with ds. Have they dx schizophrenia or Bi Polar? Is he starting to settle yet at the unit? They offer schooling at these hospital units when the child is well enough to access education. But tbh education is least of your worries at present. Is he still self harming and attempting suicide?

Agree Proiry have some good schools but may only look to take ds when psychosis is stable.

Maybe best to phone ds or write to him more than visit...not good for the other sibblings to see ds unsell either....very upsetting for them. Also if ds so unwell might not remember so much when better what even happened.

Your ds will be watched 24/7 and unless absconds should not get a chance to do anything to kill himself. Did they say he was on close/1:1 obs? Please be assurred they wont let ds out of sight/voice level when this unwell. So please try and breathe a little and trust the unit will keep ds safe.

I dont understand why your ds is being referred to disabilities team when Psychosis is the issue here and CAMHS 'Mental Health' Social Services have the expertise to deal with ds.

Can you ask for meeting with Consultant to ask what plan is re placement/medication and treatment. Are there any Behavioural Analysists in this unit to introduce a behavioural therapy plan for ds to help him control his self harming behaviours.

Have you thought about ABA? Their is a residential school in North Wales that uses ABA. It sounds like your ds behaviour has been reinforced where he was before with his sparring partner! This is very bad!

I would defo look at different education approach for ds from now on in!

Hey just wanted to answer a few questions........
He does access education, roughly 45 minutes a day at the moment.
He attempted suicide again monday and still self harms regularly. He has got quite inventive about what he uses now.
I speak to him 30 minutes a day and visit once a week. Saturday was the first visit in 2 months for my ds's and I sought advice. They thought it would be mutually beneficial.
He is on close obs if not 1;1 depending on his behaviour. They are trying to lessen his need for special care as they are finding it is counter productive and he is seeking to be in there. Unfortunately when they 'lessen' the care he self harms again.
My social worker said she would be asking the advice of children with disabilities team as she felt they may have expertise she didn't.
Psychosis is a symptom and not an illness. He is due to have a forensic assessment and they are hoping this will shed more light on exactly what he needs and level of care.
He sees a behavioural psychologist as part of his care.
Nothing can happen until he has the forensic assessment. I personally think it is academic looking at cambian or priory schools until he is stable and no one will take him until then anyway. They aren't sure what his assessment will throw up and it may mean he needs full time care in a psych hospital due to his behaviour and level of violence toward others. Other than that they have agreed he needs a 52 week placement.

Its a minefield. His next cpa is early January and he isn't allowed leave christmas day due to his status on the ward and he would have to be accompanied. I will probably go there without the children. Am so so tired. Thanks all for advice and I will look into suggestions. Sorry if the above reads like a shopping list didn't want to leave anything out.