My husband says I'm too fat to have sex with.

[midwife99]

My husband says I'm too fat to have sex with & he deserves a good sex life with someone slim & attractive.

I'm 43, have 4 children ranging from 18 to 1 year old & also work as a midwife. I'm 5'8" & a size 16. We've been together 4 years & I'm within a stone of the weight I was when we met. I do classes at the gym 3 times a week (body pump & spin) & although I'm about 2 stone overweight I'm fit & very little different from how I was when we met. I try REALLY hard to look good apart from starve.

He days he's doing me a favour by telling me that my weight repulses him & he deserves better.

I don't know what to do. I'm devastated.

at cock on head

I'm not kidding myself. I am overweight & have been most of my life. My max healthy weight is 11 stone 10 & I'm 14 stone 2 so I'm 2 stone 6 overweight. The lightest I've been in this relationship is 13 stone 4 before I had my one year old.

Sorry but what a horrid thing your DH said to you. I'd have slapped him one for that comment. In the last 12 months I've put on 2 stone. I say to my DP I feel fat and ugly he will say your beautiful. You need encouragement not nastiness. Your worth more than that.

Whether you're two stone or twenty-two stone overweight, it doesn't change the fact that your husband is an arsehole.

midwife- if you focus on your weight and beat yourself up about it, you are losing sight of the most obvious problem here - your husband's lack of respect for you, and perhaps your lack of respect for yourself.

Sure, your weight might be something you want to tackle, but you should get yourself in a healthy frame of mind, with supportive people around you, first.

so you are overweight

big deal

you might be better able to do something about that for health reasons if you weren't undermined and made to feel like shit at home

my DH tries to lose the same 1.5 stone almost constantly, but I make sure he knows I love him whatever he weighs

Wait until he is asleep and then write "I said my wife is too fat and I deserve better" on his leg plaster. Let's see how he copes with doctors, physio and friends seeing his lovely comment. You will no longer have to deal with his misogynistic opions.

Would love to have the opportunity to do this when my DH said that and then followed up with something even worse.

Revenge is a dish best served cold

'have had'

how does he "deserve" a good sex life fgs?

At 5,8 I think you can crry off a size 16 and look really nice with it. Stuff him, what's he on about? You do sport, you'll be fit and toned. You're fine. Poor you what a horrible thing for him to say. He deserves a good sex life, yeah, and you, you deserve a bit of kindness and respect surely?

Sadly his plaster is fibre glass with black bandage glued to it or that would be a good idea. He's only just put his wedding ring back on after removing it for 2 weeks because he refused to wear until until I treat him with respect (I asked him to distract the baby while I vacuumed & he was reading)

He's an arse.

that would be an appropriate adjective

until YOU treat HIM with respect????????? OMFG what a wanker!

except it is a noun. Can you get out and about and spend time with some people who like you and treat you as if they like you? I have no idea what is up with him but he is lost it

Yes I have some good friends at the gym & elsewhere & a lovely cousin who are v supportive but only one or two know how he treats me.

he's verbally and mentally abusive.

To get respect, you must earn it. It is not a divine right.

He does not deserve it. He deserves finding divorce papers on his pillow in the near future, but I think you aren't in the place to contemplate that.

how about some counselling for yourself to sort your own head and begin there?

oh dear

why the fuck are you with this pathetic specimen ?

take off your wedding ring and gift it back to him

tell him you no longer have any use for it, since your marriage is over

TBH, it doesn't matter whether other people know how he treats you.

YOU know how he treats you. And you don't like it. That's all that matters.

My friend was size 12-14 and her now ex told her the same as your H. He had problems in this depertment.

You need to understand that it has nothing to do with your size.

It surprises me that you don't sound discusted by his comments. I would throw him out.

Please don't weight yourself and DONT try to lose weight for him (the exercise is good as a mood lifter thu).

I will be flamed for this but i suggest you flirt a bit and see how proper men will get weak on their knees .

I wouldn't flame you for that, Laq

If it helps Op to see that this man is a prick and a woman-hater, so be it

Yes I'm definitely still in victim mode. Shock too actually.

I will be flamed for this but i suggest you flirt a bit and see how proper men will get weak on their knees nope...i was actually thinking this myself lol. I suggest get some time out for yourself, get yourself dolled up and arrange a night out with your friends one of the weekends! it will do you the world of good.

could you arrange some counselling through work, love ?

You don't need to flirt with anyone else to make yourself feel better. You don't need a man to make yourself feel happy, or validated, or worth something either.

What you need is to rid yourself of the millstone round your neck that is your husband, concentrate on yourself and your DCs and eventually he'll be no more than an unpleasant memory, a minor blip.

Anytime you find yourself swithering ("maybe he's right, maybe I am too fat?" etc etc), think about what you'd say to a sister, cousin, daughter or patient in your situation. You and your children deserve far better than this imbecile.

Its not at all hard really

Tell him to do one

Your life will be a million times better without him