Am I a big red flag?

[beatenbyayellowteacup]

I started dating a man around 7 weeks ago (internet dating). We hit it off instantly - our first proper date lasted 26 hours and we've been seeing each other twice a week ever since. He is great in many ways and we do get on really well, in general - but he has these concerns about me and seems to be banging on about them in an attempt to work out if I'm a good catch or not. We've had really serious conversations about the future and it hasn't felt particularly premature, although the "L" word has not been broached.

1. I have done coke in the past, and a little bit recently. He hates it and is concerned that I am not a stable person and under stress, will go on a bender. This used to be true of me but not any more. I've told him this but he's not convinced (nowadays I'm the most likely seen heading off to bed as soon as possible).

2 I am nearly 40 but don't have a property or any decent savings (to be fair, I started my career at 27 and have moved country around 9 years ago, and started from virtually nothing, and I am a little bit rubbish with money - but I have not intention of asking anyone else to bail me out. I have my own plans for a business/career development etc). I earn about a grand more than him.

He is concerned that I am going to want to take his money from him (he's worked hard and has his own lovely house all paid off) and has been questioning me quite intently. He made it clear that he thinks I'm irresponsible for not having sorted my money out. I have told him that I don't care about his money but he says he's seen it too many times with his friends being divorced and losing their personal savings etc. He's been quite harsh with me about this.

He's made it pretty clear that he wants kids (neither of us have any), and he doesn't want to waste a year trying to work out if it's going to work.

Should I bail and leave him or does he have a point? The issue is that I'm starting to think he's not going to be a very nice person over the long term, because he sees everything in black and white. He can be very kind (he cares for his elderly mother) but he can also be quite bitter and cynical about people.

But I also tend to run from relationships out of fear sometimes.

What do you make of this?

He wants to do drug tests on your hair? So he doesn't believe what you've already told him about when you last took drugs.As you say, WTF?
But I'm [shock[ at this too: "I think I'm going to use his tactics on him."
Why are you going to let him stick around that long? You've already wasted far more time on him than he deserves!

I haven't run a marathon so from that perspective I cannot make any comment but this man has whatever he has through honest toil and obviously wants to keep hold of it which you can hardly blame him. It's not a case of vauling people in monetary terms it is a case of an equal partnership coming together which is not the case here, she is intellectually his superior by all accounts and he has the material wealth. He wants to keep hold his house and he will be threatened by her intelligence it doesn't would like a match made in heaven.

I agree with the poster who used the phrase 'worthless piece of shit'

7 weeks and he's laying this shit on you? This should be the first flush of love etc...

I've been with my DP for 18 years and for some odd reason he thinks I'm great.

Bin him.

Yikes I'd not thought about how much access he could have to information regarding my life. Maybe it's best just to slink out quietly. I do really think he could get angry and nasty (not physically, he knows better), and I forgot about his access. He's actually a detective, so probably could cause me some damage.

Jacksmania I ran the FLM in 2007 and right at the end there was a man in a huge yellow foam teacup ahead of me. I battled to reach him, thought i had him, and then he slipped away from me right at mile 26. Thus - I was, in fact, beaten by a yellow teacup

I think slinking out quietly is your best bet .

And love the story behind the name .

Cheers buzzsore

Skelley I hate to labour the point but I genuinely have NO INTEREST in taking this man's money. I've already suggested a prenup. I am not materialistic, and I'd prefer to be pisspoor and happy than rich and lose any control over my life.

That's fair enough, but there are plenty who would.

My cousins ex for example made it clear she would cause him so much grief he gave her a £200k house to be shot of her, I doubt she's the only one of her kind.

But for their to be a prenup would imply a wedding which personally I think you'd be bloody crackers to consider.

Loving your name AND the explanation!

FFS, don't give this controlling, suspicious, judgemental crackpot another one of your precious minutes. I can see why his relationships never last.

Cut your losses and get back on the market, woman!

have you fucked him off yet ?

I'm genuinely touched by the really kind comments from everyone. Thank you!

No....he's at work. Should I call him? Text him? Wait for him to call?

if it were me ? (not telling you what to do)

call him

say you have two words to say

"fuck" and "off"

if he wishes to discuss it, you will give him two minutes of your time, to tell him why (to help him with future relationships)

after that, discussion is closed, and you will have no further contact

that is what I would do

but not when he is at work, obvs

I'm curious to see what other people say :) My personal feeling is that text dumping is horrid, but speaking on the phone is fine.

Please put your "eighth mile" head on - you do not have to explain or justify your decision in any way at all, you owe him nothing, you're entitled to make your own choices all by yourself with the assistance of a forum.

Speaking of forums, your descriptions of him reminded me about this delightful post

"She's probably not strong enough to withstand what I'm going to do to her"?

WTF??

That website is seriously nasty.

I am rather crap at this. He finishes at 10pm so I might just wait until tomorrow.

OK, good luck! I hope you'll update.

I know, it's a shocker, isn't it? Makes you wonder why men who hate women put so much effort into finding one ...

Inadequate is a good word.

But why hate women? Why?!! Is misogyny one of the last taboos? Because I've met quite a few in the last year or so, and they seem to be fairly unchallenged.

Just hope I'm strong enough and don't give in to thinking he's just being clumsy in his communication.

these twats often have mummy ishoos

not your problem to fix, though

btw, "hoping" you won't cave just isn't good enough

you have to be clear

otherwise you will be back here in a couple of months

Listen to aunty AF, OP

I agree about the mummy issues - startlingly relevant in this case, I should think. Nothing you can do about it. You deserve to be loved for all that you are, not used as a symbol for whatever unresolved issues someone has with their mother.

Use your running head, please!! Single-minded, focussed, confident, feet hitting the ground, mind on the finish line.

ha ! GB

Aunty Fucker is usually right in these situations

what a pity she wan't around when mini-AF was putting up with shit from these types of inadequate fuckwits

wasn't