My husband says I'm too fat to have sex with.

[midwife99]

My husband says I'm too fat to have sex with & he deserves a good sex life with someone slim & attractive.

I'm 43, have 4 children ranging from 18 to 1 year old & also work as a midwife. I'm 5'8" & a size 16. We've been together 4 years & I'm within a stone of the weight I was when we met. I do classes at the gym 3 times a week (body pump & spin) & although I'm about 2 stone overweight I'm fit & very little different from how I was when we met. I try REALLY hard to look good apart from starve.

He days he's doing me a favour by telling me that my weight repulses him & he deserves better.

I don't know what to do. I'm devastated.

Tell him his attitude repulses you and you deserve better.

Well he;s not (doing you a favour that is). I have put on loads of weight recently, and while DH tells me he is worried about his health and the effect my weight has on me (i.e. it upsets me) when we are having sex he tells me how gorgeous I am.

Although maybe he is doing you a favour - making it clear that you deserve better than him. You can lose weight (if you want to), he';s stuck with his personality issues.

Sorry posted in anger
He is using your weight as an excuse. You do know this is not about you. Could he be having an affair, or be interested in someone else?
So sorry that you are being treated like this [anger]

Sounds a prince among men. He deserves sex with someone slim and attractive? Wtf..

I am sorry it's so upsetting but you know thy someone who is loving and respectful of their partner wouldn't say this. Is he generally supportive and kind (am guessing no) ? If not what does he
Give you

Well, I say you should shed about 13 stone (or whatever he weighs) by getting this fucker out of your life

Do him a favour and sling him out.

He repulses me, and you deserve better.

Are you serious?
I suspect he is using it as an excuse, as MadameO says.

He's done you a favour by revealing what a TWAT he is.

He's being too nasty to have sex with.

Ahahahaaaaa, oh AF, I am so glad that you got to that one before me.

Seriously though OP - how unkind? A size 16? That's NOTHING!

I think there is more to this than him picking on you........ I take it he's a male model, Beckham like? Adonis? Sex God?

No, I didn't think so.

I'd say he's comparing you to someone else I'm afraid.

AF beat me to it!! Lose weight fast - chuck him out on his arse.

Yeah, mine said that. He is now my ex husband.

My feeling is that this has very little to do with how you look (size 16 at your height after 4 children is pretty impressive IMO, I never got back below 20). If he wasn't always this rude, he's given himself permission to treat you disrespectfully for some reason. Maybe he's got his eye on some skinny wench at work, is projecting his own midlife crisis onto you, or thinks you look too good and he needs to bring your confidence down so you won't realise he isn't such a catch. (It was the latter in XH's case, as far as I know he never strayed but he did a nice line in "putting me in my place".)

Whatever he's up to, I believe you should carry on doing what makes you feel good about yourself, and never mind if old miseryguts doesn't appreciate it. You know you've looked after yourself, you're comfortable how you are, or if you want to lose a bit, lose it for your own satisfaction. You can't please someone who doesn't want to be pleased.

Doing you a favour by telling you, pah! Hey, maybe you'll get lucky and he'll run off with the hypothetical skinny bird. You'll then lose around 12 stone of excess flab in one fell swoop.

Dammit, someone beat me to the funny.

thats horrible OP.

Sadly I agree with others, sounds like you havent really changed much and hes got someone else on the horizon.

He's my third husband & I feel I am the common denominator surely & am so afraid of being a single parent yet again. He acts so perfect around our respective parents & friends that everyone things he is wonderful & I can't bear to worry them by telling them otherwise.

He's spent a long time telling me how bossy/annoying/controlling/negative/miserable I am but this latest thing had cut me to the quick because when all else failed I always felt that I looked quite good for my age & had always tried hard in that department.

My 17 year old son from my first marriage was recently sentenced to 8 months in a young offenders prison for theft & drug offences & obviously I've been pretty low since & now feel even worse.

Not an option to leave right now.

What an arse. And really suspicious seeing as you're not much different from when you met.

Tell him if he doesn't want to have sex with you then he should fuck off so you can be with someone who does.

He is a nasty man.
Why can't you leave? You deserve better - which includes being on your own!

Leaving is always an option. might be difficult but surely it can't be worse than being with someone who talks to you like dirt.

I think being on your own forever would be a hell of a lot better than living with a man who holds such repulsive, misogynistic views.

Will your kids be happy living with a man who treats their mum this way? No.

He sounds like an absolute disgrace, and more importantly you sounds perfectly normal. There's nothing repulsive about you, other than the man you're married to.

I'm sorry but he's and arse in fact more than an arse. How long has he spoken to you like that?

The crazy thing is he doesn't like thin women either. I pointed this out & he said he just wants someone "normal" within a certain range & I'm out of that range. His ex wife is similar in size to me too (but less toned - does no exercise!) He has no option to look elsewhere at the moment as his leg is in plaster & he's on crutches so working from home.

He really seems to hate me - why????

As Anniegetyourgun said above...size 16 and your 5' 8??? sounds pretty good to me! and yes...why would you want sex with someone as cruel as him? i'd tell him the reason why you dont have sex with him is cus his dick is about the same size as his personality!

midwife, i know that being a single parent is hard work but really, with somebody like that in your life the only thing that's going to happen is that he'll drag you down and down and down...

seriously. you deserve better.

being confident, happy and strong is possible without a partner, you don't need to be lonely. you possibly won't find the partner you deserve until you have found your own cofidence, happiness and strenth.

good luck.

He hates himself, not you.

I'm 5'10" and a size 22! I'd love to see what your husband would think of me! You don't sound overweight at all, OP, just bogged down by your husband's warped views of what a woman "should" look like.

Is he an Adonis, by any chance?