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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - We're All Going On A Sober Holiday!

1000 replies

Mouseface · 12/07/2011 15:47

Hello, I'm Mouse Smile

Welcome to the Brave Babe's Bus. This is a bus full of drinkers old and new, sober and not, and those who are somewhere in between.

We are all at different levels of sober so you can bet that one of us has walked in your shoes.

If you want advice and support then you're in the right place.

Come take a seat or just lurk, we're happy to have you along for the ride. Smile

And here is a link to the last thread so you can catch up on the journey so far HERE

OP posts:
Mouseface · 08/08/2011 12:21

NEW THREAD HERE

Please fill this one up first so that no-one gets left behind.

Thanks xx

OP posts:
dementedma · 08/08/2011 12:59

oh mouse are you ok now?

wannabe a belated welcome from this serial offender. I am on Day 1 again and will not be drinking, just for today. I will deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.
24th wedding anniversay but DH has chosen to work an extra shift and will not be in until midnightConfused. Whatever!
Thurso indie silver venus - are you all doing ok?

MIFLAW · 08/08/2011 13:30

Did someone call? Sorry, not at work today so losing the internet less (!)

Yes, my name is a Shania Twain reference. I first came to Mumsnet for the bilingualism thread and I felt a bit of an oddity because I was a man on a majority-female site. So I was called ManIFeelLikeAWoman. When other people replied they couldn't be bothered to type it out in full and called me MIFLAW. So I thought I'd join them!

WannaBeABraveBabe · 08/08/2011 13:32

Mouse, I feel like I know you because you're at the top of every thread. So. Hope you don't mind a hug and a cup of sweet tea coming your way from me.

It's Monday so always a sober night, but just had the call to say fil is on a rapidly descending slope, he has brain cancer and today stopped talking or being able to walk. A real stress point, but dh is holding it together.

So I think he may have to head home and leave us in Thailand this weekend.

Fairenuff · 08/08/2011 13:34

MIFLAW Wannabe was after some advice as her DH is going to AA but there's only one meeting so she doesn't want to go as well. She's come here to look for support.

Jugglingjemima · 08/08/2011 13:54

noteven I drink loads of diet coke. I have never seen it as a problem. I don't understand why it could be any sort of problem. I am a bit like you in that I always have to have some in the house, but I keep crates of cans. I like the fizz when I open them. I always keep two in the fridge and rather religiously replace one when I take one out. If I don't finish one then I pour them down the loo, which cleans the loo! I don't have a freezer compartment in my fridge so I foolishly recently put one in the freezer and forgot about it and it burst open (don't do that) but that is my only problem with diet coke. I don't understand the problem with diet coke at all and I endorse what Venus and JWN have said. It is certainly not good for me, but it is not really bad for me; better than wine!

Re Anti-depressants; I think you have to tell your GP about this, and discuss it with him/her. I know that GPs are generalists (wrong word?) but they do about 7 years of training. I also think (but tell me if I am wrong) that ADs take a few weeks to kick in, so surely they take a few weeks to kick out? Please talk to your GP or another trained medic before you make any decision. Please don't do anything without talking to someone who really knows about this. If your sponsor is a doctor, or knows about pharmacology then perhaps you could get them to write down the reasons why you should change your medication?

All I am miles better. I am going back to my GP on Wednesday to see if I need any more ABs. (flucloxacillin) I have been on a stronger dose for the last fortnight, and dermol lotion. The swelling in my right lower leg has gone right down; still red, but not elephantine. Left foot was always okayish, so have a comparison. My hands are ok; just look like I had bad sunburn a week ago. Actually, considering that I needed both hands to even pick up a can of diet coke a fortnight ago, I am fully recovered. Venus thanks so much for your advice and support. I can't believe that I am marvelling at my ability to do the actions to 'Peter Pointer, Peter Pointer, where are you?' (And yet, again, my admiration and gratitude to the NHS, and all who work for it).

Jugglingjemima · 08/08/2011 13:56

(Forgot to say that I am not drinking, but I have to put that down to being too scared of the infection and the ABs. Not smoking except this w/e when I went to a party and sponged a couple of roll ups. Otherwise chewing nicorettes)

WannaBeABraveBabe · 08/08/2011 14:40

Checking out for the night, but wanted to say thank you to each and every one of the brave babes for being here for me today. Will be back in the am

swallowedAfly · 08/08/2011 15:04

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Fairenuff · 08/08/2011 15:08

Enjoy your walk Saf. Good idea to leave the purse at home.

swallowedAfly · 08/08/2011 15:09

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GollyHolightly · 08/08/2011 15:11

OMG, I never knew that MIFLAW was a shania twain reference Grin I wondered if it were some kind of warped MILF thing Hmm

Anyway, massive welcome to Wannabe I've seen a poster round and about mention that they lived in Bangkok but I can't remember who and it really doesn't matter. Welcome, and well done on climbing aboard. If you're mostly a weekend drinker than I would recommend lots of posting here when the time comes (not to say that you shouldn't in the meantime!). I'm not really one for replacing alcohol with non-alcohol drinks, I prefer a nice cup of tea Brew Mint tea, if it's past 9pm otherwise I don't sleep.

I had a fab weekend with a spa day (gym, pool, jacuzzi, steamroom, sauna, pool, jacuzzi) followed by afternoon tea, which was essentially a tower of cakes at one of the posh hotels in town. There was champagne but I let my friend drink my share without any jealousy or desire for it myself .

Spent yesterday afternoon discussing with my sponsor who I need to do my step 9s to, which I'm actually quite looking forward to. I did one last weekend when my brother was staying. He lives 350 miles away so I needed to do it whilst he was here so I could do it face to face and although I felt very wobbly opening my mouth, I can't tell you how positive the effects have been already. I'm nervous about the others but I'm looking forward to getting them done. Mostly I'm scared about doing it with dh, because of all of them that's the one that is going to get the least positive response because I suppose I hurt him the most Sad. I'm going to have to choose my moment carefully, and it's likely that I'll wait until our holiday in a couple of weeks time.

Mouseface ouchie! I hope the injuries heal quickly x I used to suffer from UDIs (unidentified drinking injuries) a lot. I'm quite glad I don't remember how most of them occurred now as I'd probably never live down the shame Blush

GollyHolightly · 08/08/2011 15:13

Leaving your purse behind is a great plan. I've done it myself several times, including going to a meeting with just a quid in my pocket so I can't be tempted to stop at the offie on the way home Blush lol Grin

swallowedAfly · 08/08/2011 15:25

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notevenamousie · 08/08/2011 17:33

Golly I do that often - bus pass, housekeys, pound for the pot, maybe my phone. It works for me - it's saved me more than once. Also, that's great about your steps. I think my sponsor takes it slower, which is fine with me, but that line in I think chapter 6 about step 9 "we will be in a place of neutrality with respect to alcohol" - I am so impatient for that feeling. (Actually, I'm impatient for lots of things - typical alcoholic really! - but that one is often on my mind)

saf hope it works for you. You can always come and check in here when you're home. For me, drinking when I was out with DD, either at lunchtime or evening, and though it was rare for me, has been one of those things that convinced me that the 'unacceptable' had become 'acceptable'. I thought society was wrong, but it turned out that I had a problem. If I hadn't, I doubt I'd have been wondering what others thought.

Mouse could that have been your convincer? Or do you still need more. If it means you have learned, then that night was not at all wasted, and those drinks were necessary. You don't need to hang your head low, you really don't. You are a lovely lady, and you have a problem. You are not bad or terrible or anything you might think of yourself. But you've said it yourself, you have to be ready, and as you well know, I needed kicking again and again for months before I was ready, if I even am now, so you will never get any judgement from me.

WannaBe I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL, and I guess being isolated there with your DH at home is going to be tough - remember we are here, across the ether.
I don't cook with alcohol and have found I can't even comfortably drink even water out of a wine glass. It sets my head off. I can't remember who said it here recently that it's not so much how much you drink but what it does to your mind that's the problem. Wine glasses set my head off, as at times, still, does being around alcohol (and I certainly couldn't go on holiday yet!) but I anticipate that changing because everyone with longer sobriety than me says it does! I had risotto with no alcohol in it on Saturday and it was lovely - similarly, my lasagne (etc) doesn't seem to have suffered. But I often like to think of all the little issues to avoid the bigger issues, and I still do it.

Jemima glad you are better. I don't know if you are in AA/ have ever been/ would consider yourself an alcoholic so the issues - and they are for me, I don't want anyone else to think I am making any sort of blanket statements, I was just thinking aloud the other day when I mentioned this - that I am thinking about may be irrelevant or mad to you.

I used alcohol to change the way I felt, because I couldn't cope with normal life. I have tried to use things, and people, to fix me, rather than looking at me. If I stop drinking, and there is no alcohol in my system at all - which there isn't - does that make me fixed, cured, problem solved? For me, it doesn't seem like it, because it's me, not the alcohol, that has the problem. The solution, for me, is in the AA programme. But I'll never be able to change the way I think if I hang on to my old ways of thinking - using caffeine, or medication, or even sex/ exercise/ work/ sugar/ etc., to change the way I feel and fix myself. I am learning slowly to see the difference between my needs - which are always met - and my wants - which are never satisfied. I am not sure which category my antidepressants are in, the only way to know is to try and withdraw them, and if it's disastrous, then I have my answer. Diet coke is definitely a want though.

I will stop there in case this is irrelevant and unhelpful for everyone else, it was peripheral ponderings, not vital stuff - the most important job for me today is to put my head on the pillow tonight sober and it's looking good so far. Apologies for the essay and big big apologies if I've not been helpful.

swallowedAfly · 08/08/2011 17:40

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talldrinkofwater · 08/08/2011 19:01

demented happy anniversary, sorry your DH is working rather than celebrating with you Sad.

mouse very gentle hello, feeling twattish with a UDI (never heard anyone else use that one) is misery compounded.

saf well done on getting home safe. I don't think we've 'met' but am struggling thus evening not to go out to buy wine and reading your post has helped me brace my shoulders and -at least- put it off fir a bit.

Hello to everyone else, sorry haven't been around.

Fairenuff · 08/08/2011 19:25

tall have you heard of HALT? Just check are you hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Sorry if you know this already but thought it might be worth having a meal or snack or whatever and wait for the feeling to pass. If you can get through the next hour or so you may feel differently. How about a long soak in the bath, chat on the phone? Have you any other plans for this evening?

talldrinkofwater · 08/08/2011 19:47

Thanks Faire, you're right. Certainly tired, although I think for me the H and A are more often habit and association. Have got DCs to bed and now cooking with a large iced glass of posh squash and fizzy water.

swallowedAfly · 08/08/2011 19:52

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4c4good · 08/08/2011 19:56

Am back on the bus after a very heavy few weeks of escalating drinking, increasing paranoia and near inability to function.

So back. Day 5. Good solid day's work and sensible dinner with a treat for pudding.

I need your support Babes. Please.

legalalien · 08/08/2011 20:04

Hi there- am a newbie so missed the back story but supportive thoughts in your general direction! Feeling very low today so have had a bath and donned my pjs - no alcohol though! Anxiously watching riots in tv - not far away.....

BBwannaB · 08/08/2011 20:42

Hi 4C I will be around for a while this evening. What has been happening to make you feel so bad? Great work to get to day 5!

Legal PJs is a good plan, the riots must be very unsettling, stay safe indoors and chat.

talldrinkofwater · 08/08/2011 20:44

4c4 well done on day 5. You're doing really well to be pulling things round if you've had such a rough few weeks. I'm sorry, I haven't been posting much recently so am a bit out of touch, but do you have some support in RL?

It's day 9 for me after spoiling my DSs 4th birthday for myself last week with a terrible hangover, after drinking a bottle of cava and a bottle of red in just over an hour the night before.

talldrinkofwater · 08/08/2011 20:46

Sorry, meant to add legal - just been watching news, sorry you're so near to it.

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