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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Frightened - think DH is having a psychotic episode

220 replies

sixtyhundred · 19/05/2011 09:49

Can anyone help me? I think that there is something wrong with my DH. Over the past few weeks he has been accusing me of propositioning and then having sex with any (or every) man I meet. He claims that he has recordings and video footage of this happening. These accusations are completely untrue. He has played me a very fuzzy and indistinct recording from his dictaphone but I couldn't make anything out on it. I said this to him but he insists that 'all' the recordings are 'crystal clear'. He has refused to play me any others, but has claimed to have played them to other people but he won't say who they are. He also claims to have bugged the phone and have recordings of conversations, but these conversations that he is talking about simply haven't happened.

His behaviour has been all over the place - buying bottles of champagne, a new car (!) and having a very increased libido. He can also go from raging to normal and talking about the weather, for example, in the blink of an eye. We've also had to do paternity tests because apparently he can't have children so they're not his (again, nonsense as I've not had sex with anyone other than him since we've been together).

He's always been a bit jealous and suspicious but in a 'normal' way, if that makes sense, nothing like this, which has been going on for nearly a month now. He is going to the gp tomorrow, not because he agrees that the things he believes are untrue but to deal with the stress 'of me cheating on him and lying to him'. I'm scared that the dr will ask him if he could be wrong about the situation, DH will reply no and then the dr will simply say that there isn't a medical issue and we need marriage guidance. Which will not help the situation at all and reinforce to DH that his beliefs are true.

He isn't violent or dangerous but I'm finding it all very difficult and upsetting. Both the gp and cpn have said to me that I should take the children and leave, but that feels like a huge step and I feel that he can be helped and things will be OK, I just don't know what to do. Will the gp see that there's something wrong? Is there something wrong? I don't know any more. Please, if there's anyone who can help I'd be so grateful, thanks.

OP posts:
sixtyhundred · 26/05/2011 09:46

A quick update - the GP and HV have been working on our behalf and have arranged for the CMHT to visit to make an assessment. This is a new HV who seems absolutely wonderful and is calling me regularly to make sure things are OK and offering whatever help and support may be needed, so very pleased that she's around. I also spoke to my mum last night too.

OP posts:
DrGruntFotter · 26/05/2011 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

boxingHelena · 26/05/2011 13:03

please OP listen to what other people are telling you
I am another who was sent to A&E and I was not even emotionally involved and living under the same roof!
Better to be safe than sorry. At the very least have your children at your mum. Get some childminder to help you asap...
If your dh gets thru and get the treatments he needs he will only thank you for it

mathanxiety · 27/05/2011 15:33

How are things today? Any progress?

cestlavielife · 27/05/2011 16:07

there is a long weekend coming up - try and have people around, keep wearing something with pockets with charged up mobile on you and dial 999 if you need to

kissingfrogs · 28/05/2011 00:55

OPs story is a really scary scenario which I've lived through myself. Like Maths said, it's hard to grasp the reality of it when it's beyond your experience. I stayed with my exp for a year after his "breakdown". I'd lie awake at night on full alert, pretending to sleep as he rushed around the house in agitated states. He would take himself off for short drives at odd hours with no notice which became his method of trying to control his negative thoughts. He said he had always had "bad things" in his head but he was now loosing control of it. What would happen if he lost control? The implication was that he was trying not to act out his bad thoughts. And those thoughts were about me.

Looking back I am baffled how I, with 2 very young dcs, continued to live in that house with the constant underlying sense of danger.

But you do continue - you try to keep normality and be supportive, so you carry on living day by day in what is a surreal state of high anxiety and pretense as you can not really believe what is happening. It is, to those who haven't had experience of mental illness, quite incomprehensible. That makes it very difficult to describe what's going on to other people. It's alienating in more than one sense in that respect.

And it's very very hard to face the reality that it's happening in your life.

GothAnneGeddes · 28/05/2011 02:48

OP, I wish you'd listen to what people are saying and take you and your children somewhere safe.

I know you're thinking that it would push him over the edge, make things worse, but the fact is he's ill and it is not your responsiblity or your children's to get him better. All you are doing is treading on eggshells, but his illness is beyond your control.

mathanxiety · 28/05/2011 06:03

Kissingfrogs, you have described that period of my life to a T. The 'surreal state of high anxiety' and the feeling that I was living deep down a well where no-one else would dream of even looking for me, carrying on with the school run and homework and dinner, and sleeping on the floor on the upstairs landing at night so I could stop exH from doing something crazy to the DCs if he ever tried.

atswimtwolengths · 28/05/2011 10:21

Kissingfrogs and mathanxiety - those situations must have been so incredibly frightening. Did you find you suffered from stress afterwards - a kind of post traumatic stress? How did the situations end? Did your partners agree to see a doctor?

kissingfrogs · 29/05/2011 00:12

It's actually more frightening in retrospect. At the time you are, I suppose, in coping mode. When it was happening I could stand outside of myself and see how much the situation was affecting me physically: kept getting wobbley legs at awkward times (I can remember trying not to let my legs collapse on school run), getting very thin. I felt distanced from what was happening to myself, like an observer, as the whole focus was on exp and how he felt. Mentally I was on autopilot, rather numb and unreactive, just getting on with it all.

Exp saw his GP, got ADs and an urgent referal to psychiatry. He stopped the ADs after 3 wks and then refused to go to his appointments, prefering to self-medicate by staying at home.

It semi-ended when I persuaded him to stay at his friends, many miles away, and refused to let him come back. The turning point being when he tried to convince me that I was depressed and his symptoms were due to the pressure of looking after me. He told others that too. That's when I was galvanised into action - there was no longer this emphasis on being obligated to support and help my loving partner who was ill. I saw the manipulation and that made me angry. You can manipulate a caring woman who is terribly upset and frightened for you (and of you), but you can not manipulate an angry woman.

I don't think I had PTS afterwards. I moved away, back to family - and that was very cathartic for me. I regained the life I had before I met him. He followed me though, came to live nearby. I feel stalked, he's been in my street, he's followed me in town, but he keeps his distance since I got the police involved and he was arrested for harrassment.

When I look back over the events of the last couple of years I still feel like I can't "feel" it properly, there's still that sense of unreality about it. Part of me feels compassion towards him, thinking that maybe a friendship can be rebuilt (for dcs sake). Then I find my hands shaking as I let the dog out for a last wee at night, afraid that exp might be lurking out there. I shake just thinking about him.

I suspect that I am not fully aware of how it has all affected me.

He has a solicitor now for access to dcs. The solicitor allows him to send dcs a monthly card. I now have to start considering further contact. He does not send dcs christmas or birthday presents, or maintainance, but he has instead sent presents for me. I'm not sure of his mental state nowadays so how can I measure the risks? I feel obliged to allow further contact because he's their father, it's what I'm supposed to do, but...what if???

kissingfrogs · 29/05/2011 00:13

Sorry. That post was way too long.

garlicbutter · 29/05/2011 00:24

Kissing: Part of me feels compassion towards him ... Then I find my hands shaking as I let the dog out for a last wee at night, afraid that exp might be lurking out there. Hypervigilance - that is PTS. Are you doing any appropriate therapy? And have you any security measures in place, like a panic button or similar? You need to feel safe.

Sixtyhundred: Thank you for your update. I'm very relieved that you're being properly "heard" in real life, and are gaining access to some practical support. Do keep asking! Stay safe, and gather support around you.

Wishing you a peaceful weekend.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 29/05/2011 00:36

Kissingfrogs: while someone who has an acute mental illness is not to blame for his/her behaviour, that doesn't mean their families have to just accept it, either. You can't cure a seriously mentally ill person with love and patience. You have to put your own safety first and leave it to the professionals.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 29/05/2011 00:38

If you could cure a severely mentally ill person with love and patience, my dear friend would not be as sick as she is. She isn't a danger to anyone but herself, but she is very very mentally ill and all the love and care from friends is not helping one little bit.

garlicbutter · 29/05/2011 00:48

SGB, I'm sorry to hear about your friend. No, you can't 'love someone better'.

The compassion thing is difficult. After living through the development of someone's crisis - sometimes forcibly having to understand how they're thinking, and trying to think the best of them - you become somewhat involved in their world and lose track of everyday values. It's currently unfashionable to refer to Stockholm Syndrome, but it still explains this process very poignantly.

mathanxiety · 29/05/2011 04:21

Kissingfrogs, your experience is so similar to mine in may respects that it is uncanny. I do recall very clearly the time when everything came to a head, whereas the weeks leading up to then are a blur, as I was getting very little sleep.

The night exH stuck the knife in the pillow he went out for a long time, while I was settling DD1 (who had found the knife there) and DS, who had also been awoken. He told me when he came back home that he had been standing by the electrified rail line intending to walk onto the third rail and do away with himself. Obviously he had come home; while he was telling me about his walk, I remember noticing (and remarking inwardly to myself) that his eyes were completely calm and watching me closely all the time, though he was flinging his arms around and his voice was very dramatic.

I felt there was something a bit unbelievable about the situation, something he wanted me to believe that wasn't true. I felt extremely alienated by his talk of suicide, and there were times I sincerely wished he would just get on with it. Not proud of that, but it was manipulation pure and simple, and as Kissingfrogs said, anger cuts right through all of that. I persuaded him to go to bed and at least lie down and stay in bed for the night and to go to the nearest full service psych ward in the morning. He went under his own steam. The doctor who admitted him called me to get details about his behaviour.

His parents and sister arrived the same day and basically camped out in the hospital. ExMIL told me later there was nothing wrong with her son but a bad marriage, and that this was what the psychiatrist had told her. Because the parents and sister were there constantly exH didn't participate in the workshops and craft sessions that the patients were supposed to take part in (and the staff didn't push them out sadly, although I know the exILs exFIL was a doctor and it would have been very difficult to shift them).

So exH was encouraged by his mother to believe he was basically in a place where he didn't belong and where the rules didn't apply to him (a major misapprehension he has suffered from all his life), and probably persuaded him that all his troubles boiled down to me. (He accused me many times afterwards of driving him to the brink of suicide, and I felt more and more alienated every time). He wouldn't even take sleeping pills in the hospital despite his severe insomnia. His father, a doctor, was just about the most ignorant man I have ever come across when it came to MH issues, and I think he probably had something to do with the sleeping pill refusal.

He came back home after his hospitalisation, which lasted less than a week. I didn't want him to come straight home and we all agreed that he would go to exILs hotel for the night and then come home the next night. This was after exFIL accused me of trying to throw exH out of his own home.

The relationship hobbled along for another few years, but it was obvious to me from the continued accusations and blaming that it was really over. We have a joint parenting agreement, and he has visitation with the DCs every second weekend, plus bits of holiday time. He has taken me to court on contempt motions several times, and has threatened me with contempt motions several more times, whenever he has felt that I have proved his basic hypothesis about me right -- that I am determined to steal his children from him, and deprive me of his rightful time with them. He asks for punishment and public humiliation of me in documents he submits to the court. So far, the judge has refused to entertain any of this irrational BS.

mathanxiety · 29/05/2011 05:36

Just to clarify -- although he definitely had major depression, and there were aspects of his behaviour at that time that were caused by that, his basic hostility to me and ability to express that, plus his tendency to blame me neither increased nor diminished. I felt he was conscious of what he said, and able to control it; ultimately throughout that period he was also able to control his actions too, though there are people who are not.

tallwivglasses · 29/05/2011 11:07

math and kissing, you've both described the surrealness (surreality?) of the situation so well. I too still suffer from PTSD, though it's under control.

I wanted to offer the OP a bit of hope - after 3 episodes in the same number of years ExP has now been stable for 7 years. He now knows he has to keep taking his meds and on one occasion when I noticed symptoms re-occurring he agreed to go to his GP with me and he upped the dosage enough to catch it in time.

We're not together now but he's a big part of his son's life and we get on fine (most of the time).

OP there's lots of us out here thinking of you. Please stay safe and get some support for yourself and your children.

kissingfrogs · 29/05/2011 23:21

I think (or would like to think) that if exp had accepted the help that he asked for and was offered then we would still be together. His breakdown distressed me enormously, I was so concerned for him. I remember the deep feeling of heartfelt loss that I felt. It was out of context really. I felt genuine grief as though someone or something had died. I think I knew then that I had truely lost him. Despite his behaviour in the years leading to his breakdown I was totally committed to him. Yet, throughout our relationship, he had a great fear of loosing me and his children and this played an enormous part in the development his illness. His tragedy was that he drove himself to distraction imagining the worst case scenarios and then would act out as if they had happened - leading to mood swings, erratic behaviour, manipulation. He said he relied on me to keep him in reality but there was always the voice in his head that told him I was deceiving him, laughing at him. That internal conflict made him love me but hate me at the same time. I spent many a long night talking to him about his feelings, and many a time talking him down, reassuring him.

See, I still feel compassion and a need to understand. But there's that fear of what he could do. Like Maths experience, there was an incident with a knife - a threat to bury me where my body couldn't be found. There was talk of suicide but always in the past tense (if you had done X when Y happened I would have killed myself).

After a while in a situation like this you question how much is unintended and due to mental health issues, and how much is deliberately employed as pure manipulation. A mix of the two maybe. Maths: I know exactly what you mean.

mathanxiety · 30/05/2011 19:56

KissingFrogs, I also feel that exH would have benefited from willingness to accept the help that was offered, but he took himself off his prescription, and though he continued to see a psychiatrist for several years, his demeanour towards me became more and more characterised by duplicitousness, hostility, paranoia, and anger. He was encouraged by his mother, who I think couldn't accept there was anything 'wrong' with yet another of her children (three of his siblings were already on long term treatment for depression).

I do not know what he and the doctor discussed month after month. He wouldn't talk to me at all. He has a deep seam of paranoia that was evident from his childhood I now realise. I know he continued to have deep and meaningful conversations with his mother all this time, and I know how unhealthy their relationship had always been. I know he also continued to use porn more and more, behind my back, including gay porn, and I know that he continued to sign up for hookup sites online, while at the same time pressing me to go to marriage counselling (his mother was behind this -- I think she sincerely believed, or wanted to believe, that all that was needed was for me to be 'mended').

exH has always been able to get the exact wrong end of the stick, to take the diametrical opposite message from a conversation from whatever was meant or clearly stated. I have a feeling that he would have presented a massive challenge to a psychiatrist.

cestlavielife · 31/05/2011 00:28

kissing/maths - it is late but i wanted to say wow you both expressed what i feeel/felt too - in 2005 i told a friend how i was so sick of hearing the "i may as well kill myself " line i had begun planning his funeral in my head -who would come, the music... these thoughts came back late 2010 when he descended into depression again and attacked my dd on contact visit...

when he in 2007 had his extreme self-harming and agressive violent towards me and DS episode which was extremelyfrightening for all - he was calm and controlled in psych unit and later told a judge he had only stayed there for B&B because i would not have him home - it sounded very plausible.... and psych nurses then described him as "hard to engage" ie he refused to engage with them....got him to go off to friends/family in 2007, he returned to "visit DC" which became a refusal to leave...i moved out with dc in 2008.

how much is MH/how much does he control? how much is manipulative? how much was abusive? ( in counselling i learned/realsied and saw many examples of how his behaviour had been abusive - not explained by MH). he himself says now ("stable" now since late 2010 episode) he "does not have a mental health team" (i have said i would speak to someone from his MH team to discuss safe contact arrangements for DC for example) but "just a GP" . despite using his MH to get a delay in court proceedings re financial separation...

in the end it is impossible. you cannot second guess. and the least direct contact the better.

as sgb said - You have to put your own safety first and leave it to the professionals. - and i would add put happiness first meaning a safe secure happy home for DC - even if that means no contact.

not a positive outcome - but tallwivglasses story offers more hope for the op....

kissingfrogs · 01/06/2011 00:15

Maths our exs must be related, their behaviour is uncannily similar.
Your last paragraph (...opposite messages): this used to make me so puzzled - the constant misinterpretation of conversation, or even of a simple word or gesture, constantly read negatively. Endless explanations, defending yourself, the need to consider carefully what you said. I spent many a year nursing his paranoia - because that's what it really was:paranoia. Some might say it is manipulative/controlling behaviour but I did believe he was extremely hypersensitive to "signs" that confirmed his negative thoughts. If I see it this way then I can retain some compassion (he couldn't help it) rather than anger (he did it deliberately).

The porn thing: yes, that increased blatently. Sex became punishing.

Cestlavie I don't think we will ever iron out which it is. I know my ex would never ever think of his behaviour as abusive but he does freely admit he was ill. Thanks for you post.

mathanxiety · 01/06/2011 04:52

I hope they're in some textbook and that their doctors could see right through them.

I felt I couldn't win for losing, no matter what I did with exH. I was always on the defensive, and eventually that felt completely wrong and I began the process of detaching. If I spoke, what I said was twisted and misinterpreted. If I stayed silent I was accused of being silent/cold/frigid and he would fill in the blanks. If I stood there listening to him, I was accused of 'setting my jaw' while listening. The phrase 'don't look at me in that tone of voice' sprang to mind but he was deadly serious.

dancelikenoneiswatching · 14/10/2019 13:45

I am currently experiencing this exact scenario is anyone from this thread around?

Plump50 · 14/10/2019 22:00

I'm sorry to hear that dancelikenoneiswatching. It's such an awful situation Flowers

I wasn't on the original thread but have had this experience several times with my DH over the last 20 years.

Are you ok?

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