The Brave Babes Battle Bus - We're All Going On A Sober Holiday!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babe's Bus. This is a bus full of drinkers old and new, sober and not, and those who are somewhere in between.

We are all at different levels of sober so you can bet that one of us has walked in your shoes.

If you want advice and support then you're in the right place.

Come take a seat or just lurk, we're happy to have you along for the ride.

And here is a link to the last thread so you can catch up on the journey so far HERE

"i feel like at present if i say i'm never going to drink i will drink stupid as it sounds. so for now i need something smaller than that but also need to make sure that doesn't spiral into drinking a few units most days."

I feel exactly the same. SaF, you are definitely right about the brain chemistry. After reading your post I forced myself to go for a half hour run (just got back), so you are being a good influence! I must have been going about twice my normal speed as I did my usual half hour route (about all I can do!) and got back in 20 mins. Halfway around two enormous west indian personal trainer type guys started clappiing me and one of them yelled out "you go, lady - you're doing the right thing" - which cheered me up enormously. (they were being nice, not nasty - really!)

morning!!

just a quick thought - i never say never, its too scary, too long, too final, just too much! - i just say

TODAY I WILL NOT BE DRINKING!

just today! far more bite size!

take care all!

L XXXXXXXXX

hi saf I am around for a bit. i drank again this weekend. not beating myself up about it. I realised I am feeling very low at the moment (I know that drinking won't help but..) so am really just aiming to keep functioning day to day. So right now I am not drinking. Just this hour. I think that is how I have to take things today. xx

hey all.
got home safely to distraught DC1 and dying cat. too late to do anything. buried the beast in the garden and tried to dry DC's tears. He was her cat and we had him for 14 years.
New diet and health regime starts tomorrow. Wish me luck.
Tomorrow is also my 24th wedding anniversary.....again, wish me luck!!

thanks saf - how are you feeling today?

I am working at the moment, which is good - keeps me busy and makes me feel less useless and more on top of things!

ma sorry I missed your post, really sorry about your cat. I hope DD is doing ok.

Good luck with the health regime and wedding anniversary...

saf sounds like a productive day - also sounds like you have been doing more thinking re DC2?

Hi Ma so sorry to hear about the cat and your poor DD.

There used to be an advert years ago with the catch-song 'you can do it, we can help'...
Obviously that refers to the diet and fitness regime, not the anniversary!!

I'm trying to diet as well, all the booze replacement chocolate bars have taken their toll. I have started on the Dukan diet and joined one of the Dukan threads in Fat/slim/whatever topic. If that group works as well as the brave babes I will be as svelte as a svelte thing soon

ma am so sorry to hear about your cat - sounds like he's been one of the family for a long time

msgee an hour at a time is hard. Keep going, it will get back to that day at a time place again.

thurso so glad you are getting DS home even if just for a bit

Hello to everyone else. I had a lovely weekend with my friend. Am feeling a bit confused, sigh, it seems to have become my usual way of being lately. This too will pass, right?

Checking namechange

Hello all - apologies for the namechange, I don't want anything I post on this thread to be searchable under my normal username. And apologies for the early morning post - I'm actually in Asia (if you figure out my normal name, please don't out me - am really not feeling all that brave at the moment) so the time difference is in play.

So I was wondering if there was room for one more on your lovely battle bus? I really could use some support, even if I don't have much to offer myself at the moment. And I promise as I get stronger on this journey, I'll offer some support in return - consider it a "fare in kind".

I have come to the realisation over this weekend that if I don't get control of my relationship with alcohol, I'm going to ruin my life and, even worse, the life of my beautiful DD. I never used to be a big drinker, but over the years, especially since moving abroad, my drinking has increased to what I now recognise as intolerable levels.

I am also married to an alcoholic - he conquered his demons years ago with the help of AA, but again, over the last few years, has moved away from abstinence to near-abstinence. The problem is that there's always a special occassion, and if there isn't one, we just invent one. I can't bear it when he drinks, I find it stressful worrying that he's not going to be able to stop, so that in turn tends to make me drink more (not blaming him, just explaining that somehow his drinking doesn't seem so bad if I'm a bit merry myself).

And the levels have just gone up and up and up - to the point where I now regularly can't remember the end of an evening, and wake up worried about what I've done the night before.

All of this came to a head this weekend when, after a lovely early evening BBQ with the parents of DDs friend, we overstayed our welcome getting pissed, came home and drank even more after DD was in bed, and then drank even more to the point where we fought, and I mean really really fought, physical, screaming, you name it, the works. DD of course woke up, and I'm so ashamed to say she saw some of it - she was I imagine really scared. She's only 3 and I hope the memory doesn't stay with her (please God, please, please, please), but I need her never ever to see that again, and I think for us, that means not drinking at all.

DH is going back to AA and abstinence - I was rather hoping that the Brave Babes may be able to help me instead (there's only one AA meet in English here, and DH is already going to that, so don't think I should also go.

Sorry for that essay, and I realise the post is shocking and probably makes you hate me for doing something like that to my DD.

Any words of advice?

BTW, when not drunk, I generally get on really well with DH, certainly within the bounds of a normal relationship.

Fuck, just read my post again, am almost crying with shame.

Funnily enough, I have a really good life - work too hard, but lucky to have a great job and rewarding career path, an amazing DD, nice trappings - no excuse at all for my behaviour. I should be happy

Welcome WannaBe and well done for posting. Please don't feel that anyone will be shocked or hate you for what your drinking has made you do. We are all here because we want to change.

The best advice I can give you is to make the decision that you are not going to drink today. Don't think any further than that.

Stock up on lots of lovely non-alcoholic drinks such as cola, lemonade, soda water, cordials, tea, hot chocolate, whatever you like. Also get some sugary treats such as cake, chocolate, biscuits etc. to help replace the sugar you may be used to.

Plan what you can do each day to keep busy, especially around the time when you might normally otherwise drink. Do something completely different so if you would normally sit down with a drink in the evening, go out to an exercise class, evening class, walk etc.

Keep looking for support in your area and keep posting on here .

There will be lots more advice for you from the other Babes later.

Fairenuff - now I really am crying, which is not good because I'm at work.

Thank you so much for replying, it means the absolute world to me to know that I don't have to do this on my own.

The funny think is drink isn't even an every night thing for me - happy to have none at all for the week. Its the end of the week treat thing, and the out at friends or for dinner thing. Plus social occasions here are really badly centred around alcohol - very little takes place (even kids parties) without a shedload of booze.

And the problem is once I start, I just can't stop - I can admit to only drinking when I want to get pissed. Which is why I don't drink in the week - work and all that. But roll on the weekend, and I'm hurting in the kidneys from drinking so much, blacking out etc.

So today I will not drink! But I also do need to say to myself, this week I will not drink.

Will stop on the way home at Tescos (yes, even here!) to stock up - thank you for the suggestions. In need no excuse to eat cake and chocolate!

We have a habit of opening the wine once DD has gone to bed - its become a little ritual to watch the lights go on across Bangkok on the balcony having a glass (the first of many - we've started getting through a whole winebox in a night). And I still like that space - early evening head clearing. Would it be foolish to carry on the ritual but maybe with a beautiful alcohol-free cocktail? Or should we move away from repeating things we associate with alcolhol?

WannaBe

Its the end of the week treat thing

It's not a treat though is it? You know you can't just have one or two drinks, so you get drunk, poison your body and feel awful the next day. I would hardly call it a 'treat'. It's an illusion that many of us here suffer from I'm afraid and understanding that that's all it is is really helpful if you want to stop it.

I had several drinks yesterday (which I had planned to do) and I just kept waiting for them to taste 'marvellous' and made me feel 'wonderful' but it didn't happen. I honestly get more pleasure from a tall glass, full of ice, with fizzy soda water, a dash of lime and slice of lemon. It's so refreshing and doesn't make me behave like an arse

I think it would be OK to carry on watching the lights over Bangkok (sounds wonderful btw am very ). Several posters here used to drink wine whilst cooking dinner and have just swapped to non-alkie drink, but if you try it and it makes you tempted then I would suggest changing the routine for now.

What time is it where you are now? It's 8.15 here which is early for most of us Babes but I was up needing water because I got dehydrated yesterday dammit!!!

You really need MIFLAW's words of wisdom.

Have you read back through the threads? There's loads of advice on there. If you can find JWN's original post (follow the threads all the way back) you will find it very inspirational.

MIFLAW are you around?

Oh, sorry Saf x posted there. Morning.

Hi Wanna and welcome to the bus (feel a bit forward saying this as have only been on it for a week!)

Shocked? Not in the slightest. I am a veteran of the "work hard, play hard" law firm culture, and although I haven't done the Asian tour I have a pretty good idea from friends what the drinking culture is like. Am still recovering from a visit to the Hong Kong sevens in 2004.

My problem's slightly different from yours in that I'm trying to drop the every day, at home by myself, quaff a bottle of white wine habit (I'm not working at the moment - when I was this was less of an issue).

Seems to me you need a two pronged approach: (i) to stop the wine box on the balcony with DH thing, which if he's given up alcohol is probably going to be assisted by not having a wine box in the house and having plenty of nice non-alcoholic stuff on hand - i do think this will help although I am heartily sick of nettle cordial (am moving on to ginger today - oh, the excitement!); and (ii) to work out how to address the out with friends thing. Has your DH admitted to people that he's on the wagon? If so, surely this would make it bit easier as you can cry off the alcohol on the basis that you are supporting him? I'd like to think that you could just tell friends you were cutting down and they would be supportive but I think this would be unrealistic. For myself, once I have one drink I just keep going and going, so the best advice I can give is not to start - but this is a tricky one when, as you say, social life revolves around drink.

Caveat: I have no real idea what I'm talking about - hopefully someone more knowledgeable will be coming along soon....

Good point Saf and legal about finding something else to do to avoid social situations. You could just say you are both dieting and/or detoxing for a better, healthier lifestyle. I don't think it's unusual for people to do this now and again even if they are not heavy drinkers (or should I say especially if they are not). But you will have to hide the kitkats if friend come over

Meditation, relaxation or exercise is also good for the soul as well as the body.