My husband says I'm too fat to have sex with.

[midwife99]

My husband says I'm too fat to have sex with & he deserves a good sex life with someone slim & attractive.

I'm 43, have 4 children ranging from 18 to 1 year old & also work as a midwife. I'm 5'8" & a size 16. We've been together 4 years & I'm within a stone of the weight I was when we met. I do classes at the gym 3 times a week (body pump & spin) & although I'm about 2 stone overweight I'm fit & very little different from how I was when we met. I try REALLY hard to look good apart from starve.

He days he's doing me a favour by telling me that my weight repulses him & he deserves better.

I don't know what to do. I'm devastated.

OP what he said has nothing to do with how you look. He said it to wound when all other insults failed. Take care, next stop when that doesn't work can be violence.

He is showing the classic tricks of the street angel/home devil. Such a wonderful husband to the outside world, whilst he wounds you quietly. Just like the physically violent partner hits where it doesn't show.

This was said to me by the same man.
'I like women to look like women. My ex had bit titts and I could sleep on her shoulder. With you I don't want to come close you look like you will snap' I was a 5'5 size 12 and a curvy hourglass.

Fast forward 3 years
'You've got so fat. Everyone keeps asking if you're pregnant, they all say I'll too good for you' Size 14 this time, more curvy.

I had a lovely figure on both occasions, nothing to do with me. Nothing to do with you. Don't even think about trying to find reasons. Its him. He's nasty.

Found out he was on the brink of having an affair. And yes, I left him. Then she did.

Have you asked him outright why he is being an arse? Take no prisoners, don't let it get to you as has been sais he is trying to wound you and it sounds like he doesn't have a leg to stand on

btw next man was 20 years younger, I was then a size 16, loved my body and made sure I knew it.

Quite agree, midwife. I bet if you hadn't told him what you weigh (I assume this is how he knows) he would have no clue your weight was different from when you met. It'd just be some other bollocks about what's 'wrong' with you as it has been in the past, i.e. "bossy/annoying/controlling/negative/miserable" - blah blah blah. Funnily enough, I would use every single one of those adjectives to describe HIM based on what you've written here. So you ought to be a perfectly matched couple - ha ha!

It sounds like he's been pushing and pushing you to see how much he can get away with. You said in your earlier post that attacking your weight was particularly hurtful because whatever else you've prided yourself on trying hard to maintain your appearance. In other words, he's escalating his attacks on your self-esteem, AND at a time when you have enormous other pressures to deal with with your ds.

Funnily enough, as you say in your original post "he says he's doing me a favour" - and he has. Just not the one he thought he was doing. Take this favour for what it is, a giant wake-up call. And put yourself and your dc first.

What a tosser. He is too cruel for you to have sex with.

You deserve somebody kinder.

I had to look up Louis Theroux. Yes, LT is a good looking man but I doubt he is cruel to his family. Interesting how your husband is back tracking now.

Jesus Christ. My jaw is on the floor.

Sex between spouses is meant to be about communication and love and affection as well as lust. I can't believe he could be so viciously spiteful to you - how on earth would you ever want tp shag HIM if he appreciates you so little? What a nasty little shit. I am so sorry. It's abuse, pure and simple.

He sounds horrid. What do your friends in RL think?

OP, you've been single before so you know you can do it again. He is no use to you this man. Not only is he gaslighting you and being cruel, he won't even look after his own baby. If you ask him to you are 'nagging' and 'disrespecting him'.

Life will be easier without him.

I agree totally with catpower. Since I left my abusive x four years ago I haven't exchanged so much as a firm handshake with a man and my confidence is the highest it's been in years.

controlling, insecure type. Not sure whether to hate or pity him.

He is indulging in a bit of transference - he says he is in an abusive relationship because I have trapped him!

I just read this out to my DH. He suggested you post a photo of your twat of a husband so people can mark him out of ten on his lovegod status. All for his own good, you understand! Constructive criticism, so he knows what changes (after that personality transplant) might make him good enough for you.

Big tits not bit titts. And it was the next man who loved my body at a 16

And yes, you would find life easier alone than dealing with this. And if you dump his miserable arse from a great height* then he can't complain about being trapped, can he?

*Big Ben or the Clifton Suspension Bridge would do.

Bloody hell! I 've just read the rest of the thread. This man is nasty and so hateful ! I wouldn't want to look at him let alone share my life with him.

I really hope that you leave him OP.

Is any chance that he is on something?

Poor soul. How could you be so selfish, midwife? Only one thing for it - SET HIM FREE.

Midwife don't listen to him...you have not trapped him, he is trying to turn every bad negative aspect back onto you. I'm glad you can see this. Good luck with the future

Thanks for being honest & making me laugh at times too!

He's not on anything but should be - Lithium springs to mind!

Gahhhhhhhhhh. Both my dh and I are sat here INCENSED on your behalf. Get rid! How DARE he presume to destroy your self worth like this? The only weight you need to lose is his from around your neck- he's a twat.

yes, set him free

poor trapped man

set him free to shag all these skinny, gagging-for-his-golden-cock, single women

I am sure there will be a massive queue when they realise he is back on the meat market !

I think you should start looking elsewhere for your validation and self assurance. You need to ensure that you are positive and not reliant on him emotionally. Perhaps you can use carrot and stick: when he is nice be nice and when he is horrible then switch tactics and be tough with him and don't let him hurt you...stay in (emotional) control. He needs ditching or atleast complete re-training/overhauling.

Glad to hear some men are shocked too & it's not just a battle of the sexes. PS I went on strike today & left him to it.

ugh, a dog you can re-train

self-entitled, arrogant pillocks like this ?

nah, not worth your time

No, 'retraining' is what makes so many women to waste years of their lives with idiots (been there and have the t-shirt). If he is idiot he is idiot. You are not counsellor or life coach. Just kick him out.