Please respond, don't know what to do about this.

[marmajam]

Namechanged.
It is with a heavy heart that I say the following, but I really need advice.
Things have not been right between dh and myself for a while (no dc's as yet).
I realise that my behaviour has not been exactly great, but I am questioning what happened last night.
Trying to be as neutral as I can.
Dh has been trying to talk to me about the state of our relationship for days, he had a bit too much to drink and sat next to me on sofa. He tried to get me to converse with him, I would not. He kept going on and on. So I raised my right hand (he was to the right of me) as if to say 'enough'. I was in a bit of a temper myself, I admit as I was sick of him going on. He grabbed it and proceeded to hit himself across the face with it, saying' You are hurting me everyday like this'. He then let go of my hand and smashed a glass against his forehead. I just got up and left the room and stayed there until now.
Please I am not out for sensationalism and not a troll.
He has always had a hot temper but has not laid a finger on me before. I have been with him for 14 years. I feel a corner has been turned here. Please help.

It sounds like you're trying to make sense of your DH's hitting his own face. None of us can diagnose what one action on his part means. Really, only he has the answer to that.

Can you put that to the side for now, and consider your own feelings? How do you feel about yourself, your career, your marriage? Do you want help?

I am sorry that he hurt your arm, truly, and I bet he is gutted about that too.

I know it's never right to grab you like that. But the underlying issue is about your apparent depression and lack of engagement with him, your relationship and life.

You need to deal with that for yourself if not for him.

You're focusing on what he's done wrong as it's easier than trying to deal with what you've been doing wrong in the relationship.

I'm not saying you're doing this and CERTAINLY not on purpose, but stonewallers will drive people to rash actions and then say 'ha see, you're not right in the head, you're the one with a problem and you're abusing me'.

You could be on a slippery slope to that if you don't try and get to a doctor and start TALKING about your problems.

Sorry marmajam. It is totally unacceptable, what he did, yes.

What do you want to happen from here? Do you want to end the relationship?

If he's been controlling or emotionally abusive in the past, perhaps this could be an escalation(?) and be part of why your mood has been so low generally(?)

I do think you should also get some support through your gp for your depression, as it will help you see a way forward, whether through ending the relationship or something else.

I don't think he intended to hurt you. Having a hand held in his face when he was trying to talk tipped him over the edge and instead of aiming his anger at you, he aimed it at himself but unintentionally hurt your arm. He must have been boiling with anger to smash a glass on himself, but his physical response wasn't aimed at you.

I feel sorry for both of you. Your husband can't cope with your lack of communication and is cracking up, and you sound depressed.

How is your husband today? Did he injure himself?

You need to talk to your husband, why don't you want to discuss your relationship with him?

He has shown you he's at breaking point, whether his actions were right or wrong.

However putting the blame on him for snapping isn't the answer, you need to open up and look at why he's snapped and why your're unable to talk.

Actually this is one of those posts where the op posts from the other perspective isn't it?
Was it you who lost it op? And your dh who's been stonwalling?

Hullygully, why don't you go away? You're not helping. This is NOT 'aibu' and I think that people like you should be ashamed of themselves for being openly hostile when someone is genuinely asking for help.

Ooh good call JV. But I don't think it is or they might not have been so rude about you 'living up to your name'

Marmajam - are you listening to ANYONE on this thread?

It is totally unacceptable behaviour, from you that is,and I feel truly sorry for him.

He must love you deeply and have the patience of several saints to still try to get through to you.

But your arm hurts and you dont want help so...as you were.

marmajam I feel for your DH, he had tried discussing, communicating with you in a polite and civilised manner and you refused, time and time again, he lost it WITH HIMSELF.

He has made it very clear his limit has been met, he will be mortified with himself and no doubt feel utterly vile and horrid.

I feel his frustration, you are hard work and quite frankly, you need help.

i think you're hoping people will say, he shown he can be violent, leave him.

you seem like your looking for a reason to go and not stay, hence putting the emphasis on the slapping not why he slapped himself.

Do you want to stay in this relationship?

Talk to him.

My DH goes into silent moods like you have done to your DH.

The frustration just builds and builds until it comes out in and inappropriate way. He probably doesn't feel great about hitting himself in the face but then he probably feels totallly frustrated that you won't speak to him about the problems you are having.

Right, OP - stop stonewalling and start answering the posters on here who have been trying to help you. If you're going to continue to stonewall people, how can they help?

And I'm not horrible. You say you don't want to talk about anything and haven't for months and your partner has self-harmed in huge frustration and you want sympathy. Er, for what? Driving a fellow human being to glassing themself?

I don't want to upset you, I don't know you. But i read your posts, and like many others, my concern is for your dh.
He smashed a glass on his head...is he ok?

What do you want from us then?

Why don't you type what it is you want to see? Because fuck me I've absolutely not the foggiest.

marmajam, you sound like you are in great distress and confusion, and it must be painful for you. Please speak to a GP and/or therapist who can help you work through this.

Ok. Without a doubt, you are depressed. Not mildly: quite a lot depressed. The tiredness, lack of interest in stuff, inability to cope with other people's feelings and so on are ALL symptoms of depression. Depression can be caused by a whole bunch of things, including physical problems, so you need to see your GP.

It's usual to find it hard to talk to the doctor on your first visit about depression, so write a list of bullet points and show it to the doc. Include any negative thoughts you have about your life in general, your marriage, job and yourself.

From what you've posted, it's impossible to say what's going on with your husband. He might have been driven to the edge of reason by frustration, or he might be a controlling twat and you just haven't noticed it yet. Or, indeed, he might be showing early symptoms of a health issue.

How do you feel about life in general, your marriage and yourself? Have you been feeling steadily worse, or can you put your finger on when it started?

How is your husband, marmajam? Did he injure himself with the glass?