The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Here's To STAYING On A Sober Holiday!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

I have an abusive and volatile relationship with alcohol.

This is the Brave Babes Bus, it's filled with sober, drinking and somewhere in between Babes who are all here for the journey ahead, whatever that may entail.

EVERYONE is welcome on this Bus. No-one will judge what you are going through, what you drink, what you don't or what you do.

Come take a seat.

Take a peek at the journeys so far (including the thread by JWN that started this whole journey off) HERE

MissP I remember the shock I got when I actually came to terms with the fact that I would never again be 30, I'd never be 5'8 tall, and I'll probably never again be a size 8. With all that came a lot of acceptance of who I actually am, and quite a bit of learning to like me for all that I am, and all that I'm not.

That probably makes as much sense as your post

MissP and Venus

your posts made perfect sense to me. It took me years to come to terms with the fact that I was nearly 5ft 8, and would never be a petite sex kitten!

On another note, for the first time this afternoon (whiling away time) I looked on another thread, which was all about A level results, all the people were worried sick about thier Dc's results on Thursday, I wasn't, up until then!
Never again!

Bad headache again tonight. Trying to rehydrate with water. Is this normal after 3 days. I do try and give up occasionally and haven't had tired/headache-y symptoms. Maybe it's because I'd been drinking more on holiday.

Can somebody please give me a head massage.

Lush - I too have a banging head. It will pass but yes, stay hydrated.

TheBoss - thank you xx

Well so far, I'm dry. I will be drinking in moderation tomorrow and Thursday but then I hope to reel it way back in. I may have a glass of shandy later, or a cider if I fancy it but for now, I'm happy not drinking right now

venus - how are things with you? Busy?

JWN - how are the wedding plans with DD going? Feels like I've not chatted with you for ages. xx

thank you all for your posts - you are so supportive.Massive rows last night and today. Told him if he started in on DD2 (who is always up for going toe to toe with DH) tonight I would leave. i can't bear it anymore. The long term plan has become medium term. I am putting things in place. I need to stop drinking and start running again, I need to be physically and mentally fit for what lies ahead. Your support is invaluable to me.
indie i read the mary oliver poem again today. I also have a picture taped to the inside of my cupboard in the office. It is of a ship in full sail heading out to sea. it says "some day, you will". and I will. But not today.

Ma

I'm so sorry that you are living like this. What kind of life is it? You know that if you need a break you can come here. xx

I am still DRY!!!! I've been keeping busy all night and thought about drinking every single minute but I didn't give in.

And now I'm away to bed before I spoil it.

Sending love and hope to all the Babes out there....... xxxx

Hope your OK Ma. You need to be happy and it doesn't seem as if you have been happy for a long time. Your DC's seem older now and so will manage I am sure if you decide the long term is actually the short term. Remenber the babes are here. x

Great effort mouseface. Day 3 complete here. Head still not good but there must be light at the end of this tunnel surely. This is the longest I've gone without a drink since DS born, so about 9 years. scary thought.

Morning everyone,

Newly Lush I forgot to say hello and welcome yesterday. I saw you'd written "the longest I've gone without a drink since DS born, so about 9 years. scary thought." Can you say what's scary about it? Is it facing how bad things had/have got? I don't want to put words in your mouth - I'm assuming that's what you meant though. I have caused chaos in my drinking. Sometimes I can only just peek at it. Recently I have started to look more directly at the damage I have done and sometimes the feeling is overwhelming but for me it is becoming a step towards recovering and putting things right.

Mouse - you "thought about drinking every single minute". That sounds exhausting! Actually, I remember it and it was exhausting. It doesn't have to be like this. Thankfully. Though as you know I have spent months going back for more exhausting misery!

Zany how are you doing on your own? Try and make some time for relaxing stuff for you, won't you?

I don't know why I am awake at silly o'clock again today after a busy tiring day yesterday and another one ahead today. My head is all whizzy. Have a good day everyone, we are off to a charity teddy bear's picnic so fingers crossed the weather improves!

Morning!

mouse fantastic effort last night, I feel so pleased for you. A couple of weeks ago you sounded chaotic and defeated, but now you sound as though you're up for the fight - wonder where nemo gets those battling characteristics from

noteven is it you and dd going to the teddy bear's picnic? it sounds lovely, and she must be so delighted to be able to do that with her darling sober mum x

newlylush there's a phrase that MIFLAW used to use about 'seeing the hangover through to the end' which I think meant that if you were drinking pretty much every day, then you never really experienced the full impact of a hangover without at some point medicating yourself with the next drink. Maybe not first thing in the morning to stop the shakes, but certainly as a pick-me-up at tea-time. It takes a few days for all the alcohol to be completely removed from your system, so it is possible that what you've been experiencing is the tail end of that hang-over. Apart from the obvious toxin of alcohol, there are a lot of other chemicals and lots of sugars in wine, brandy, etc. If you de-toxed from those alone you'd probably have a headache for a few days. Hope you're feeling a bit brighter today. Keep drinking lots of fluids, eat little bits of chocolate, take some very gentle exercise (a nice calm walk). Enjoy your toxin free body.

Morning, self-pity mode over, was just having an off-day yesterday for absolutely no reason. Was cheered up when I arrived home to a parcel in the post containing a book I have been waiting to read, from my daughter, with a little note inside just saying "Mammy, Love you, S" and it totally cheered me up.

BOING!!!! morning lovley babes!

mouse! feels like i havent spoken to anyone on here for ages! rl is taking me over right now, im the clucking chicken with its head stuck right ups its doodah! wedding plans on track but i can see clouds on the horizon - grooms family are very 'wag' iyswim? and they want white doves and unicorns and eagle owls with velvet cushions and a pink hummer sort of thing! dd has said NO and they have no idea who they have taken on!!

we are changing the layout of our bedrooms and dressing room and study and stripping the floors so the entire house looks like a rubbish tip and is covered in a film of dust (i dont have to tell you how that feels!)

i cant tell you about work as i dont want to jinx anything but im really really busy with it!

dh and i are trying to book a holiday and cant agree on where to go (anyone been to La Gomera? i like the sound of it but dh wants to go to havana!)

oh! and my roots need doing!

apart from that im fine!

thanks all.
got a text from DD1 today asking if DH and I were going to divorce
I said no. I am a coward.
and a liar.

ma

But right answer to her I think. Until you know exactly what you are going to do, then they shouldn't know. Plus uou couldn't tell her if you and h have not discussed it.

What it does tell you is that she notices that things are not right.

ma! - you are not a coward!, just unhappy! - fwiw, i think its right not to tell your dd anything right now, you have to talk to dh though, this really cant go on, not for either of you!, i do know how scary and awful and terrifying and gut wrenchingly awful you feel, i have been divorced twice and its truely crap, all i can say is that you really do come out the other side, life can get better and you can be happy again - what you do have to be is very sure though!, are you SURE its over and not just an unhappy blip?, dh and i have been very much up and down this last year but i know that underlying all the crap we still are very much in love and want to stay together, do you feel like that? or is staying married for another 20 years a dreadful thought?

whatever you decide, you know you can come here and we will understand!
L XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hey Ma, can I ask what age DD1 is? and how aware is she of how unhappy you are?

Afternoon Babes

My lovely friend has arrived so we're sat chilling.

Ma - I'm so sorry that your life is like this. Maybe you should separate for a while? Stop the cycle for a while. Just rest for a while. Give yourself some peace. xx

venus - thank you. I feel fantastic at the moment, off the horrid meds now that made me so messy. Thank Jeff they are almost out of my system.....

JWN - massive hugs to you. Yes, I guess that clouds will arrive and I know that you, of all people, are now strong enough to sweep them away xx

Obrigada - massive hugs to you sweetheart xx

Right, I'm off to entertain. Will pop in tomorrow.

Lots of love to you all xx

Enjoy your evening Mouse and thanks for the hugs:)

Thanks everyone for all the messages. It's very helpful to have my hand held through this. Yes, coming out of the fog a bit today. Still a bit tired and headachy but nowhere near as bad. Craving carbs too, but I presume that's my body making up for the empty calories no longer coming from alcohol.

noteven The scary bit, I suppose, is that I've not given my body a proper rest from alcohol for a decade - sometimes drinking heavily, sometimes "cutting down", but never more than a couple of days off (very occasionally).

I so need to do this. My kids deserve to have one sober parent at least. Even if we are "high functioning" drinkers (I think that's the term).

hi all - just checking in to say I'm still here and am not drinking again today. Am working my way through all the back threads starting on thread one - scared of making a misplaced comment to one of you long-timers - so will be back in a few years' time...