he has done it again, I do not believe he has done it again!

[colditz]

My partner has got us (joint tenancy) into £500 debt, with rent arrears, and today I was served with a notice of intention to seek possession.

I knew nothing about this!!!!! Basically he has been paying the rent at a rate of £70 per month since October. I first found this out today, when the notice with my name only on it was given to my partner. Had I not physically snatched it outof his hand, I would still be none the wiser now.

so now I have to find £500. I am so shocked and angry that he has done this to me again, he swears he just forgot, but to me that makes it even worse. How can you 'forget' that you owe a Housing Association £70 per week?

I have told him I want him to leave, he says no. That's it really, he says no. I can't physically make him, I don't know what to do. If I pay this rent, I will always pay the rent, which means I am paying for everything.

has anyone got any ideas? I am 22 weeks pregnant, and wishing, sadly, that I had never bloody met him, or had left him the minute ds was born. He has dragged my name with his into court so many times I am ashamed. They didn't even know who I was before I got involved with him, I am always so careful to keep things in seperate names, but the council tax and rent are the 2 things that I had no choice about. Either his name went on it, or they wouldn't lease me a property.

I don't even know where I stand legally. And anyone who has read my posts on debt subjects before willl know that this is the ultimate betrayal to me, I really would rather he had had a one night stand. I would understand that, at least.

I am so sad and so angry, I have screamed at him in front of ds (who only sees me shouting at his daddy)

he isn't having my details to anything, I don't hide anything anway.

Is there a saying that goes something like "There's none so fearful of lies as a liar"?

I hate doing it actually, he seems to think I get some sort of glee out of doing it, but I just get a horrible sinking feeling. So I know where you're coming from with that one nutty.

Yep dp thinks I enjoy it too, but i would love to be able to let him have control of his own money and be able to trust him, but i can't and so it stays like this or there is no relationship.

I have asked him if he honestly thought I was going to give him my account details and let him near my money ever again, he said no.

I'm maybe not being incredably fair, but it's how I feel.

You are in a dreadful position but he has forced you there I was with someone similar years ago and eventually I lost respect for him

I think you have every right to feel like that. What he has done is incredibly selfish and irresponsible, which is exactly how my dp was/is.

I know that I need to know that the money is there for bills, rent etc if I need it, and if dp had access to his money then I know he would just spend it and not tell me.

You have to know for your sake and your kids that things are as they should be, and if he can't manage that then he has to give it up and let you.

lost respect about 2 years ago, keep trying to get it back but he makes it difficult with his behavior.

It is very hard to respect and feel attractd to someone when you have to do things for them like they are a child He should be bloody greatful you are so understanding You have no need to let him check your accounts etc as you have done nothing wrong You sound very fair to me I would have been gone long ago If he has a genuine gambling addiction he needs to seek help and probably working where he does won't be possible in the long term My dp is a recovering alcoholic(14yrs)and it took him a lot of hard work to get where he is now

Colditz, no way should you give him your MN or MSN password. You are not the one who has cocked up massively here. He is acting like a child. He won't take responsibility & yet when you try to ensure a roof over your head he gets all defensive and arsey. ARGHH!!!!
Have you talked to your HA about what are the exact terms of your tenancy agreement. I don't think you should have to be the one who leaves the home, because he is behaving unreasonably and jeopardising the roof over your head.
Can you have a chat to someone at the HA about what you are entitled to do?
I really feel for you. This is a shit time of year to have to deal with all this stuff, not to mention being pregnant too.

i think you should have one night a week where you go over stuff - he sees your accounts - you see his - only set up a secret fund account in case you need deposit on a flat in an emergency. or whatever.

if you come over all paternal hes going to be resentful of your involvement and use this as an excuse not to focus on the real problem - his gambling.

we both know you are going to be the paternal one - but give the idea that he does have invovlement in decision making processes - just that you are now the administrator.

so you both discuss what things should be spend on - only your the one who actions it - your like the Colditz family secretary - tellhim.

your quite right - if tenenacy is in his name - your f*cked. please get this changed - do it in the same atmosphere as above - have a sit down and say "right lets have things open no messing about - you see mine too - and in this light then - i want my name on tenancy"

Oh my name is on the tenancy too custy.

Basically, he has one month to prove to me he can manage himself. This means he can carry on paying his own bills, he shows me his bank slips volentarily, and his pay slips, with the idea that I can point out when something needs to be paid, where that money can come from, and also he can prove to me he isn't blowing the money. I am demanding receipts from the post office for the rent, I want to see giro slips for bills, and I want to see bank statements to see that any DD's he has are going out. not bouncing and we are not getting charged for them.