The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Here's To STAYING On A Sober Holiday!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

I have an abusive and volatile relationship with alcohol.

This is the Brave Babes Bus, it's filled with sober, drinking and somewhere in between Babes who are all here for the journey ahead, whatever that may entail.

EVERYONE is welcome on this Bus. No-one will judge what you are going through, what you drink, what you don't or what you do.

Come take a seat.

Take a peek at the journeys so far (including the thread by JWN that started this whole journey off) HERE

if you thought rehab would help you get to where you need to be - with DP and DD can you try? what is holding you back from rehab? if it gets you to where you need to be?

i have to go out to a (work) meeting but will be back later this pm / evening. Stay strong. x

I spoke to gp. She told me not to get my hopes up but she will see what she can do. I still want to die

Hmmm, not a very helpful GP in my book. I think you'd do well to seek advice and/or help elsewhere. When I was where you are, I found a Community Alcohol Support Team. You said you are in Edinburgh?

Have a look HERE

And HERE

And also HERE

You might find somewhere that can help you today?

I understand that you are feeling awful. You are missing your baby, and ohysically your body is still dealing with processing a load of toxins. But what can you do now that is constructive.

There are loads of AA meetings in Edinburgh today. Have you called them? I know you posted that your parents are not supportive, but if you think it would help you, then you must go. You cannot wait for other people to solve this for you. You have been to AA before, call them now. Go to a meeting.

Make some real plans for 90 meetings in 90 days, work out how you will get there, and maybe someone to go with. At least you will feel that you are doing something.

Wanttodie, just wanted to reach out and reassure you that we are all here to help you.

Never mind your df not liking aa, it's about what you want and you need. Sounds like what you want is for everything to be ok again with your dp and dd, so what you need is to make a plan for how you're going to get there. Start with not having a drink today, it's a good start and everyone on this thread has had to start there.

Does your dp have a reason why he thinks rehab rather than aa is better for you?

Another one here ready to offer you support wantto so please keep posting.

Is it possible that your DF doesn't think aa works because he's seen what you've gone through time and time again? Would he be willing to go to al-anon to seek support for himself? It sounds like he is trying to 'save' you by locking you up. I'm sure he loves you but has no idea what else he can to to help. Sorry if I've got that all wrong but it does sound like you have family around you prepared to help if you are ready to accept it.

wanto - when i first posted i thought i had fucked up my entire life, i seriously considered killing myself, i honestly thougth that everyone who loved me would be relieved that i was no longer being a pain in the arse and that they would be glad that i had finally done something useful! - that, my love is seriously fucked up thinking!!, yeah, right now i expect you have behaved like a right twat, everyone is bloody angry, pissed off etc

they are also DESPERATE!!! they LOVE YOU!!! and they want you to GET BETTER!!!!

you can sink now, carry on drinking/kill yourself quickly or slowly (dosent matter, the effect on the people you love and who love you will be the same) (they will be heartbroken!!!!) or you can start again, rebuild your life and possibly regain the trust of your partner (there are no guarantees on that but if you kill yourself you will never find out!)

this is going to hard work, you are worth it!!!

Hello JWN

I'm so glad you're here as well to talk to wantto

hello mouse!! I'll talk to anyone me!!!

actually, i just dropped in while i ate my sandwich, will keep looking in this afternoon!!

btw - do you fancy a shopping trip isindi?

I am waiting on the gp calling. My dad is taking me to my mums for a few hrs. That will be even harder. I still can't see a way out. I don't want to drink ... I know that much. I can't eat or sleep (many falling over injuries) I can't stop crying. I hate myself

I am waiting on the gp calling. My dad is taking me to my mums for a few hrs. That will be even harder. I still can't see a way out. I don't want to drink ... I know that much. I can't eat or sleep (many falling over injuries) I can't stop crying. I hate myself

Wantodie, even if you just lurk for a bit, stay with the bus, it really has the best bunch of passengers you could hope to meet, and I promise you someone ha been through this before, so we re not going to judge. Just lurk or post, but stay on the bus. X

X post, glad you're still here.

Right, what you need most is some sleep, nutrition and good hydrating liquids inside you. Re pain, yup, I've been there. See if you can get someone to get you arnica, and some painkillers to help you at least fall asleep, without rest, every mountain feels much higher.

Is there physical injury stopping you eating solids, or is it loss of appetite etc. Get someone to get you lucozade or diaralyte to rehydrate you and replace blood sugars etc. If you can't eat solids, complan is a good option. You need to tend to the basics right now.

Just wanted to say .... What a great bunch of people on this bus.

wantto crying is fine. Cry all you like. You have reason to. Then what? What is the next thing you are going to do. Have you had a sugary (nonalkie) drink? Something to eat as TheBoss suggested? If not, that will be your 'next thing' to tackle. Then the painkillers and sleep. See? Just one thing at a time. Let us know how you're getting on. There are a lot of people who care about you.

Have to sign off soon because it's almost bedtime here, but as always, will be online in the am, so the wee hours uk time if wantto or anyone else is up and needs to talk.

One thing at a time, one day at a time. That's a good mantra, wanttodie, give it a try out for size. Big hugs.

isindi, and you can have the tasteful understated linen suit!

quick ponder, mainly for WANTODIE to think about - a bit earlier i was wondering if i should have asked isindi such a trivial question on here while you are suffering such awful agonies, wondered if i was really out of order, and then i thought back, to how i felt when i reached my rock bottom, the thought that 'real life' was carrying on around me never entered my head, i was too lost in my own misery, desperation and self-pity, the thing is, all of us here have been where you are today, to a greater or lesser degree, it was just as traumatic in its own way - as we get better, 'real life' returns, we talk about our struggle, some days we hang on by the skin of our teeth, somedays the bastard voice wins and we have to come back and start again, but ultimatly, as we give the 'drink bastard' the heave ho, we end up talking about our lives, our children, our partners, our jobs, the colour of the lounge carpet and should we wear skinny jeans after 35, trivial at times, but thats what normal life is!

what im trying to say is, you can be like us, life dosent have to be one long trauma, dont expect miracles, (i did! ), dont expect everything to get better overnight, (i did!) just start today, dont think too far forward, just get the next few hours over with and slowly but surely things will come right!

L XXXXXXXXXX

Update and thanks. I spoke to gp and she will prescribe me the antabuse. She is trying to arrange an earlier counselling programme which may lead to rehab! I will do anything if I'm in the same city as my baby. Dp will go with me on thursday and I can see the baby. Whether or not her will let me stay the night I'm unsure. So only one more day here to get through. I know I won't drink I just have to persuade my dad to get me to a meeting and buy me fags. Please pray for me. I really do want to get better but without dp I am lost. I need to charge my phone but I will be back later for some more wonderful support. The suicidal feelings are still there but I'm pushing them away. Although I have googled suicide and made a plan

wantto it's good to hear from you again. Keep the updates coming so that we know you are keeping safe. Looking forward to seeing your gorgeous baby will give you strength. In the long run you CAN have a future with your child and that, surely, is worth fighting for. Hope you can persude your DF to get cigarettes but if not, would he get you nicorette patches?

wantto

I will do anything if I'm in the same city as my baby.

If that's the case sweets, then you NEED to remain focused on this and throw away your suicide plan. You don't need that do you? Not if you want to see your gorgeous little girl again.

She needs you regardless of the state you are in. You life is NOT over, you have got a way to deal with this demon, and there is SO much support out there and here for you, but you have to let it happen.

Deep breaths, tiny steps and take you day a minute at a time, an hour, hour by hour. One foot in front of the other. Just stop and breathe. Just for a while, just BE.

Just keep posting whether you're drinking or not. Keep talking to us.

We can help you because we have ALL been in your shoes at one point or another.

Hey Isindie, how about smelling those babies for a reward. (After their bath of course ). What is it about clean children, and sleeping children for that matter, that make you just go aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh .

Alternatively, there's always chocolate . And us gorgeous babes

Hi all. wanttodie just wanted to say that I've been reading your posts and thinking of you. I am possibly the least "huggy" person in the known universe (more of a listener and provider of practical support, me), which means I always feel a bit helpless in cyberspace.

Mouse is right that we have all been in your shoes, at least in some way or another, at some point. Don't know how old you are, but if you have a baby I can make a reasonable guess that you have at least half of your life ahead of you. The bit of your life that is happening now can be a blip, it doesn't have to define who you are, any more than any other illness would. Hang in there and listen to the wise women on this thread (among whom I do not presume to count myself).

Isinde - you've reminded me of the time when DS aged 4 turned up in our kitchen in a high state of excitement: "mummy - you'll never guess what is on TV! What? A big, blue, talking poo - with a blanket!". Hmm.

I'm doing a masters degree part time at the moment and have to write my dissertation next year. How scared am I?