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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - We're All Going On A Sober Holiday!

1000 replies

Mouseface · 12/07/2011 15:47

Hello, I'm Mouse Smile

Welcome to the Brave Babe's Bus. This is a bus full of drinkers old and new, sober and not, and those who are somewhere in between.

We are all at different levels of sober so you can bet that one of us has walked in your shoes.

If you want advice and support then you're in the right place.

Come take a seat or just lurk, we're happy to have you along for the ride. Smile

And here is a link to the last thread so you can catch up on the journey so far HERE

OP posts:
dementedma · 08/08/2011 20:52

hey 4c4good - hang in there.
I tried to go for a run tonight and it was rubbish, didn't even do 10 minutesSad. So the voice told me how rubbish I was and why bother even trying to be healthy and that I was a loser and why not go and get a bottle of wine etc etc. I had to go to the supermarket for bread and I walked round hearing the wine bottles calling me and actually muttering under my breath "no, I'm not drinking, no, I'm not drinking"
Anyway, I partly caved in and bought one bottle of beer only which I am drinking now and then will go to bed. I feel very melancholic. happy anniversary to me....

BBwannaB · 08/08/2011 21:09

Hi Ma, so sory you are feeling so low. Really well done on just the one beer, I know how hard it must be for you, especillay when you are having a shit day. Tomorrow is another day you know, keep on keeping on...

Fairenuff · 08/08/2011 21:16

That's a rotten way to celebrate 24 years of marriage Sad. If that was my DH he would be getting a kick up the arse from me, or did he have to work tonight? Maybe you could plan a time when you're both free to do something really nice together. Well done on resisting and telling that little voice to 'fuck the fuck off' as JWN would say. You are not a loser, you are having a rough day and drinking would not have changed that.

dementedma · 08/08/2011 21:54

fairenuff to be honest it's nothing to celebrate anyway. It's more honest this way then pretending to enjoy a meal we can't afford and then endure sex just for the sake of it. It's been pretty much dead in the water for ages so I'm not really pissed off about him not being here. I'm just being miserable for the sake of it really and wondering how many more years of this before I can be free. What a waste of so many years.

notevenamousie · 08/08/2011 22:10

ma I'm sorry you are so sad and struggling. I know you've said before your reasons to stay are greater than reasons to go. Is that still the case? Or are you ready to not waste any more years? I think you've done amazingly not to drink more tonight, I don't think I could do what you are doing. Your children sound an amazing credit to you.

4c4 welcome back, day 5 - so are you feeling a bit better physically? Starting to sleep and eat? It gets better, you know that yourself. Of course we're here for you.

legalalien thinking of you.

Night all. x

WannaBeABraveBabe · 09/08/2011 04:29

Morning all, a bit of a cloudy humid day here in Bangkok - still waiting for news about FIL from France. Its not sounding good, MIL says wait to hear more after scans today/tomorrow before making a final decision about when to come. He's no longer aware of who/where he is, so its not really about seeing him and being able to say a proper goodbye, but DH will still want to be there at the end, mainly for his DM.

Have developed a huge set of bruises from Sat night - the fight must have been much much worse than I remembered Sad

Golly - I think I;m the only MNetter here in Bangkok, so think people could probably fairly easily work out who I am. That's not a problem - I don't really mind - its more about not wanting these messages to be searchable under my normal NN. Will probably decloak (!) soon - its all a bit paranoid and silly really!

Ma - sorry to hear you are feeling so sad. Do you think its really "no way back" or is there any hope? If not, what's the healthier less stressful option for you, staying in the marriage or leaving? You sound so sad when you talk about wasted years.

No urge to drink last night. This weekend will be the test.

legalalien · 09/08/2011 08:52

Well, I don't have a hangover this morning, but if feels as though the whole city of london does Sad. glued to BBC news/ Sky news...

Wanna - thinking of you - its always times like these when living miles from family seems like it wasn't such a good idea. As others have said, doubtless the weekend will be the test. Can you take your DD away for the weekend even if your DH is not there?

Am dragging myself out for a morning run as who knows whether it will be safe to go out this afternoon?

Oh, and it goes without saying that I am not drinking today.....

Fairenuff · 09/08/2011 08:56

Morning Babes Smile

Hope you are all well and safe and not caught up in the rioting Shock. What is happening to our green and pleasant land?!!

I may not be around much for a while as I'm packing for our holidays and flying out tonight for a couple of weeks in the sun. Yay Smile

venusandmars · 09/08/2011 09:11

Have a great holiday fairenuff

4c4 hello, and welcome back.

ma Sad You know you shouldn't be living a life like this. Your dc3 should be living in a happier household than that. I've been there and got out, pm me if you want.

venusandmars · 09/08/2011 09:14

And reposting the link to the new thread. Only to be used when this thread is full up (about 14 posts left) Smile

WannaBeABraveBabe · 09/08/2011 09:31

fairenuff - have a fab holiday - hope its gorgeous and sunny for you.

legal - you're right, its really tough at times like this when you are far from family. My family come here a lot, but DH's parents didn't get the chance - FIL got sick pretty soon after we came over - DH has been dreaming about the day when his dad is well enough to visit Sad

I would take DD away on my own or with sister, but I have another confession, which is that I'm in a fair bit of physical pain after the shenanigans at the weekend and can't pick her up ATM. Black and blue all over, having to sleep sitting up because ribs hurt so much. I can't even remember exactly what happened. DH also covered in bruises but not as much as me. So am a bit worried about driving to the beach and then having a shit time because I can't swim (have stitches where I put my arm through a window). If DH goes away, I think a girls weekend at home with DD is probably better - Dh is the fun one when we're away, so I'm seeing girly things - maybe cinema, aquarium, take her shopping for some new toys to replace the ones I broke, do her nails for her, face painting - anything really to make it up to her.

DSis is here from tomorrow - she's a good egg but doesn't like swimming, so not one for the beach either - our plan had been to sneak off for massages whilst DH and DD did the beach thing

WannaBeABraveBabe · 09/08/2011 09:32

OMG - forgot to mention the riots - is everyone OK?

I can't believe it - looks surreal and hideous on the news.

Jugglingjemima · 09/08/2011 09:59

noteven; thanks for answering. I am not sure whether or not I would consider myself an alcoholic or not but I have been thinking about 'other substances' since you posted about diet coke. It was a complete coincidence that when I had my first 8 hours in isolation in hosp, that when they asked me the standard questions about meds, alcohol etc I was able to say that I was on nothing (except nicorette gum). Which was a nice answer. Obviously since then I have been, and still am on, quite heavy medication, internal and external. Which I have no problems at all with. Do you know the poster called Xenia? She says that she only drinks tap water, not tea, coffee, alcohol, diet coke, ribena. I really admire her for that. Someone told me that the most difficult substance to give up is sugar (and I would include diet coke in that, as a sugar substitute). I think that in some rehabs (the one I am thinking of describes itself as a 'therapeutic community') ban caffeine and sugar.

Do you (hive mind) think that it is ok to substitute one 'addiction' for another? I was/am quite happy to get 'addicted' to diet coke. I would really, really like to have a drink tonight. The only thing that is stopping me from popping a bottle in my shop is that I am on ABs and I think that alcohol impedes what they do. And that I am seeing the GP tomorrow and I can't tell him that I have had a drink. I sort of think that I should build on the fact that I haven't had a drink for over 3 weeks, but on the other hand, I really fancy one when I am of the ABs.

The dc are fine but they have gone for 3 days camping with both of my lovely sisters, which is a big treat for them. Both siss have taken annual leave to take them. My house is a total total shitheap. I couldn't do anything near water in the early weeks of this infection but I don't have any excuse whatsoever now. Practically the only cleaning I have done in the last 4 weeks has been chucking old diet coke down the loo, and it does not work as well as I have read about.

I am rambling, I know. It is just me and the dog. I don't know what to think about the ADs. I would be interested to hear what your GP says. I will ask mine about it tomorrow.

You sound so sure and strong, noteven, that I am turning over what you have said in my mind. I have never been on ADs. I have been given a book by Thomas Szasz, called 'The medicalisation of everyday life'. He has some stuff on youtube, if anyone is interested. As I understand it, AA is against any 'props'. Children do not need props like caffeine or anything else. It must all be acquired. I am probably overthinking but I have gone a bit monastic in the last month. The dc are fairly ok about it all, even though I did look fairly horrific; it was explained to them (rightly) as a variation of a bad case of chicken pox. It will just be one of their memories. Weird school hols this year for them.

I almost want the GP tomorrow to give me another weeks' worth of ABs to keep me away from wine for another week. If anyone has any advice, please advise me to get off my arse and clean the house before Friday. Hope that Silentcatastrophe is doing well with the not smoking. Love to all and this thread will probably have closed by the time I post this.

(Thanks again to Venus, esp for telling me that I was right to take 2 doses of the first batch of ABs on the first day. And, again, my boring repetition of gratitude to the NHS and all who staff her)

WannaBeABraveBabe · 09/08/2011 10:15

jemima - nice to hear from you again.

Re diet coke, I get through 2-3 cans a day on weekdays, starting with breakfast and going on to bedtime. Am I addicted? Probably. Is it something I feel able to give up right now? Hell no. Having said that, I gave up tea and coffee a few years ago and definitely feel better for it (as does my wallet, Starbucks is v.expensive here)

I know what you mean about props, but if I'm trying to stay away from one prop at a time, that's OK for me, and alcohol is the prop I need to kick away most urgently.

Already binned any narcotics

Then tackle the cigs (can't believe I'm still smoking)

Then finally the sugar

Maybe then the working like a loon prop

And finally the OCD

I've never been on ADs, but sometimes I think they might help me.

OK, so starting with the cleaning - I'm an inveterate list maker to break down big jobs into a series of smaller ones. So start with the worst room - list out 5 things you need to do there (eg kitchen - 1. throw away all old food in fridge/freezer, 2. clean fridge, 3. defrost freezer etc), and tick them off as you go (don't do more than 5 at a time, it makes the task seem daunting). When you get to the end of the 5, do the next 5 - same room if needed, but if room is now acceptable and another room is now in a worse state, move onto that room.

And don't use diet coke in the toilet - Domestos works better!

venusandmars · 09/08/2011 11:00

Hmmm, some interesting questions / thoughts on here this morning. I take a very pragmatic approach - is whatever you are taking doing you harm? And then deal with it in a way that is proportionate to the amount of harm it is doing you.

For example, years ago I used to drink loads of coffee. I got lots of stomach problems and the doc suggested that I cut out caffeine. Wow did I have headaches!! So I cut it out, except for the first cup of coffee in the morning. I now find that I'm very sensitive to caffeine, and can't drink coffee after about 2pm without it affecting my sleep. Although I still feel a bit droopy if I don't have that first cup. So my routine / habit / addiction is to have one cup of coffee in the morning, and I don't like it if I don't get it. But I don't think that's going to do me any significant harm.

Or another example, I'm not a big coke drinker, but just occasionally I get a craving for one, and I feel like that craving won't go away until I have one. So I have one, and that's it. Over. Maybe don't want another one for 6 months. Again it's not going to do me any harm.

With alcohol, I was very different. Having one doesn't make the craving go away. Having one makes me want another one.

venusandmars · 09/08/2011 11:17

On the 'medicalisation of everyday life'. I tend towards non-intervention. I'd rather eat a balanced diet than stuff myself with vitamins and supplements. If I've got a cold, I'll wrap up warm and have hot drinks and paracetamol.

Sometimes the circumstances of life get me down, maybe it's something I can do something about, maybe not. Sometimes I can change the way I think about something, so it doesn't trouble me as much. Sometimes, I just feel a bit blue. I'd rather have a 'duvet day' or go for a melancholy walk on the beach, than go to the doc.

But. If I've got tonsilitis or sinusitis - I'll take antibiotics. If I had clinical depression, I'd seek ADs and CBT and.... whatever.

obrigada · 09/08/2011 15:41

Afternoon all, back at work today, but it has taken me this long to read through all the posts. Very quiet on here this afternoon Hmm

thursomuchtolookforwardto · 09/08/2011 17:51

Hello!

I feel very bad that I can't post long enough to acknowledge and talk to each one of you. I hope that you will forgive me, and that I can still have a seat on the bus next week.

Wannabe Hi, you have come to just the right place Smile, whatever you have done in the past, is in the past, and you can repair it. Tackle the alchohol first (as Mif says, tackle what will kill you fastest, sorry if I've mis-quoted). Take care.

Mrs Mousie Mouseface, I hope you are feeling better, I have no words of wisdom for you, because you know, bless you. xxxx

Dc1 got home in time for his Birthday, but Gf's Dad died in early hours of the morning, so it was a very subdued day. I think he is trying to come to terms with it all, as he didn't think it would have been so soon, or he would have stayed there.

Dc2 gone up to London this afternoon for a few days work experience (horror emoticon), but Dh has gone with him to pace the journey, as we didn't know what he would find in the centre tonight.

Sending my love to all xxx

P.s Ma sending hugs xxxx

swallowedAfly · 09/08/2011 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Mouseface · 09/08/2011 18:42

Evening Brave Babes Smile

We've been to a gorgeous little secluded beach today, tucked out of the way. Sand and sea and not much else.

Nemo had nothing but a t-shirt on, flashing his peachy bottom to all and sundry! Grin He had a fab time again, digging in the sand, sand castles galore!

DD went in the sea with her face mask declaring that there was 'nowt in it but rocks' in a real Kevin The Teenager style.

DH went off in his wet suit fooled into a swim by DD's friend telling him that it was lovely and warm. Far from warm, just above zero I'd say!

Well, last night I drank again, not too much, DH stopped me. This morning I found more bruises, really big black bruises on the back of my legs and shoulder. I have NO idea how they got there but DH assures me I wasn't drunk and I didn't fall into anything.

thurso - I'm so sorry to hear about DS1's GF's dad Sad he must feel so bad that he wasn't there for her. xx

Ma - how did DD get on with the au pair family? And you? Did you both like them?

Sorry, not really caught up but I can imagine you are all being well looked after by one another. xx

OP posts:
BBwannaB · 09/08/2011 18:45

Hi SAF bloody well done on both counts, you have made great, healthy choices.
Thurso my DC1 is living/working in London, working central and living in one of the seedier areas, but has sensibly decided to stay with a friend in a safer spot for now. In this case we could really do with a few days of torrential rain over the city to cool off the enthusiasm for rioting.

BBwannaB · 09/08/2011 19:01

this could be my chance...

BBwannaB · 09/08/2011 19:01

...to fill up...

BBwannaB · 09/08/2011 19:01

...this thread...

BBwannaB · 09/08/2011 19:02

...see you on the new one Grin

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