The Brave Babes Battle Bus - We're All Going On A Sober Holiday!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babe's Bus. This is a bus full of drinkers old and new, sober and not, and those who are somewhere in between.

We are all at different levels of sober so you can bet that one of us has walked in your shoes.

If you want advice and support then you're in the right place.

Come take a seat or just lurk, we're happy to have you along for the ride.

And here is a link to the last thread so you can catch up on the journey so far HERE

Its 2.24 here - I think its a 6-hour time difference until the clocks go back in the UK in the autumn when it becomes a 7-hour time difference - we have no DST over here.

Faire - you are right, its no treat at all. Same as there's generally no occassion at all that warrants such HUGE overindulgence - all these words that make it sound nice (indulgence, treat, special) when its not nice at all.

OK, I need lovely non-alcoholic cocktail recipes - the lime/soda thing sounds lovely. We have an abundance of beautiful, extremely cheap fruits here, so will google some recipes that use some of them - maybe pomelo (like a grapfruit crossed with an orange, sweet, tart and peppery all at the same time). I think I'd like to keep the ritual going (sorry, saf - yes, its a Fri, Sat, Sun thing - weekdays are more of a rush to get everything done so no time for the ritual!), but you're right, if it makes me want to drink, I'll have to find a new one.

I actually remember JWN's first thread - I read it at the time, and regularly saw the battle bus on the relationships board - I haven't read all the threads, but in my heart, I think I knew I would need you all one day, because I used to dip in every now and again. JWN - me and alcohol have ruined my life - is exactly how I feel right now. Good advice to read them all, will do that.

I also came across MIFLAW on an AA as a cult thread - both of us arguing the same point - so already have respect there. Is MIFLAW a guy???? I haven't realised that until I read another thread earlier today.

This weekend I've just booked going to the beach - great idea, thank you. Wine is hideously expensive here, so we never really drink it from hotels, take it with us instead (makes it 15 pounds a bottle instead of 30!). So this time we just won't take any with us. Plus big sis is stopping over on her way back from hols, and she's not really a drinker, so having her around will help.

I need to focus on the good and the exciting as per saf's advice. So good things:

We will be richer. Lots richer - at least 50 quid a week. That's a whole heap of new shoes by the end of the year

I will be slimmer. Which means I can fit into a lot of clothes that are tight at the moment.

I will be nicer. I'm an argumentative arse when drunk.

What else???

Christ - I also seem to be suffering from long-post syndrome - need to be faster/shorter!

legal - I think the fact that none of us really knows what we're talking about may actually help me - i tend to rail against authority a bit when it comes to drinking (I know, I know) so the all in this together thing is good for me!!!!

Detox - v fashionable in Thailand, will use that as an excuse. And everyone will buy the diet excuse - they can see how much weight I've put on.

Don't think my husband will share - he still thinks big boys don't develop alcohol issues and will look down on him. So he'll have to be detoxing/dieting as well!

Also, how do you handle having friends over for dinner? Have a dry house (I think we would have no friends left)? Or serve them alcohol and throw away anything left (which may require more strength than I have ATM)? And what about cooking with alcohol and the leftover booze (I can't even trust myself not to drink cooking sherry)

saf - gosh, I can't remember what feeling dignified in a social situation is like. I have a sneaky feeling that some of my friends here will guess the truth when I say I;m detoxing because they've all seen me make a total fool of myself.

I always assumed MIFLAW's name was a Shania Twain reference. Am I right?

Wanna - was going to mention about the money - you will save a small fortune!

Another thing- you will have more quality time to spend with your DD as you will not be hung over in the morning (not trying to guilt trip you, but I have definitely been less short tempered in the morning in recent days). Plus you will be setting a better example for her a to what a healthy relationship with alcohol looks like in the medium term.

I bet at least some of your friends would like to cut down too.

and one more practical suggestion- maybe decide in advance to go for options such as green tea if you're eating out and having Asian food? It's much less of a statement than going for a non-alcoholic cocktail and great for quenching thirst!

legal - i think you might be right and I am just being a bit dense!

I'll hopefully be less dense as will be killing fewer brain cells.

I'm not even supposed to be drinking at all at the moment - have some health issues (not drink related) and am having treatment for that, which is definitely not compatible with booze. So there's another upside - my treatment has greater chance of success and I will be healthier all over.

God, I'm such a fuckwit - major illness and yet I still didn't stop drinking.

It was the look on DDs face - I never ever ever want her to look at me like that again.

No dinner parties, no problem. Fucking hate people invading my space, anyway!

lots of great cross-posting going on here!

Re your friends guessing the truth, the attitude I'm taking to that is "so what". If you're that dreadful when drunk then surely they'll think it's a good thing,and if they don't there's something wrong with them. Undoubtedly some of my friends will have their suspicions (am sure DH must as we haven't discussed it). But if it did come up I'm more than happy to admit that I feel I've been drinking too much and am trying to seriously cut back, and finding it much harder than I'd like to. Where's the shame in that?

(Probably worth mentioning here that I had an eating disorder from my mid teens until my early 20s and was very secretive about that, until I realised one day (speaking to someone who had a relative suffering from a similar disorder) that the only way to demystify and destigmatise these things is for people who have suffered from them to stand up and be open / honest about what happened to them. The same applies, in my view, to depression and other forms of mental illness. I may however be on a one person crusade.)

Wow Wanna £15-£30 a bottle?!! Think you will save more than £50 a week. You could make lots of fruit smoothies instead. Or sorbet, delicious!

I think you could have a dry house. Your friends won't mind having 'mocktails' instead with their meals, it's your company they've come for. If they want wine tell them to bring their own and take leftovers home. Or only invite those happy to not drink.

Remember not to think too far ahead though if you can help it.

I have to rush out but couldn't not post - wannabe welcome and what you have done doesn't shock me at all, you will not be judged here. This is how it works, isn't it - saf and legalalien please never discount the experience and message you have! WannaBe, you need every drink you've had. Guilt and remorse will just drive you back to another drink. You've admitted it's a problem and I think that's amazing, most people never get that far. I'll be back later but hopefully those with more sobriety than me will share their wisdom and I hope you stay with us.

Clearly not just each of you!

I think I will probably make life a lot easier for myself in the long run if I admit the truth in that kind of light and breezy way.

Its harder here because you don;t really have real friends - expat population is transient and friendships are easy come easy go - so I'm more scared than if it were my real friends from home.

Fuck it - at worst they all think I'm batshit crazy!

It was the look on DDs face - I never ever ever want her to look at me like that again.

That, Wanna is what you have to keep at the front of your mind. That is what will stop you when you feel the urge to have 'just one'.

expat population is transient and friendships are easy come easy go

This will make it easier for you to 're-invent' yourself. The new people will only know the new you. Happier, healthier, good, sober company

Hi,

A few things that spring into mind....

If you want to NOT drink, then don't leave it to chance. Plan in advance what you're going to drink when you're out (and have a back up drink to ask for, just in case they don't have your first choice). Make sure you always have lots of alternative drinks in the house, and lots of treats too, so that whatever craving comes at you can be addressed.

None of us would have sat in a house without any booze in it hoping that we'd get slightly drunk - the would be madness!! If we were hoping to get a bit drunk we'd have got a bottle of something (and probably a spare), we'd have made sure there were glasses to drink out of, and a corkscrew / bottle opener. We'd have planned travel arrangements to avoid driving (mostly ), we'd have tried to avoid an early morning train journey the morning-after-the-night-before. We were serious about getting it right. Be just as serious about getting your not-drinking right. It takes no more effort, just apply it in a different direction.

Hi venus - great advice, really helpful.

On my search for good non-alcohol cocktail recipes I found a couple of links:

ignore the alcoholic recipes on the site and stay only on the no alcohol pages

some of these sound delicious

About having people over for dinner - can be tricky, especially if you are part of a culture / group where that kind of thing happens. For me it hasn't been a big problem, mostly. But I will relate a couple of particular tales:

1. Not long after I first joined in here, we had friends over for dinner. I didn't want to say I wasn't drinking, so I had my glass filled with wine at the table, took it into the kitchen with me whenever I went to cook and poured it away. I think I posted something about becoming a secret non-drinker. It was OK for that one evening, but I think MIFLAW pointed out that it was a dangerous game, and i know that it would have been all too easy to have the first sip (and the next, and the next....). Now I find that people aren't really bothered whether I drink or not.

2. I find it much easier to host a dinner party when dp IS drinking. He had a period of not drinking, and it felt much more awkward then. We had 2 friends come to stay for a weekend, and in the end he joined them drinking wine at dinner time (although had nothing-and-tonic to start). Having a dry-house in that situation felt difficult for us. The following weekend we had several friends over, and that was easier - we allocated the wine responsibility to one of our guests, so we didn't have to choose, open or pour it, or notice when other people's glasses needed topping up.

3. I still cook with wine (I know that some people don't). But not as much as I used to - every risotto used to have wine in it, most dishes with mince too. T'was just an excuse to open a bottle when I was in the kitchen. Some recipes though I still cook with wine. But I buy those tiny bottles. So If it needs 100ml, that's what goes in, and I pour the remaining 75ml away. That is easier for me than dealing with a whole bottle.

There are definitely some recipes that need wine, but you're right, I used to use it more than I needed to really as an excuse. Has anyone tried cooking with dealcoholised wine? Any good?

I think I'll have to can dinner parties for a while - at least hosting. Eating out is more the thing here anyway, and in big groups, I reckon people won't notice, and if they do, I'll take saf's breezy approach.

BOING!!!! sorry, another post and run!

wanna - OMG!!! you sound like me!, lovely life, totally fucking it up for the sake of booze!! I PROMISE you can do this! if i can, anyone can! seriously, grab the advice on here by the balls, take it a day at a time, dont worry about tomorrow until tomorrow! understand totally about expat drinking too, but i agree with what someone else said, in this day and age people are far more likely to help and support if you say you are on a health kick, hte booze intake has got too much and your knocking it on the head! it would take some seriously thick git to try and undermine your sobriety!

I will mentally file the phrase thick git into my mind for use when appropriate!

Am also posting and running for a bit, home in time for dinner, bath time and bedtime with dd, where the only drink on offer is milk!

Will come back later after she's in bed, thanks guys for helping make today a little bit more bearable.

• if we're sharing recipes for things can I bore everyone with my favourite online recipe site?

Cuisine mag.

Wanna - will pop back later to see how you're going (it's Monday so you're fine, right?). Am having a decadent week this week as DS in holiday camp half the day, focussing on sorting stuff out, including my head! So am off to buy some sushi.

Now Babes I have some exciting news. I was sitting in a pub garden yesterday (long story) and I glanced down at the table and noticed a small carving in the wood. Three letters - JWN !!

Jesus, it seems your fame is spreading .

Morning Babes

Well, lovely holiday , really enjoying the peace and quiet here, it's bliss.

Welcome to wannabe - who in my mind is already a Brave Babe simply by posting on here. Well done for typing what you did, I imagine that must have hurt just as much, the reading it back bit, to when the realisation of what you did hit home.

It's done and as faire says, that is YOUR motivation to STOP drinking, isn't it?

I drank very heavily on Saturday night. Even after DH asked me to stop, saying he thought I'd had enough. So eventually I agree and we go to bed. Of course, I pass out to sleep within nano seconds of hitting the hay.

However, I clearly needed a wine fueled pee in the night so got up and went into the bathroom. I fell asleep on the toilet, fell off and smashed my head into the bath. I blacked out but have no idea for how long.

I bit into my tongue so have sores and bruises all over the front of it, hit my head so have a nice large lump there, banged the left side of my body as I landed on the stone floor so I'm black and blue all down one side and feel utterly twatish all because of it.

DH was nothing but perfect. Seriously, not one word. Just that look of 'look at the state of you' which kind of says it all. My own self pity and physical 'scars' were enough to speak a thousand words.

Stupid Mouse

So last night I drank but only 2 glasses of wine with my meal.

Today? Who knows.

Hello to all of the other wonderful Babes

I'm off to set up the new thread now with my head hung low. xx