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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Im fed up of my spoilt sister- she has now demanded £100,000

181 replies

Roseflower · 26/04/2011 13:48

My sister is 26 years old.

My parents have fully funded 2 higher education courses to date.

6 months ago she decided she wanted to become a vet.
She got offered a place. However since it is a second degree it will cost £100,000 over five years for this particular university. There are others that charge £13,000 for five years but they didn't offer her an interview.

She wants my parents (divorced) to pay for it and stated will not be paying them back

If my mum pays for her she will not help my younger brother fo to university as she says she can only afford 1 child. My brother has never been to university before.

This weekend she came to visit and it ended up in a an awful situation. She demanded I support her. I said in all honesty I cannot support a 6 month whim that costs £100,000 that would but a huge pressure on my ageing parents whilst knowing my brother would get nothing. She was furious and screamed (upsetting my 4 year old dc)

What upsets me is my sisters attitude. I am in shock she would even ask such a thing in the first place.She has no problems if only she benefits, she says her education is that matters and her need is great. She expects the money- it is her right in her own words. She doesn't want to pay it back.

I said are you sure if this money is the only lump sum of money you many ever get is spending It on a course you picked 6 months ago what you really want? Her reply was she expected a large inheritance one day anyway.

She has no idea of the problems she is causing. My father may have to sell his home to fund this. She is fine with that

Last night (after much stress and heartache) my father decided her would help her pay half the fees and my mother would need to meet the rest.

She said that was not good enough and he could keep his big house!

I was furious and said all along this is what I have been saying- her attitude is appalling.

However.... my parents have actually agreed to pay despite this text this morning!

I think it appalling. They both said they gave in as they are scared of her temper. How are they ever going to teach to grow up? She does have serious temper issues I think she needs to work on as priority.

The money is awful but the main issue is her getting rewarded for her behaviour and sense of entitlement. It sickens me. She has been like this for a few years she gets whatever she wants through tantrums but to me this is the final straw.

Whilst they are doing out of good intentions I think they are irresponsible parents and I cannot sit by and bite my lip. How will my brother feel?

What should I do?
I am being unreasonable as all she wants to do is better herself?

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 26/04/2011 13:51

I actually find it hard to believe anyone anywhere could behave so badly. Does she have mental health issues? Your poor parents!

Roseflower · 26/04/2011 13:53

I have wondered to be honest. If she has I don't know what.
Her mood swings are terrifying ( I admit I am actually a bit scared of her myself and dont think she would physically hurt me or anyone but its how wild and uncontrollable they are)

OP posts:
piprabbit · 26/04/2011 13:58

What would happen to your parents if they just said no? Has she threatened them, or herself?

TBH she sounds like a toddler having a tantrum, it's scary and as a parent you would do anything to make it stop...but the best thing is to ignore, ignore, ignore and then move on when the screaming stops.

WhatsWrongWithYou · 26/04/2011 13:58

She does sound unstable - this is an absolutely appalling situation she is causing and not acceptable by any stretch of the imagination. Your parents are doing no favours to her, and especially not to your brother.

How about you suggest everyone gets £100k, then it's all fair, isn't it?
Has your brother expressed an opinion? (I'm guessing he's quite young).

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 26/04/2011 14:01

Can't she get it finded/a loan orwhatever they do and pay it back? Sounds disgusting, tell her to bog off.

KatieMiddleton · 26/04/2011 14:02

I blame your parents. They are enabling her. If they just said no there would be no issue.

It does your sister no good to be encouraged. Her behaviour will not get her very far in the real world where people have to fend for themselves.

mrsbiscuits · 26/04/2011 14:04

It feels like there is more going on here between your sister and your parents. I mean most parents of an adult daughter wouldn't feel pushed into such a crazy situation unless there is some sort of underlying reason. Is this money she is asking for in lieu of some sort of inheritance that she feels she is entitled too. Are the mental health issues ( with parents and/or sister?) Has she got some sort of hold on them that might make them feel obliged to find her the money? I left a home at 17 and have continued to study throughout my life (now 43) but never once considered that anyone else should pay for my education other than myself? I am just trying to work out why she might think they should pay?

MadamDeathstare · 26/04/2011 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coccyx · 26/04/2011 14:08

she needs a slap and to be put on the naughty step.

whatkungfuthat · 26/04/2011 14:08

I agree with Katie, they are enabling her. My parents did much the same for my older sister and she has never really learned to take responsibility. My father passed away some time ago and she still makes ridiculous demands on my elderly mother. Your sister needs to be told no more often otherwise she will be like this at 60.

whatkungfuthat · 26/04/2011 14:09

And what coccyx said

Roseflower · 26/04/2011 14:10

I asked my sister why she couldn't just apply for one of the three uni's that charged reasonable fee's next year. She could take out a £10k loan and work hard to save up £3k for the rest (or even go abroad-much cheaper and she can encounter intresting wildlife etc). If it really means that much she should do and risk her own money.

She screamed she refused to work anywhere like a zoo (my idea to get more experience) or bar for a year and her life would be over.

My dad agreed it would be unfair to expect her wait another year for her 6 month dream.I dont understand it. He knows her behaviour is wrong and it hurts him (I actually saw him cry). Yet he seems to support it through action.

I love my dad very much but he always says to me you need to learn to stand on your own two feet. And he has let me be on my own,even in dire need but I think it is right he has done that and it helped me grow.

I don't understand how when it comes to her this life lesson is thrown out of the window.

OP posts:
Roseflower · 26/04/2011 14:11

I agree with Katie, they are enabling her. My parents did much the same for my older sister and she has never really learned to take responsibility. My father passed away some time ago and she still makes ridiculous demands on my elderly mother. Your sister needs to be told no more often otherwise she will be like this at 60.

This is essentially my worst fear. If they carry on with this where does it stop?

OP posts:
compo · 26/04/2011 14:12

It's up to your parents
all you can do is ask them how your brother will feel
and ignore your sister, if she's at your parents when you go round then fine but don't invite her to yours

naturalbaby · 26/04/2011 14:14

Shocking. Your poor parents and your poor brother. The simple answer would be 'don't do it!!' but I have no idea how you could convince your parents to say no and deal with your sister. I have no idea how you could deal with this or help but do wonder what it will take to stop her behaviour - it cannot continue can it?!

What has happened to allow her to believe that the rest of her family can happily sacrifice 10's of 1000's of £'s of their own hard earnt money for her own benefit?

Who will pay her living expenses while she studies? Do you think she will qualify and get a job as a vet at the end of 5yrs?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/04/2011 14:15

Sorry but she is doing this because you are all letting her. Really, if I went up to my dad and told him he had to give me £100,000 and possibly sell his house to do so, he would laugh me out of there. And he is one of the most generous people I know, he's given us loads.

Really, I find it hard to have any sympathy, sorry, because you should all have just laughed and then talked about the weather.

meditrina · 26/04/2011 14:15

Is the £100k just fees then? How long is a vet course, anyhow? There is something to be said (if you're in UK) for getting in before fees increase. Where is she planning to study?

I'm sorry you're on the receiving end of tantrums.

exoticfruits · 26/04/2011 14:15

I blame your parents-they should have ignored her tantrums at 2 yrs old and they should ignore them now. If she loses her temper so what? She would have to calm down eventually. It is quite simple-just quietly refuse.
Sorry though-no help to you. She is being very unreasonable and it is to be hoped that she finds out one day.

pollyblue · 26/04/2011 14:17

She sounds unhinged.

Many people have put in several years hard work by the time they reach 26 - I'm stil studying now (at the grand old age of 41) and have funded all my study since I left home at 19. Thousands of people do. It's the grown-up way.

The ball is well and truly in your parent's court, and they should (IMHO) be saying NO very loudly and plainly.

What do you think would happen if someone stood up to her? So what if she shouts/swears/throws her weight around? What's the worst that could happen? She's an adult, treat her like a foul-tempered bullying adult - if she gets abusive, call the police. But personally I wouldn't have her in my house.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 26/04/2011 14:17

OMG she sounds like "Spoilt Bastard" from the Viz Comics!

I really, really think you and your brother need to have serious words with your parents, no fucking way should they give your sister this money. Perhaps the two of you should start tantrumming at them!

Your parents have a lot to answer for I'm afraid. But I also think she may well have MH issues.

MadamDeathstare · 26/04/2011 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

potoftea · 26/04/2011 14:19

There is very little you can do. Except to ban her from your home next time she behaves badly there.
But yes, as others have said your parents are choosing to give her this money. I think I would try and get them to visit a solicitor about making wills to show that she is getting any inheritance now and you and db will get it after their deaths. Maybe then she may realise that she is esentially paying for the course herself and so think twice about it.

naturalbaby · 26/04/2011 14:20

has something happened in the past that makes your parents feel guilty if they don't let her get what she wants? obviously she doesn't seem to care about this fact but what will they live on if they give her the money?

compo · 26/04/2011 14:20

She'll be a shite vet
you have to have empathy and be polite etc when dealing with the public
tell her she's choosing the wrong career

Roseflower · 26/04/2011 14:20

I dont know what happened. All I can imagine is she learnt if she has tantrums she will get rewarded.

By parents think there is some deep explantion.In my opinion there isn't. She is rewarded for being bad.

Who will pay her living expenses while she studies? Do you think she will qualify and get a job as a vet at the end of 5yrs?

This is what my parents also have missed- where will her other expenses come from? I found out this weekend they are already paying her rent and mobile. My dad also funds her holiday.

Grr, the more I think about it.....

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