Please respond, don't know what to do about this.

[marmajam]

Namechanged.
It is with a heavy heart that I say the following, but I really need advice.
Things have not been right between dh and myself for a while (no dc's as yet).
I realise that my behaviour has not been exactly great, but I am questioning what happened last night.
Trying to be as neutral as I can.
Dh has been trying to talk to me about the state of our relationship for days, he had a bit too much to drink and sat next to me on sofa. He tried to get me to converse with him, I would not. He kept going on and on. So I raised my right hand (he was to the right of me) as if to say 'enough'. I was in a bit of a temper myself, I admit as I was sick of him going on. He grabbed it and proceeded to hit himself across the face with it, saying' You are hurting me everyday like this'. He then let go of my hand and smashed a glass against his forehead. I just got up and left the room and stayed there until now.
Please I am not out for sensationalism and not a troll.
He has always had a hot temper but has not laid a finger on me before. I have been with him for 14 years. I feel a corner has been turned here. Please help.

I'm sorry if you do NOT believe that it is OK for a man to inflict violence on a woman, but that is the message I am getting from you in your post. That is how I interpret it. That is, I pissed him off so I deserved the violence. Can't really interpret it any other way, I'm afraid.

Oh god, I thought I had left this thread. Thank you, Dittany. You see although I am a believer of the old 'six of one half dozen of the other' argument in a lot of relationships, they are NOT the ones that include violence. Because violence is not excusable.
OK, if I had been attacking him and he pushed me off and I hurt myself, maybe then self-defence would have been a valid excuse, it was not like that, though.

I am glad I have namechanged, because some of the posts on this thread would give my dh carte blanche to physically hurt me further. They really would. I will leave now.

"but if your dp/dh took YOUR hand, battered himself with it leaving you in pain and smashed a glass against his head would you just think 'fair enough' and leave it go?"

No. I think I would be very concerned for his state of mind and for my own safety. But from your OP alone it seemed that he was very distressed, you were being uncommunicative and he was acting out of desperation. Later posts still make me think he's in a bad way but it doesn't seem there is much you can do about it. Only you can know what you want to happen. rom your posts it seems you have already reached the end of the road.

How are you maramjam? Where is DH? DO you feel safe?

I apologise sincerely for misreading - your OP gave a very different feel to later posts.

im always reading on mn how a lot of women feel when their partners clam up and refuse to take. its frustrating we all know that.

I am OK thank you. He is out of the house. I feel safe for now.
I agree that it is frustrating for women when their partners refuse to talk, but as I said previously, I doubt very much that these women respond by doing what my dh did. Yes, they may shout and slam doors but that is normal.
I like to think that some of the posters here got a bit carried away about the stonewalling part and just did not give thought to how unreasonable my dh's response was.
I've got to leave this thread now. I've nothing left to say.

You say that you feel safe now as he is out of the house yet on your orginal post when this started you never indicated any fear of him,

Has anything happenened since friday to make you feel this way?

Good luck, marmajam :) Stay cool and keep going! I wish you a very happy leaving.

marmajam
re the stonewalling - for people who've actually experienced it within the context of an abusive relationship as a long-term technique that was used in a calculated manner in order to make the stonewalled person question their sanity, then smashing a glass on your head suddenly doesn't seem like an unreasonable response. Well still an unreasonable response but not a surprising one. dh's stonewalling was part of his manipulative behaviour which left me feeling almost completely destroyed. So when someone has experienced that, and felt that desperation and frustration it's natural to think back to your own dreadful experience and assume that your DH is being abused. I think that's the reason for all the negative responses. BUT i cannot judge that this is what is going on in your relationship and I don't suggest it is, but reading your original post brought those feelings back for me and rightly or wrongly my first sympathies were with him.

I am so sorry you're going through this. it sounds utterly dreadful.

I didn't realise that... I was responding to the original post... now I've read more answers, I see its been added to quite alot by the originator.. very hard to keep up with this one... but I stand by my statement... you don't glass yourself if your happy & calm... & enjoying contacting other women... this man is disturbed big time.

the previous post was in response to dittany's post at11.32.24

i dont think slamming doors and shouting should be classed as normal behaviour, it can be abusive