Frightened - think DH is having a psychotic episode

[sixtyhundred]

Can anyone help me? I think that there is something wrong with my DH. Over the past few weeks he has been accusing me of propositioning and then having sex with any (or every) man I meet. He claims that he has recordings and video footage of this happening. These accusations are completely untrue. He has played me a very fuzzy and indistinct recording from his dictaphone but I couldn't make anything out on it. I said this to him but he insists that 'all' the recordings are 'crystal clear'. He has refused to play me any others, but has claimed to have played them to other people but he won't say who they are. He also claims to have bugged the phone and have recordings of conversations, but these conversations that he is talking about simply haven't happened.

His behaviour has been all over the place - buying bottles of champagne, a new car (!) and having a very increased libido. He can also go from raging to normal and talking about the weather, for example, in the blink of an eye. We've also had to do paternity tests because apparently he can't have children so they're not his (again, nonsense as I've not had sex with anyone other than him since we've been together).

He's always been a bit jealous and suspicious but in a 'normal' way, if that makes sense, nothing like this, which has been going on for nearly a month now. He is going to the gp tomorrow, not because he agrees that the things he believes are untrue but to deal with the stress 'of me cheating on him and lying to him'. I'm scared that the dr will ask him if he could be wrong about the situation, DH will reply no and then the dr will simply say that there isn't a medical issue and we need marriage guidance. Which will not help the situation at all and reinforce to DH that his beliefs are true.

He isn't violent or dangerous but I'm finding it all very difficult and upsetting. Both the gp and cpn have said to me that I should take the children and leave, but that feels like a huge step and I feel that he can be helped and things will be OK, I just don't know what to do. Will the gp see that there's something wrong? Is there something wrong? I don't know any more. Please, if there's anyone who can help I'd be so grateful, thanks.

so he has already seen the gp if he is advising you to leave your home and husband?? and the cpn has seen him to to have reached this concusion?

It certainly sounds like there's something wrong. Has he got known mental health problems. Is the CPN his CPN?

You can ring the surgery and speak to the GP in advance of his visit. The GP will not be able to disclose information to you but he/she can listen to what you say and let it help them in their consultation.

I'm slightly shocked that they have told you to leave your DH, but if so, they presumably think something is wrong. Clearly your DH is ill and I hope he gets the help he needs.

If your DH is seeing his doctor tomorrow you need to speak to his doctor today. You need to let the surgery know this is extremely urgent and insist that you speak to his doctor before your DH sees him. His doctor won't be able to discuss your DH's health with you at all, but he can listen to what you tell him. I have done this with my parents and an old boyfriend who suffered mental illness and doctors welcome background information. You need to tell the doctor exactly how your DH is behaving. It most certainly sounds like some form of mental illness and he needs urgent help.

Crossed posts Gwink!

It sounds unlikely that he would be able to maintain a facade of "normal" long enough to talk to the GP, tbh, particularly on the subject of your imaginary infidelity.

It does sound like he can be helped - but it doesn't sound safe for you and the children to be under the same roof as him at the moment.

Has he ever had these delusional episodes before? Shown any signs of paranoia before now?

You need to speak to the GP and get him referred urgently to the community psychiatrist - these delusions he is having are clearly not normal.

The psychiatrist will decide if he is a potential harm to himself or others. If you are frightened, you need to leave. Do you have the number for woman's aid?

You also have the right (as nearest relative) to request an assessment under the Mental Health Act. If you feel that your husband's mental health is deteriorating (and from what you say it is) and that not much is being done, ask for that specifically. (make this request to the GP)

Ring the surgery, explain you need to speak to the GP either on the phone or in person, urgently.

Also if the CPN and GP have advised you and the dcs to leave, you need to clarify this further with them. If they have identified that there may be risks to you or the children (whether you think this is the case or not), then they may well contact social services for further advice. I don't say this to worry you, just to explain how these things work out sometimes.

If there is a CPN or similar involved (rather than just giving telephone advice/support) ask for an urgent home visit today, explain the situation and your concerns. Or if you can get your dh to the base/office then ask for an appointment there. Make sure you explain in advance what your concerns are.

Thanks. No, he doesn't have diagonsed mental health problems: the cpn is mine from when I've had trouble with depression and anxiety in the past. I saw her again after I saw my gp, not because they thought there was anything wrong with me but because the situation might bring on the anxiety again. DH and I belong to the same gp surgery and the gp I saw has met DH too and has said she finds him very disturbing and doesn't want further involvement with him. He is seeing another doctor at the same surgery tomorrow. The cpn has also met him and has said that she finds him disturbing too. My gp and cpn suggested that I might want to get away with the children for a while based on what I told them when I saw them.

DH refuses to accept that there's anything wrong with him (again, I think that is another syptom of a psychotic episode?)and that his 'breakdown' that he's having has been brought on by me cheating and lying to him. I have spoken to the receptionist at the gp surgery and said that I think he is delusional and she said she would put that in a note to the doctor. Thanks Reality, I will try to speak directly to the doctor today and give him some more detail, I'm scared that DH will convince him that he (DH) is right in his assertions and that the doctor will just send him on his way. I feel that he can get better from this, it all just seems so abnormal.

It's hard not to get drawn into it all: for a while I thought that must be having blackouts and doing these things then not remembering (seems ridiculous now, I know!). Things seemed to be getting better for a week or two, but it all went downhill since this weekend (has coincided with me going back to work, don't know if there's a link there). Thanks for the support on here, it helps me to see that there is something wrong with him, not me, and to stay more objective.

Sixtyhundred, sorry that you're going through this. I don't have any experience of the issues myself but I would suggest that if you are both at he same GP surgery and that your particular GP (who has met your DH) doesn't want any further involvement with him, this information may already be held somewhere on your DH's record and the GP seeing him today will most likely already be aware of this.

If the GP isn't aware, then all the more reason for you to try and talk to him, he can then liaise with his colleagues (your GP) and get their views (from a GP point of view). They will then air their fears about him and he will have a complete picture before he sees your DH.

This is awful for you, your DC and your DH. Please keep yourself and your DC safe. xx

Please just take the children and leave for the time being.

Something is very wrong with him right now- the buying expensive things, overactive sex drive etc sounds like mania (I'm familiar with), but the suspicion and paranoia is actually dangerous for you (and dc?).

You need to protect yourself from this at least until he has gotten help and is stabilised.

Please take this very seriously and take urgent steps to deal with it, have you anyone that can stay with you or that would be on hand in an emergency?

Do you have a relative who can have the children for a few days. I really think they should be removed from the current situation as it will be very confusing for them, and without treatment, his condition is certainly going to escalate.

If a GP and a CPN are saying they find his behaviour disturbing, then his behaviour must be apparent to them, and the GP he see will also notice this. Can you go to his appointment with him?

It may not be violent or dangerous at the moment, but if he is having a breakdown, which all this points to, then that could happen, so I think you really need to get help urgently.

Just read your latest post - I think you need to leave with dc.

You need to put your children's safety and security ahead of your husband's wellbeing at this point. Get out now; if a GP is sufficiently disturbed by him to not want to deal with him, and a CPN is saying the same, you need to stop and think of your children (and yourself obviously, but right now you are responsible for your children and you need to act in their interests).

Take care of yourself and kids first but then I would:

Talk to the GP and make sure they know that the situation in your opinion is serious enough to warrant referral to mental health team

As soon as that team have the referral speak to them and request emergency appointment/home visit preferably with you there to call him on his behaviour so he does not manage to just hold it together with them

From my experience I would suggest he either needs to accept the need for immediate medication or be sectioned under the mental health act

(I'm shocked that a GP would describe someone as disturbing enough to want to see nothing more of them yet not refer take action to help them)

In addition to all the good advice above about speaking directly to the doctor and requesting an assessment under the MH act, take the children and go somewhere else (family? friends?) for the next few days. He sounds very unstable and not suited to being around you or the children right now. You have to err on the side of caution and think safety.

Let us know how things go on. Best wishes.

Apparently it is perfectly possible for people to get over a psychotic episode and live a (more or less) normal life afterwards, but only with the right support. And that doesn't mean a loving wife putting up with his delusions, it means medical intervention! It does not just get better by itself, as a rule.

This isn't about deserting him in his time of need, it's about keeping yourself and children safe while his problem is worked on. There's actually nothing that you can do for him by being there. He needs professional help, and you can assist him to get it, but you can do so from another address. He's lost touch with reality for the moment and could do absolutely anything.

I've just called the gp surgery and asked for the doctor to call me. He won't let me come to the appointment tomorrow and I hope that he doesn't change his mind about going at all. We don't have family very near but my parents live a couple of hours drive away and we can go to them if we need to. He can be very irrational and angry, then seems to change and behaves much more normally again - the worst times seem to be in the afternoons, for some reason. I'm very scared to leave - I know that I need to protect the children and myself but I'm worried about the finality of taking that action, it seems like such a huge step and, even though he says that he's not the childrens' father, he won't have 'his' children taken away and doesn't want anyone else involved (if he is unwell though perhaps I can't think that what he is saying is rational). However, he might just disappear or something (he has talked about being suicidal). This is all just so overwhelming: I hope that he does make it to the gp tomorrow and if it comes to it he can be forced to get treatment. I can't make him do anything, according to him everything is my fault, but medical professionals can make things happen. I just want it all to be all right again! Sorry, bit rambling but in a bit of a state, thanks so much.

I'd be worried about your safety. Its hard to judge what he could be like just from what you've said but there is a possibility that he could flip and harm you and the children. If he really is delusional and believes this whats to say that he won't suddenly decide that you need punishing or similar.

My mum has mental health problems and has been very violent in the past. Suddenly flipped once and stabbed my dad.

I will echo all the good advice above-

My DB is Bi-Polar and the behaviour you are describing fits the bill. Denying he is unwell is a common symptom. He is high on Mania right now and probably feels very good (weird but that's how my DB describes mania) but he also is highly paranoid which would concern me quite a bit. Whatever you do don't challenge his thinking as it will increase his paranoia. Stay calm but be assertive.

You might need to get him in hospital and assessed ASAP through your GP. He needs help and with the right treatment he can get back to his proper self.

In the mean time get the children in a safe place. Mania can deteriorate very fast and you need to protect them from witnessing some very disturbing behaviour.

All the best.

Please be very careful. If you do go then please don't warn him. You say that he wouldn't allow his children to be taken. He may decide to stop you if he thinks this is what you're planning. Womens Aid say that the period of physically leaving is the time of most danger.

agree you need to get away - listen to your gp and cpn.

the delusions, spending money etc - all things my exP did... is there somewhere you can go?
yes it is posisble he can be helped but frankly you need to elt him do that away from you and teh DC - you jsut dont know what he might do in this state - it is scary when they appear rational and normal in some ways - yet clearly at same time not normal if you see what i mean....

for me, when my exP is in this phase i find it more scary than the down on the floor depression phase - you just dont know what they will do... he may well turn violent. it would only take one moment of violence for serious harm to you or DC - you cannot risk it... dont be alone with him

please listen to your gp and cpn.
leave your H to seek the help he needs.

go some place where you will be supported.
dont confront him about his paranoias alone - get a witness.

I truly think that you need to do something today rather than wait another 24 hours.

He needs help urgently and from what you have said, being sectioned while he is assessed is what should be done. Today if possible before anything worse happens.