Dear sixtyhundred - I read this thread earlier today and resolved to reach out to you and share my experience. My heart goes out to you, to your dh, to your dcs. For this situation, I wish this format was not like letter writing back and forth, but rather that we could sit down with you and talk. But this is what we've got, and I want to cover a number of things to you that are each important points. Can only hope it does not strike you as a laundry list.
sixtyhundred - things are not going to go back to normal by themselves.
Waiting and hoping for a change will not fix this.
There is nothing your dh can do for himself that will snap him out of it or cause things to go back to normal. He needs outside help ASAP, and he cannot get it for himself.
There is nothing you can say or do to snap him out of it.
You need to get him outside help ASAP, but you must remove your children and yourself from his vicinity even before acting to get him help.
You wrote you just returned to work. I am so sorry, but this is a family emergency and you have to prioritize it ahead of work. I know this is very difficult because it is so big and so hugely disruptive. But this is a true emergency. Tell work you have a family emergency, because you need to remove your dcs from your dh right now.
Your dh is in a medical emergency situation, and that means all normal flow is suspended until the emergency is addressed. You must think of this as a sort of natural disaster that must just be responded to, but cannot be wished away. It really is like a hurricane or earthquake has hit your family.
Just like with a natural disaster, you can't unmake-it-happen, you can only carry on. But you must carry on, because your dh and especially your dcs only have you who can help them. But never forget, there are crowds of people who can help and support you and your family through everything, experts, family, friends, and MNers. Call on us all, please.
You must gather yourself and gather all your bravery to yourself. I am so sorry, but you cannot avoid this and you must confront the situation by:
(1) removing your children and yourself and
(2) getting outside intervention.
I wish I was there and knew you so I could help, having been through all this before with my own mum. And I must tell you that your dcs may be in danger from your dh. you must get them away. you cannot predict are assume anything about the behavior or parameters of behavior with someone having a psychotic break.
I wish I could spare you all this experience, but think all of us who have also been in your situation (or your dcs situation) really understand and support you.
So please check in.