My husband says I'm too fat to have sex with.

[midwife99]

My husband says I'm too fat to have sex with & he deserves a good sex life with someone slim & attractive.

I'm 43, have 4 children ranging from 18 to 1 year old & also work as a midwife. I'm 5'8" & a size 16. We've been together 4 years & I'm within a stone of the weight I was when we met. I do classes at the gym 3 times a week (body pump & spin) & although I'm about 2 stone overweight I'm fit & very little different from how I was when we met. I try REALLY hard to look good apart from starve.

He days he's doing me a favour by telling me that my weight repulses him & he deserves better.

I don't know what to do. I'm devastated.

He is taking his insecurities about his own life out on you.

Sorry but its quite common, man with inflated ego reaches middle age, mundane life, thinks why did i settle for this? why havent i got the gorgeous step ford wife and a ferrari?

Of course he is deluded. Hes lucky he got you nevermind anything else.
Hes basically trying to say its your fault, so he doesnt have to grow up and asses his own life.

I used to have a boyfriend who called me fat and I am the same height as you and was a size 10. If I had suddenly morphed into Cindy Crawford he still woulnd't be happy as he was a cunt.

Your DH sounds similar.

He removed his wedding ring because you asked him to look after his own baby? Frankly I would be packing a bag for him and ask him to find that much better life that he thinks he is entitled to.

Midwife how many things do you find unattractive about him but still care for him and accept him this way ? If there was something you didn't like eg if you thought he was fat you wouldn't tell him as you know it would hurt his feelings. He's saying he doesn't fancy you anymore too so there no reason to stay in a marriage with hin. Find someone that accepts you for who you are and leave it much longer if you ever feel like getting married again, much longer than 2 years as its still the honeymoon phase and fresh. I waited 6 years.

What a horrible man-I am 5'3" and size 14/16 and my dh thinks I look wonderful.
I am so sorry you have to put up with this-tell him that you are going nowhere but he can get lost if he thinks he can do better elsewhere.Not a nice man at all.

sounds like a twat imo

God, he is an abusive pathetic prick. Do yourself and him a favour and tell him to get to. Why should you have to bear the brunt of his self loathing.

I'm gusessing by your wight and your height you are similarly proportioned to me (I'm short but weigh less) and that is plumpish, but not massive by ANY means. He doesn't want someone 'normal' he wants perfection. Don't we all?

My guess is he is feeling left out like a spoilt child not getting enough attention. You have a small baby (which he wanted) a demanding job, and your son has no doubt put you through the ringer emotionally and mentally, and continues to need support and strength from you. So who supports you? What are you supposed to be - fucking Superwoman and look like Pamela Anderson at the same time? Jeez. I wonder what the hell his own mother would say if she knew? Perhaps she should know. He needs a kick up the arse.

Your size 16 sounds right for your height. You work, have a one year old and have to put up with this nonsense from someone who should be supporting you. Do you need him in your life?

Oh OP he sounds absolutely horrible.

I am sorry about your son too. What a difficult time you are having at the moment.

I know everyone says that on relationships it's all mad women shouting "ditch him!!!" all the time, but bloody hell, I can't think of a better response to your posts.

I feel so sorry for you .

He is a twat and a bully and not a good role model for your children.

Don't worry about going near another man ever. Concentrate on getting rid of this twat and then if you want sex there are ways of getting that.

You deserve so much better and your children need you to be loved and cherished so that they can learn that is how a good relationship should be.

You don't need to lose weight love, you need to lose him. If it wasn't your weight, it would be something else.

Sorry to hear about your problems with your son, I appreciate that it's difficult for you - but I don't understand why you can't get this nasty cruel man out? You would be so much happier on your own. I was constantly put down and criticised by my STBXH, and he called me a "slob". I'm 5'8" also, but a size 12 - even if I morphed into Kate Moss, he would still call me fat! They do this to make themselves feel good, and to control. Loving men, real men, don't do that. You deserve better, you really do.

Midwife99 he is a shitbag...like an actual bag of shit, what the hell makes you feel like u need to put up with his vile remarks, what a prize tosser. He doesn't deserve ANYONE by the sounds of him. I read your stats and I for one don't think you are too fat for anything! What an ASSHOLE. He is trying to control and belittle you...and picking at a very personal spot. I can't add to what has already been said really only to reassure you that you are certainly better off without him. Good luck Midwife, I'm sure you can shine on your own without anyone.

Now he says he didn't say that. He just said I need to watch my weight & eat less puddings & I'm making it all up to send him on a guilt trip & get power over him!! I'm sorry I must have been mistaken!!

eh ?

You don't believe him, do you ?

seriously? do you think you were mistaken or do you think he is manipulative....eat less puddings???...no Midwife this lad is a bad one.

gaslighting

Ah yes, the old 'you are imagining it, it's all your head' line.

And the guy who took his wedding ring off for a fortnight in response to being asked to watch his own child doesn't have much of a moral high ground to stand on when it comes to guilt trips! Or did that not happen either, you just hallucinated it?

If you were looking after a woman antenatally what would you say to her if she disclosed her DH was treating her like this? Would you tell her it was emotional abuse, which is part of domestic abuse? I would.

Your husband sounds like a total arse.

Much much less importantly, at 14 stone 2 and 5'8" your BMI falls (just) in the clinically obese range, so you may want to look at losing some weight at some point for the sake of your health. After ditching your H, though...

So tell us what he looks like. Mr. Perfection, physically? We know what his personality is like and it's sadly lacking. So, what is positive about the guy?

No I didn't imagine it. He said & I quote "P might me into that kind of thing but I'm not!" referring to the husband of my best friend who is a size 26! Oh and yes, her husband "P" thinks she is the most gorgeous woman on earth & tells her so regularly. I'm not arguing that I'm not overweight by the way! But actually I am only about 6 pounds more than when we met!!! Anyway - that's all bollocks - he's treating me like shit.

He IS treating you like shit.

Get away from him OP, before he chips away at any more of your self esteem.

You may be (just) overweight & want to address it for your health but certainly not to appease this arse!

He is quite good looking but in a Louis Theroux kind of way - not a god by any means. Curly dark hair, big nose, glasses, skinny legs (1 in plaster!) slight paunch (he is 41 after all). He used to be the kindest man I had ever met. A real gentleman. I think he's gone insane. I have NEVER insulted him. I can be a bit of a nag at times but otherwise haven't put a foot wrong. His ex wife went off with someone else. Beginning to understand why.

midwife i rarely comment here but he is being an utter twat,you sound lovely i am a good 2 stone heavier that when i met dh he still makes me feel good in bed

he sounds like a selfish nob you deserve better