Frightened - think DH is having a psychotic episode

[sixtyhundred]

Can anyone help me? I think that there is something wrong with my DH. Over the past few weeks he has been accusing me of propositioning and then having sex with any (or every) man I meet. He claims that he has recordings and video footage of this happening. These accusations are completely untrue. He has played me a very fuzzy and indistinct recording from his dictaphone but I couldn't make anything out on it. I said this to him but he insists that 'all' the recordings are 'crystal clear'. He has refused to play me any others, but has claimed to have played them to other people but he won't say who they are. He also claims to have bugged the phone and have recordings of conversations, but these conversations that he is talking about simply haven't happened.

His behaviour has been all over the place - buying bottles of champagne, a new car (!) and having a very increased libido. He can also go from raging to normal and talking about the weather, for example, in the blink of an eye. We've also had to do paternity tests because apparently he can't have children so they're not his (again, nonsense as I've not had sex with anyone other than him since we've been together).

He's always been a bit jealous and suspicious but in a 'normal' way, if that makes sense, nothing like this, which has been going on for nearly a month now. He is going to the gp tomorrow, not because he agrees that the things he believes are untrue but to deal with the stress 'of me cheating on him and lying to him'. I'm scared that the dr will ask him if he could be wrong about the situation, DH will reply no and then the dr will simply say that there isn't a medical issue and we need marriage guidance. Which will not help the situation at all and reinforce to DH that his beliefs are true.

He isn't violent or dangerous but I'm finding it all very difficult and upsetting. Both the gp and cpn have said to me that I should take the children and leave, but that feels like a huge step and I feel that he can be helped and things will be OK, I just don't know what to do. Will the gp see that there's something wrong? Is there something wrong? I don't know any more. Please, if there's anyone who can help I'd be so grateful, thanks.

Haven’t read the full thread but I saw some people suggested possible bi-polar disorder. I would agree with that. My father has it and has had similar psychotic episodes - this type of paranoia is very typical. And bi-polar often doesn’t show itself until middle-age (which is when my father started showing symptoms). It can be managed with the right medication.

Good luck, what a horrible situation for you.

Yes, I have bipolar, and it sounds like bipolar.

Either way, please let us know how you get on- glad if he seems normal a bit more often.

Keep 'nagging' the CMHT etc.

Best wishes and hugs xxxx

My best friend's husband displayed the exact same symptoms. The doctor gave him Citalopram and he's back to normal.

It's that you say he has a raised libido made it sound like bipolar to me, but obvs I'm not a consultant and I've never met the guy, I just know the condition. There are loads of different meds that can work for different people,

Either way, depression is treatable and bipolar/mania, psychosis, whatever is too. They will get on top of this and he will be ok xxxxx

If medical professionals have told you to leave your DH then they obviously have safeguarding controls. I’d suggest getting your kids out of there until he is stabilised either with medication in the community or stay in hospital depending on how un he’s presenting as.

*unwell

This happened to a friend of mine. Her husband started accusing her of all sorts, saying he knew she was having an affair, that she was coming on to any man she chatted to etc. She left him, but was sure that he was ill and spoke to her GP. He spoke to husband but said that as far as he could tell there was nothing wrong. Her husband also started buying strange things; wasting money.

Very long story short - he was ill. Sadly he died about a year after she left him.

Outtherealone makes a good point- I'dve thought it was pretty rare for health care professionals to say something so strong about someone's husband. They wouldn't do that unless they were really concerned.

dancelikenoneiswatching, I am/was in the same situation for 2 years but left 3 months ago. My ex-DHs psychiatrist confirmed Delusional Disorder - Jealous Type. 3 months post diagnosis and DH doesn't believe there was ever anything wrong with him. We are still in limbo. Living in different houses, 50/50 care of the kids. We are still sort of seeing each other. His approach on all of this is to put the past behind and leave it there so we can be together again. I am going along in the short term but have made it 100% clear that I will not forget the past until it is fixed. I know he can't take back the hell he put me through, but I think if he ever recognises that he had a problem all along, it would greatly increase the chances of us ever reconciling. While we are in 'forget it' mode, I know I can never go back because I refuse to put myself into that situation again.

I dont want to scare you but sometimes if there is a tumour pressing on the brain it can cause the behaviour

ZOMBIE THREAD!!!!!

I probably should have started my own thread but everything in this thread is what is happening to me now and I am looking for help and don't know what to do. He's accusing me of having an affair with my manager and he has evidence and he's going to destroy our careers, it's so scary as my manager has no idea and has a young family and I feel lost and unsure of what to do. I talked him in to going to the gp last Friday where he was prescribed quetiapine but he's staying up all night trying to find some kind of evidence! I've called well being but they won't t discuss anything with me. I'm scared to go to work in case he comes and makes a scene.
Sorry to rant but I'm lost

@dancelikenoneiswatching who was it you called? I think you need to keep trying to call people- the GP and see if they can arrange someone to come out to assess him, and if you don't have any luck then A&E.

Is he taking the quetiapine? It's good that you managed to persuade him to go to the GP, and they did something. That suggests to me that they'll be willing to help you.

They can't necessarily tell you much because of data protection, but you don't necessarily need to be told anything. You just want to tell them what's happening, you are the one giving them information. So phone the GP or wellbeing (?) and say you need an urgent word with whoever he saw etc. Then decribe what he's been doing.

Hugs xxx

I tried to call well-being but she couldn't or wouldn't speak to me, I was sobbing but she said there was nothing she could do! He's drinking heavily and his accusations get worse in the night and then sleeps all day while I worry all day. I'm sure to everyone else he is calm and normal but he's really not and I worry what he'll do next, I have to go back to work soon and I worries me.

I don't know what the thing you're calling 'wellbeing' is- is that the mental health crisis/home treatment team? It sounds like something went wrong with your interaction. If it's the crisis team, they'll be completely used to hearing from relatives concerned about a loved one's condition, and would probably come out and see the person again.

Try calling them again and you'll probably speak to a different person and have more luck. I know it's frustrating- all you can do is keep trying! Hugs xxxx

I would try and ring the GP he spoke to, they might have some ideas or tell you who you need to speak to.

He obviously doesn't convince everyone he's ok, or his GP wouldn'tve prescribed Quetiapine.

Could you get some more time off work? (Not that you should have to, but hopefully this isn't going to be a regular occurance.) Ask for compassionate leave. If you don't get it, take any holiday you have left, or whatever. I don't think he would come into your work, but if he does you just have more evidence to show he's unwell to professionals.

You need to get him under the Community Mental Health Team (home treatment) and get them to visit regularly for a while so you can go back to work.

These are just some suggestions- basically you need the team to have a better interaction with you. Sometimes it can be hard to get them to take you seriously- please give it another go. You could also explain to them that you have to go back to work and don't think he should be left, then they'll realise they need to put in more provision.

This must all be very hard- lots of love xxx

Rant away Dancing bear. I also felt really lost when a similar thing happened to my H. I felt no one was there for me. After much argument and a colossal effort I eventually persuaded my H to see the GP(on a double appointment at GP's suggestion) and stayed for half the appointment where the GP said he did think H was "thinking along illogical pathways", H then stayed alone for the other half and came out saying he was low on the depression scale but had been given citalopram to take if "he wanted". He decided he wouldn't take them. He claimed he had taken one and it made him feel calm and he wasn't having that!

In desperation I went to see the GP again and he told me he couldn't discuss H or what help he'd been offered but he could advise me on how to help myself and he was glad I'd returned. He then said I shouldn't leave H alone with the DC and should pack an emergency bag as I might need to leave in a hurry if H's MH got worse. I was shocked that the GP wouldn't have contacted me to tell me this if I hadn't made an appointment for myself and could advise this level of alert but offer no assistance (I wanted my H taken to hospital if he was that dangerous) Added to all this my H had cleared out our joint account and had somehow got the Child tax credits we were receiving (as he had jacked in work and I was on a low income self employed so had applied for and got some assistance) transferred to go into his bank account. I hadn't a penny and was selling all my jewellery etc on ebay to feed us. I understand your heart rending pain and panic. I felt like H had trampled over my very soul.

It is great that your H has been prescribed quetiapine, that is quite a serious med so the GP must think your H is in a bad way. Is your H taking it and how long does it take to kick in? (a lot of meds take several weeks and slowly building up to a therapeutic dose). Has your H also been referred for counselling? Does he have a follow up with the GP?

For yourself, have you someone in RL you can talk to about what is happening (e.g. family?) can you afford to access some counselling for yourself (or does your work have a scheme?) You might want to consider telling your manager that your H is having MH issues (psychosis) and you may need time off. You don't need to divulge the whole story but forewarn them. My H was adamant no one should know so telling anyone was a scary risk so talking to a counsellor (although they offered no suggestions or solutions) helped me unload. Is it half term where you are in the next few weeks? perhaps you could take the DC to your parents using that as an excuse. If your H is on his meds then things might have improved a bit by then? Would he consider moving out for a bit (e.g. to parents if you can't afford extra housing costs).

Thanks everyone, I've called the GP and awaiting a call back. Well-being is the mental health team connected to the gp surgery. He's on 25mg twice a day which he is taking, it's very odd how he genuinely believes his thoughts it's awful to watch and listen to and also makes me so worried about what's going to happen. I do not know how long it will take for the tablets to work or if he's going to get worse I just feel out of control. I've been offered a promotion that I've worked hard for but feel this will jeopardise it as I will need to work closely with the manager he thinks I'm having g an affair with, it's such a mess and then I feel bad for thinking of myself.

25 x2 is a very low dose, it will just make him slightly more chilled out. If they've put him on it for more than anxiety (which I assume/hope they have) they will increase the does every week or so.

It takes a few weeks to take max effect, but as soon as you take it (especially at a higher dose) it should chill you out quite a bit.

Hopefully your GP will intervene with the team- otherwise keep ringing until you manage to talk to someone helpful.

Best wishes and please keep us in the loop xxx

Yes he is having a psychotic episode. Sounds to me almost exactly like mania which I have experienced myself. Upsetting to hear the CPN suggesting you leave him right away? He needs help and support not just to be left! Obviously if he was to become violent and abusive that may change but I think this needs to be addressed first. I have suffered with bipolar for many years believe me this sounds almost familiar! Thankfully I now live in a place where mental healthcare is excellent but I have a feeling you may have to battle to get this seen to. Best of luck to you all.

You may get more effective and rapid support via your area's crisis mental health team rather than your GP surgery's mental health team.

If your DH is being hostile to you and scaring you, leaving to stay somewhere you feel safe may be for the best.